Drawing the Lines

by Mark Gungor

There is a great song by Michael Buble titled “Everything”. It’s quite romantic actually, as he is telling his girl how important she is to him:

You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car. You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.

You’re the swimming pool, on an August day. And you’re the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true. Cause you can see it when I look at you.

You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well, And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space, You’re every minute of my everyday.

And I can’t believe, uh that I’m your man, And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we’ll see it through, And you know that’s what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times. It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.

You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.

Did you catch this phrase: “You’re the line in the sand, when I go to far.” Do you realize that amongst all the wonderful things he is praising this woman for, he says it’s a positive thing that she acts as the one to draw the boundaries when he pushes the envelope.

Men need women to lay down the lines…we don’t like it, but we need it. When a woman allows a man to behave in all kinds of questionable ways and never says, no, if he’s like most guys, he will surely corrupt himself. So like it or not, ladies, you hold a very important key to the kind of husband you have and the kind of marriage you have.

We just hosted our second Butt Kicking Woman Conference with almost 800 ladies coming into my home church in Green Bay for the weekend. It was a fabulous weekend as we spelled out the teachings on how to be a “strong, confident, respectful woman that knows who she is and won’t let the devil or anyone else kick her around”. (DVD of the conference to be released later this summer)

One of the things that we stressed at the conference, and I always state when talking about this, is the need to get mentoring when you are learning what the lines are and how to draw them. There is no way that I can possibly address every situation out there and give a recipe or a formula that says, “Just do this, this and this and your situation will be magically fixed”.

Yet even after spending the entire conference telling women to get a friend, get a mentor to help you work this out, we got questions at the end where women wrote out pages of their situations and asked, “What do I do?” My very smart, butt kicking wife read through them and realized that there was a common thread. They need help in knowing where to start.

My best advice is to find another woman who is strong, healthy, confident and has a great marriage, explain your situation and then ask the question: What would you do? Don’t just look for a shoulder to cry on and don’t let her go into what I call “puppy dog” mode. That’s where you just give sympathy and feel sorry for the other person! You don’t need that! What you need is genuine, honest guidance in how and where to draw the lines.

The advice that my wonderful red head gave was actually to the women who are in the mentorship role. You ladies need to “hang out a shingle” so to speak, to let the other women who are in need of help and support, who need assistance in figuring out the line, know who you are. Make it known to them that you are willing to help.

It’s a daunting task for some of you because you know darn well that you will have those women coming to you who will just suck the brains and the life out of you. There truly are some who don’t really want help, they don’t want to change… all they want is to vent, complain and get someone to feel sorry for them. But then there are the women who genuinely want the help and you will be able to distinguish between the two and do some real good.

Weak-willed women who allow their husbands to behave in terrible ways, who are doormats and let others walk all over them have no idea how to handle themselves or deal with the situations they find themselves in. They under react or over react and need someone with a clue to assist them as they learn where the lines are.

I can’t do that. Someone who knows the individual, who can walk through the details and see all angles of the circumstance, who can advise “this is what I would do” is necessary to teach, guide and grow these ladies into genuine butt kicking women.

So for those women who have it going on in your lives and your marriages, make your selves available. And for those who need the guidance and direction, find your mentors. I can give practical wisdom and teaching from a distance, but at the end of the day, I cannot solve all of your dilemmas. The Church needs more butt kicking mentors to grow strong, secure women and that will not happen by everyone running to or emailing “Mark the marriage guy” for the answers. It will only happen when women get together to help one another become the confident women God intended them to be. Women that know how and where to “draw the line in the sand” when their husbands and children go too far; women that have healthy marriages, and raise successful kids to advance the kingdom of God