Why Get Married?

Well, if it’s so hard and the odds aren’t so good, this question might come up: why bother? With so many marriages ending in divorce, why take the risk? The simple answer is that we all desire to love and be loved uniquely, and that leads most of us into a covenant marriage relationship. Despite the rise in divorce, cohabitation, and unwed parenthood, marriage remains an aspiration of the vast majority of Americans. A recent survey found that 93 percent of Americans rate ‘having a happy marriage’ as either one of the most important, or very important objectives.”

With this desire, however, there are realistic fears. One research project that explored the attitude of today’s college students concluded, “They are desperate to have only one marriage, and they want it to be happy. They don’t know whether this is possible anymore.”

If college students—and other single adults—can understand the nature of love and how to express it effectively, they can have the “happy marriages” they desire. And so, my plea to every single who reads The Five Love Languages Singles Edition is to: (1) apply these principles in every dating relationship, (2) accept the thrill of the in-love obsession for what it is—exciting but temporary, and (3) commit yourself to purposeful love expressed in the other person’s primary love language.

When those in dating relationships do these things, they can then assess the other aspects of life that will help them make a wise decision about marriage.

Seven Common Purposes of Marriage:
“What is the purpose of marriage?” Here are some of the answers I received from the many single adults I have interacted with over the years

1. Companionship
2. Sex
3. Love
4. To provide a home for children
5. Social acceptance
6. Economic advantage
7. Security

But can’t these objectives be accomplished outside of marriage? Yes. Although abundant research has indicated that married people are happier, healthier, and better off financially. Still, the purpose of marriage runs deeper than any of these seven goals. We'll explore that purpose next week.

In last week's "A Love Language Minute," we discussed seven common purposes of marriage. But this week, we'll talk about the deepest purpose.

A Deeper Purpose
In the ancient biblical account of Creation, God says of Adam, "It is not good for the man to be alone." God's answer to man's need was "I will make a helper suitable for him." The Hebrew word for suitable literally means "face-to-face." The picture is that God created one with whom man could have a face-to-face relationship. It speaks of that kind of in-depth, personal relationship whereby the two are united in an unbreakable union that satisfies the deepest longings of the human heart.

Marriage is God's answer for humanity's deepest need-union of life with another. Indeed, that same ancient account of creation says of Adam and Eve, "They will become one flesh."

A Desire for Connection
Man's psychological history is replete with his desire for connection. I believe that marriage is designed to be the most intimate of all human relationships. The husband and wife are going to share life intellectually, emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually, and they are going to share life to such a degree that they become "one flesh." This does not mean that married couples lose their individuality, but it does mean that they have a deep sense of unity.

This kind of union does not come without the deep and enduring commitment that holds marriage up. Marriage is not a contract to make sexual relationships legal. It is not merely a social institution to provide for the care of children. It is not merely a psychological clinic where we gain the emotional support we need. It is not a means of gaining social status or economic security. The ultimate purpose of marriage is not even achieved when it is the vehicle for love and companionship, as valuable as these are.

The supreme purpose of marriage is the union of a man and woman at the deepest possible level and in all areas of life, which in turn brings the greatest possible sense of fulfillment to the couple and best serves the purposes of God for their lives.



What's your love language? Take the 30-second quiz.
Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.