Help! I Don't Know My Love Language!: Part 2 of 2

Last week we discussed two ways to discover your love language, (1) observe your own behavior, and (2) observe what you request of others. Today we'll cover three more ways.

3. Listen to Your Complaints
The things about which you complain (whether expressed verbally or only in your head) can be very telling in figuring out your primary love language.

If you complain that your friends no longer have time for you, your love language is likely quality time. If you complain that only one friend gave you a birthday present, your language is likely gifts. If you complain about not having a good hug in the last two months, physical touch is probably your language. If your complaint is that no one ever helps you and they expect you to do everything, then acts of service is probably your love language.

Our complaints reveal our deep emotional hurts. The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. If you received love in that language, the hurt would go away and you would feel appreciated.

4. Ask the Right Questions
If you are currently in a dating relationship, you've got a great opportunity to discover your primary love language. Ask and answer the following questions: "What do I like most about the person I'm dating? What does he or she do or say that makes me desire to be with him/her?" Your answers will be very enlightening.

Another approach would be to ask yourself: "What would be an ideal spouse to me? If I could have the perfect mate, what would she/he be like?" Your picture of a perfect mate should give you some idea of your primary love language.

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, you may ask: "What do I want most in a friendship?" Complete the following sentence: "An ideal friend would ________." Your answer will probably reveal your primary love language.

5. The Love Language Profile
The final step in discovering (or confirming) your love language is taking the Five Love Languages Profile. The profile is located within The Five Languages: Singles Edition book, as well as the original The Five Love Languages. And don't forget to check out the study guide, too--it will help you develop your love language.



Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.