At Least Get Paid for It!

by Mark Gungor

There is a misconception, a mistaken way of thinking among Christians when it comes to having sex outside of marriage. Here is what many people think:

• The best circumstance to have sex in is within the bounds of matrimony or if you are not married, to remain sexually pure.
• The next best scenario is having sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend…but while you really shouldn’t do it, most people will give a pass to those who do. Because after all, you love each other, it’s just so difficult to wait; you can’t really control yourselves when you feel so strongly about one another.
• Then the lowest and most unacceptable sex (in most people’s minds) is prostitution—those who get paid to engage in sexual acts.

But that’s not actually how the list goes…at least according to the scripture in Ezekiel 16. Here God is chastising the nation of Israel for their unfaithfulness. And He uses the analogy of prostitutes when He says:

30 “‘How weak-willed you are, declares the Sovereign LORD, when you do all these things, acting like a brazen prostitute! 31 When you built your mounds at the head of every street and made your lofty shrines in every public square, you were unlike a prostitute, because you scorned payment.

32 “‘You adulterous wife! You prefer strangers to your own husband! 33 Every prostitute receives a fee, but you give gifts to all your lovers, bribing them to come to you from everywhere for your illicit favors. 34 So in your prostitution you are the opposite of others; no one runs after you for your favors. You are the very opposite, for you give payment and none is given to you. (NIV)

God is saying those who freely give sex with no payment are worse than prostitutes! See, the way most people think about that “ranking” of sex is incorrect. Those women out there having sex outside of marriage, with no commitment from the guy, those who are getting absolutely nothing for it are at the bottom of God’s list.

And I truly do not understand it. Women go against their own self-interest when they become sexually promiscuous and have sex outside of marriage. The old adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” really applies. You think that by having sex with the guy he’s going to commit? You think that’s how you get a guy? You think it’s how you attract a quality man? Think again!

Really?! God says you are “worse than a prostitute”. I doubt any woman out there giving it up to these guys for free has never considered herself to be worse than a hooker, but according to God she is. At least these women should ask for money.

(At this point, I am warning readers to proceed with extreme caution! The remainder of this article is heavy laden with sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek humor. If you are amongst the “humor-challenged”, you may want to stop now and steer clear!)

So what’s the going rate for a prostitute? What do they get for having sex? A search on Google shows that a decent hooker starts at $150 per hour. So ladies, when you go on a date and you are going to put out for these guys, you should at least ask for the 150 bucks first! That’s what an honorable hooker does; don’t be a skank and do it for free. And please note that I am not talking heathens and pagans. I’m talking about young Christian, single women who are screwing their boyfriends on the first or second date, or maybe they will wait till the third. It doesn’t matter if you wait for the 500th date! You shouldn’t be having sex until you are married, but lots of you are giving it up a few days or weeks after knowing the guy!

Seriously, girls, don’t be less than a prostitute and do it for nothing. You can at least turn a profit on the deal and we can start a new ministry in church. Obviously we can’t get these women to keep their pants on, so they can raise money doing it! Then they can tithe –-not just 10% but let’s make it 50% and give it to the church. Someone will ask, “How did you raise the money for your missions trip?” You can tell them that it came from the “’Ho’s for Jesus Fund”. We’re raising money for the kingdom. If you’re ugly, get at least $100–if you are a super babe, go for a grand. We may as well redeem this behavior; at least they won’t be giving it out for nothing! If you give yourself to these guys for free, you are less than a prostitute God says, so I say at a minimum have the moral sense to ask for cash!

Why do you women do this? What do you gain? You hope that he’ll like you? That he’ll stay with you? That you’ll land the guy this way? The truth is, just like the verse in Ezekiel says, you end up paying them when you screw these guys and take care of them, wash their clothes, keep their house and take care of their kids.

Now, I am NOT advocating prostitution. I’m sure I’ll get emails from people having a cow and saying that I’m “pro-prostitution”. I am not…. but I am more pro-prostitution than I am okay with giving it out for free. What I am facetiously trying to say is stop having sex with people you aren’t married to! Quit dating, raising your legs and screwing some guy on Saturday night, then showing up at church on Sunday morning raising your hands to Jesus.

I’ve actually had conversations with Christian women who tell me, “Well, you know it doesn’t really matter; I’m not a virgin. He was so great and we really connected…I know we probably shouldn’t have sex or fooling around, but my friends think it’s okay!” And sadly, the older the women are, the worse they are with this kind of thinking. A recent survey said that only 17% of twenty-something women are likely to have sex on the first date, but that number jumped to 58% for women in their forties! The first date!!! Good grief, that’s quite the “get-to-know-you” maneuver.

Ladies, purity and morality are not about the status of your vagina! It’s not a matter of anatomy; it’s about your heart. At some point you must stop this nonsense and choose to do what God says and live a moral life…even if you’ve slept with 700 men and aren’t a virgin anymore! And that means NO getting physical! I’m not talking about the “everything but penetration” rule. No sex means no making out, no groping, no feeling each other up, no oral sex, etc.

People, is it too unreasonable to expect unmarried Christian women to not freely screw men? (Guys shouldn’t be doing this either, but that’s another article for another day!) I don’t think so, yet seemingly for many, it is too much to ask. So if you are going to give it up, you may as well make a buck, then at least you aren’t lower than a prostitute. Now, don’t get mad at me–that’s not what I’m saying, it’s what God says–look it up in Ezekiel. And by the way, your 50% tithe on the cash you garner will go a long way in getting my Cadillac “pimp mobile”! (Relax…it’s a joke!)