Maintaining Yourself While Helping Your Adult Child

Someone has said that when children are little, they step all over your feet, and when they are older, they step all over your heart. The rigors of raising children can be extremely draining, physically, emotionally, and financially. By the time children reach young adulthood, many parents feel depleted. Parents must learn to preserve their own well being or they will soon find themselves depleted. Worst of all, they may find their marriage relationship in serious trouble.

How to Help
When their grown children get in trouble, parents often feel bound to help. Wise parents recognize that physical, emotional, and financial resources always have limits. The question to ask is: What is the best way to help our child?

Don’t try to solve the problems of your adult child. Remember, your young adult child must live his own life, and that means solving his own problems. Your caring role is to give love, acceptance, encouragement, and guidance when requested. Set boundaries for what you will and will not do to help. Nurture your own relationship. Time together having fun is not sinful. If you don’t keep your own marriage healthy, you compound the problems of your adult child.

Jesus' Example
Interestingly, Jesus, recognized by Christians and many non-Christians as the world’s greatest example of a loving leader, once said “I did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matt. 20:28). His life was characterized by self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. However, those who recorded His life indicated that at various times Jesus chose to withdraw from the crowds and retreat to a secluded spot for rest and prayer.

Restoring His own physical and spiritual strength was important to Him; so it should be for us. Your daily time with God and a daily time of relaxing and sharing with your spouse are essential to your spiritual and marital health.

A Strong Marriage
Do not allow your children’s problems to keep you from the essentials for staying physically and emotionally healthy. You cannot ignore your own emotional needs and still expect to give continued help to your children over the long haul. Watch out for your spouse's emotional health. Keeping your marriage strong is one of the best things you can do for your children.


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Excerpt taken from Parenting Your Adult Child: How You Can Help Them Achieve Their Full Potential by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.