Can I Find the Perfect Person?

Personally, I think I have the perfect wife, the best I could have ever found. My mother once told me I could have searched the world over and not found a better wife than Diane. When your mother talks like that you know you have found someone quite special. Obviously, I agree.

But is Diane the only woman I could have married who would have been a good choice for me? Am I the only man in the world who was "the choice" for her? If so, what would have happened if one of us had resisted God’s will to marry the other? Think about where that kind of reasoning leads you and you will soon realize that there must be a better way to understand the will of the Lord concerning the person we choose to marry.

I doubt that there is only one "perfect person" for you to marry, but I do believe there is a right time and a right type of person to marry. Let me explain. Before I met Diane, I knew several fine Christian women whom I might have married if the time had been right. We would have had a different life than the one Diane and I have had. Still, it would have been a life blessed by the Lord if we had seriously sought him and married in his time and with his blessing. But the time wasn’t right. God wanted to do some work in my life before he would allow me to get married.

Diane’s side of the story mirrors mine. The Lord was also repairing and renewing Diane’s life, preparing her for the man she would marry. When Diane and I first met at university neither of us was ready for a commitment, though we could have rushed into the relationship on the basis of our strong attraction for each other. By another year later much had happened in both of us and our relationship to the Lord that prepared us to think about being life partners.

The question is, "Does God want me to begin seriously looking for a life partner at this time, or are there other things to be done in me first?" You will have peace about the choice that is pleasing to God. If it is the right time you will probably find people you highly respect encouraging you to start looking for a life partner, too.

What is the right type of person? You know by now that I am going to say that you must marry someone who loves God as much as you do. Please don’t think that I mean that if you love God only a little you should marry someone who only loves him a little. The best thing a person can do to get the best possible husband or wife is to love God fully and completely.

Why are some still alone?

There are two common reasons. One, they are so afraid that they won’t get the perfect mate that they never think anyone is good enough. Perfectionism is really a form of fear, and like all fears it makes us blind. We become so aware of the imperfections in the people we meet that we can’t see how special they really are. A perfectionist can be a lonely person living in perpetual frustration.

Let’s settle something right now. There are no perfect people. We all have bad breath in the morning; we all get moody from time-to-time; we all make mistakes; we all get an occasional pimple. There are no perfect people.

Are you perfect? No? Do you want to get married? Yes? Then whoever marries you is going to have to accept you and love you, imperfections and all. Of course you will have to do the same. If not, marriage won’t work.

If perfectionism is keeping you from finding a good husband or wife, you are robbing yourself. The best thing you could do right now is to stop reading this booklet and pray. Ask the Lord to change your heart. Confess your perfectionism to him. Ask him to help you see people as he sees them, including yourself. The answer to that prayer will come as a gradual transformation of your sight, and soon you will realize that you see other people and yourself in a more realistic way.

God’s perfect will is that you marry a person who is pleasing to him and pleasing to you. You won’t find that one "perfect person" and searching for perfection will only cause frustration. It’s better to pray, "Lord, help me to find the best possible husband or wife and let me be the best for that person, too."

I have already talked about the second reason some people never find Mister or Miss Right. Simple stated, they are resisting the work of God in their lives and because they are nothing else goes smoothly.

How about the pressure of waiting?

Just remind yourself that if you take matters into your own hands and rush into something you are going to complicate your life and another life as well.

How do you deal with the anxiety of waiting in traffic? What if you’re going to be late? Do you ignore the traffic lights (some of you do!)or do you wait for them to change? Answer: you wait for the green light because you want to stay alive and healthy. Choosing a life partner is the same. Wait for the green light, that inner peace that comes when we are deciding at the best possible time in the best possible way.

Remember. You’re not waiting for or looking for the perfect person. You are waiting for God’s time and looking for the best person for you. People who wait for God's timing are never sorry they did.