Should Everyone Marry?

Marriage is part of God’s provision for men and women. He established it and set down the model of the marriage covenant: a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh (See Genesis 2:24). Most of us will marry. But some will not. We can divide those people into two groups: those who choose to stay single, and those who would marry if someone showed interest in them.

Of the first class there are many notable examples. These single saints have enriched many lives. The Apostle Paul probably was married once. His wife may have died, or left him when he became a follower of Jesus. He chose to remain unmarried, as he says in I Corinthians 7, because he believed that he could serve God more effectively, in his unique calling, as a single man.

Some, like Paul, have what the Bible calls the gift of singleness. (See I Corinthians 7) Their singleness is God's will for their lives. There have been many, especially women, who have lived as single so they could serve the Lord. Amy Carmichael, the devoted missionary to India; Mary Slessor, who buried herself like a seed in the deadly environment of the West African coast; Mother Teresa, who opened her arms to the diseased and dying of India, and many more.

Whether you marry or not is between you and God. If he has given you the gift of remaining single you will be thoroughly convinced in your heart that doing so is God's best for you and his work. Though you will still face temptations and experience loneliness, you will know that marriage is not God's solution for you. You will walk in a grace that enables you to live as a single man or woman.

The second group present a more difficult problem. They are the people, in Asia mostly women, who would like to get married and have a family. But no one seems interested in them.

I don't know what answer I can give you that would be satisfactory in every way, but please remember this: Remaining single is better than marrying a non-Christian, or a person who is Christian only in name but not in reality. One young lady told me that she just knew she couldn't be happy if she didn't get married. I asked her what made her so sure that marriage would make her happy? You see, marriage doesn't make us happy. We make marriage happy. Marrying the wrong type of person is a sure guarantee of unhappiness.

I suppose the best thing I can say, though I know it isn't perfect, is that if you cannot find someone to marry who is pleasing to God, then serve him with your whole heart. Let him, in his own wise and loving ways, fill the places that a spouse and children would have filled. I am sure that he will be better to you than you can imagine.

Your greatest danger, as a single person, may well be self-pity. That attitude says God has been unfair with you. It is that attitude that makes bitter old maids and cranky old men, not being single.

Then again, you could turn out like our missionary friend, Martha. For nearly forty years she served the Lord as a single woman in Nigeria. A difficult place, but she loved the people. She had no desire to be married. Then she met Arthur. She was in her early sixties! They married and lived out their lives serving God together and loving each other.

Before Arthur, Martha didn't spend her life regretting her single life. She spent it serving God. Arthur was just a little surprise that God had reserved for her sunset years. Was she happier after she married? No, just happy in a different way.