When Your Child Moves Home

Who's eating my chocolate?
There is a T-Shirt that boasts, "It's not an empty nest until they get their stuff out of the attic." For you, that may not seem even remotely funny.You aren't thinking about emptying the attic, but about what you are going to do now that your adult child has moved back into your house. They are called the boomerang generation. They leave, but they come back.

Certainly you love them, but you had not anticipated this. It has thrown your life and perhaps your marriage into a tail spin. Most parents are greatly frustrated when their children move back home and one of the most common problems is that spouses often disagree over how to treat the boomerang child.

Some adults are simply not ready for the real world. They have tried and failed. Now, they may be more open to your wisdom than when they were teenagers. Therefore, you as the parent have another opportunity to parent and guide them toward successful living.

They're back! Now what?
Call a family conference. Find out what your adult child is thinking. Do they have plans? Or, do they just want to 'hang out'? Hanging out may be okay for a week or two, but you and your child need plans on how to move toward some obtainable goal. Even a small goal is better than no goal.

During this meeting, I suggest you discuss and agree on the following three items:

1. Establish a time limit for their stay. Everyone will feel more relaxed if you have some idea of how long this return stay is going to last.
2. Formulate a financial agreement. In the rare event that you child cannot make any financial contribution, then assign tasks such as cleaning, yard work, or repairs. They will feel better if they are making a contribution.
3. Respect the need for privacy. This involves not only living space, but the use of phone, possessions, and noise level. Make life as pleasant as possible. Try to avoid becoming a war zone.
4. Communicating expectations is key to any relationship. If you want to guide your adult child towards success in life, then set these expectations in place and follow through with the agreements. This will teach your adult child to be responsible and accountable for their own actions and behavior. This is wise parenting.

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