Why am I always the "bad" parent?

The Question
I feel like I am always the one who has to discipline our children and my spouse comes out looking like the good parent. How can we come together to agree on this issue?

The Answer
Because we grew up in different homes, we often come to parenting with different perspectives. Nowhere is this demonstrated more than in patterns of discipline. Most parents will have conflicts over discipline of children. The answer lies in recognizing this reality and finding a plan to deal with the conflict.

One place to begin would be to share a book on discipline. Both of you would read the book, a chapter per week, and discuss the content. This will expose you to sound principles of discipline. You might try, Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours, by Kevin Leman, published by Fleming H. Revell Co.

A second step is to call a family conference and focus on your present struggles with discipline. Such a conference might involve listing the rules you feel are appropriate for the children and discussing what each of you feel are appropriate consequences for breaking the rules. If you don't agree on consequences, then negotiate. Be willing to meet each other in the middle. Once the rules and consequences are in place, these should be shared with the child. Then each of you knows what will happen if the rule is broken. This keeps either of you from over reacting in the heat of anger. Kindness, firmness and consistency are three key words in administering discipline.

For further help, see my book The Family You've Always Wanted.

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