Why is communication so hard?

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Why does communication break down after marriage? Often, the answer lies in emotions. Before marriage we felt one over-powering emotion . . . love. But now the emotions of hurt, anger, disappointment, and fear often dominate. These emotions do not encourage us to communicate. Or, if we communicate it is likely to be critical. 

We speak out of our anger and create even more negative feelings. The key is learning how share emotions without condemnation. "I'm feeling hurt and when you have time, I need your help." Identifying your feelings and choosing to share them is step one. Step two is accepting the feelings of your mate and asking, "What can I do to help?"

Why is communication so important in a relationship? Because we are not mind readers. The apostle Paul recognized this reality when he asked the question, "Who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God." The reason we know what God is like is because God has chosen to reveal Himself. If we reciprocate, we can have a love relationship with God.

Likewise, when we reveal ourselves to another, and they listen and reciprocate, we can build an intimate relationship with that person. Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to the body. Don't stop talking and don't stop listening.

- adapted from The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman -

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