Resolving Conflicts: Part 1

What's so bad about arguing?
First, let me clarify what I mean by the word argue. It is a legal term. In a court of law attorneys make arguments designed to show the guilt or innocence of their client. They present the 'facts' with the attitude, "Any reasonable person would agree with my argument."

What works fairly well in the court room, works poorly in a marriage, because there is no judge available to determine when your spouse is 'out of order'. Arguments become charged with emotion and you end up yelling, screaming, or crying. Each feels the other is unreasonable. What's so bad about arguing? It turns spouses into enemies who have feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment.



Why is it so important to resolve conflicts?
Because unresolved conflicts stand as barriers to marital unity. Conflicts are those issues over which we have differences and we both feel that our side is right. If we don't find a 'meeting place' we become enemies instead of teammates. And, life becomes a battlefield. No one likes to fight. So, sooner or later someone gives up and walks away.

How sad that thousands of marriages end because couples never learn to resolve conflicts. The first step in resolving conflicts is to get out of the "arguing mode" and get into the "understanding mode". Stop trying to win an argument and start trying to understand each other.

Why do people argue?
In one word, rigidity. In essence we are saying, "My way is the right way, and if you don't do it my way, I'll make your life miserable." The arguer insists on getting his own way.

Conflict resolvers have a different attitude. They say, "I'm sure we can work this out in a way that will be positive for both of us. Let's think about it together." They look for a win-win resolution. They begin by respecting each other's ideas and looking for a solution instead of trying to win an argument.

The Scriptures say, "Love does not demand it's own way." Actually, love is looking out for the other person's interest. "What would be best for you?" is the question of love.


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