Change!

After 34 years of marriage and ministry, Diane and I are right in the middle of one of the biggest changes of our lives. Unexpected? No. Challenging. Yes. All changes are. This one involves selling our house and moving to another country. You can imagine the stresses that can bring. And that is just one part of the change.

Some marriages breakdown during major changes because they had little strength to begin with. You've heard the stories. The children marry and move away, and the couple has no other reason to stay together, only a long list of unmet needs and unresolved conflicts. So, they go their separate ways, live separate lives. If you do not want a future like that, you have to start preparing for a different future right now. No matter what the change, it always puts stress on your relationship to your spouse, your children, and others. Like the Boy Scout motto says, "Be Prepared."

Here is today's key concept: How we survive change depends on how we have lived before the change.

Diane and I have built a life of trusting God, staying close to him and to each other. Have we had frustrations? We have, we are, and we will. But we face them together. We have long lists of answered prayers, forgiven offenses, and incredible joys, all because of God's faithfulness.

Rules for the Road

Transition is a road, not just a destination. So here are some rules for the road that will help you reach your goal:

Be sure that God is Guiding and Providing

Total confidence in God comes from total commitment to God. Partial commitment brings partial confidence. Remember Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart . . ."

Take One Step at a Time

Watch for God's wisdom and provision at every turn. These instructions from Proverbs 4 have been a great help to me recently:

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." -- Proverbs 4:25-27 (New Living Translation)

Stay Submitted to God

Be open to any revision or adjustment he wants you to make.

Tell God that you will willingly change anything about the decision that isn't wise. If you have missed his direction in any way, you will change or even stop.

Be sure You are Together in This Change

Both Diane and I have struggled through our own insecurities and fears. At times it seemed that we were on different sides with different viewpoints. But we have stayed open to persuasion, and have tried to be patient with each other. Because of that we are moving as one, and the changes are drawing us even closer.

Support One Another Through the Hard Times

Depending on our makeup and experience, different aspects of a change will be difficult. I hope that every one of you will always be able to say, "My spouse was there for me, encouraging, listening and supporting." And I hope that you will be that supportive encourager that your husband or wife needs right now. Isolation: bad! Involvement: good!

Consider the Effect of this Change On Your Family and Friends

Change doesn't happen in a vacuum. Everybody is affected . . . even people you might overlook. Our neighbor wept for two days when she heard the news about our move. She and her family have felt very safe with us next door, and my wife has been a friend and a support to her.

We discussed the changes with our sons and their wives, our parents, and our church leaders. Informing and consulting with those close to you is the only loving thing to do. And it helps you make better decisions. True, too many voices can cause confusion. But it's also true that with many wise counselors there is safety. Many of our friends and family members have given us important insights during this time.

Resist the Temptation to Play "What If?"

"What if" statements are what David Burns, author of Feeling Good, calls fortune-telling. No one knows the future, but we can know God. And many of the negatives we imagine could happen no matter what we do. Use wisdom, plan appropriately in proportion to the scope of the decision, and you will do just fine.

Avoid Second-guessing

"If only . . ." That's the way second-guessing starts. Once you know you have made a wise decision that pleases God, stay on course. When tests come, affirm your faith in God.

Take Time to Lay Down All the Details

Have some fun, or some quiet moments. These refresh us and restore our balance. Just as soon as I finish this article my wife and I are going away for a few days. It isn't irresponsible. It's wise.

That's it, friends. We have come this far by faith, leaning on the Lord. And like the old song says, "He's never failed us yet." He won't fail you, either. Believe it!