The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating
I once talked to Marty, a guy in his mid-20s who enthusiastically told me about his girlfirend, Claire. They'd been dating for four years. She was a wonderful girl, he said and they had a terrific relationship.
I assumed sonce they'd been together so long that engagement must be on the horizon and asked, "When do you think you guys will get married?"
Marty was shocked that I'd even mentioned marriage and began to vigorously backpedal. "Well, gosh, we're just dating," he stammered. "That doesn't mean.. well, I don't know if I want to marry her,"
I wouldn't encourage anyone to marry someone just because they'd dated a long time. But I wondered what Marty needed to learn about Claire after four years together that would help him decide. I suspect that, like many relationships today, Marty and Claire were stuck in what I call "dating limbo". Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on, either.
Singles who grow accustomed to dating limbo often find it difficult to leave. It's so comfortable! Because they acn experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical privileges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for commiting themselves in marriage.
For the mans or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren't helpful. It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just be getting into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.
I assumed sonce they'd been together so long that engagement must be on the horizon and asked, "When do you think you guys will get married?"
Marty was shocked that I'd even mentioned marriage and began to vigorously backpedal. "Well, gosh, we're just dating," he stammered. "That doesn't mean.. well, I don't know if I want to marry her,"
I wouldn't encourage anyone to marry someone just because they'd dated a long time. But I wondered what Marty needed to learn about Claire after four years together that would help him decide. I suspect that, like many relationships today, Marty and Claire were stuck in what I call "dating limbo". Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on, either.
Singles who grow accustomed to dating limbo often find it difficult to leave. It's so comfortable! Because they acn experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical privileges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for commiting themselves in marriage.
For the mans or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren't helpful. It can seem like you're making something happen but you might just be getting into a holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.
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