Should I Date Someone Who Doesn't Follow Jesus?

It is never, repeat never, God's will for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian. There are many reasons for this, but the essence is basic incompatibility on the most fundamental level of life: who, or what, we worship. That's the core issue. Not how handsome of how cute; not how much money or what kind of car he drives. Who, or what, does he or she worship? If you date someone who worships someone or something other than your God, or someone who worships God with only half their heart, sooner or later you will be asked to abandon your convictions. You don't want to do that, do you? If not, don't date or marry anyone who loves anyone or anything more than God, our Father.

Bait Or Believer?

One student asked this question: "If we can't date unbelievers won't they be disappointed with out attitude? Shouldn't we date them so that we can win them to Christ?"

There is no such thing as evangelistic dating. You are not the bait that the Lord uses to fish for men. You are a fisher of men. Besides, the approach you suggest doesn't work. It is far more common for the unbeliever to pull the believer into sin and compromise than it is for the believer to pull an unsaved boyfriend or girlfriend into the church. Trust me on this. As for the non-christians being disappointed with us, they'll just have to live with it. We are here to please God, not people.

Before leaving this question I should mention one more thing. You may be using this question to justify a relationship which you know, deep in your heart, is not good for you or pleasing to God. Be honest with yourself and with God. Otherwise there's no way he can help you.

Of course we are to be friendly and caring to those who don't know Christ, but that doesn't mean we should date them and get emotionally involved. You say you won't get emotionally involved? Ha! Inevitably you will, just like the Israelites did with foreign women and their hideous gods.

It all began with a visit. They went to see what was going on with the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Moabites, the Termites (just kidding!), and they thought to themselves, "This is pretty cool!" These Canaanite women! Wow! They've got that special something that makes them exotic, not like our Hebrew women. So plain! So proper! So boring!" (See the warning in Exodus 34:11-16.)

It wasn't long until they were captivated by the charms of those who didn't honour God. Once captivated they compromised their commitment. Not a pretty sight! For them it was a long road back to security in God, and some of them didn't make it.

The Bible has a word for their type of sin: presumption. (Psalm 19:13)Let me give you my definition of that word. Presumption is placing yourself in spiritual, emotional or physical danger apart from the will of God. I say "apart from the will of God" because there are times when we are in danger because we are doing God's will. Joseph was in the service of Potiphar, in the will of God, yet in potential sexual danger because Mrs. Potiphar was a sex-starved woman who wanted to make Joseph her boy toy. Ultimately he had to run to save his reputation. (See Genesis 39:6-18)

Dating an unbeliever is danger outside God's will, not in it. When we go out with someone who isn't committed to Christ we are committing presumptuous sin. Now you know. So, what are you going to do about it? Come on. What is your decision? Get out of danger while you can. If you are not in danger now, stay out. You are safer in your room alone than you are on a date with an unbeliever.

"You don't understand," you are saying. "I know my boyfriend isn't a Christian, but he is really nice. In fact he's more of a gentleman that the last Christian I dated." I agree that such a thing is possible. Not every Christian acts like a Christian, and some who say they honour Christ don't behave like they do. Yet that does not mean that all Christians compromise their principles. It still remains true that you have a basic incompatibility with any unbeliever, and that incompatibility is as wide as the Pacific Ocean and just as deep. (See 2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

When the Bible speaks as clearly as it does about this issue, we must believe that God is serious about it. If the Father says, "Don't do it!" he must know we are in danger if we do.