Preparing For Marriage: Part 2

If you missed Part 1, you can read it by clicking here.

What I Know

One evening about six weeks after our wedding, Karolyn and I were engaged in a full-fledged argument. In the midst of the argument, she went to a closet, got her raincoat, slammed the front door and walked out into the pouring rain. My first thought was, "Why doesn't she stay and fight like a man?" My second thought was, "What have I done?"

I wish I'd known how to listen, how to respect her ideas and feelings, how to treat her with love, instead of demanding that she agree with me. There is so much I've learned in our 40 plus years of marriage.

Talk About Roles

About six weeks after we got married, I said to Karolyn, "Honey, the toilet is getting dirty." To which she responded, "I know, I was wondering when you're going to clean it." "Me, I don't know how to clean toilets." "I can teach you," she said.

Have you thought about who will do what after you are married? Who will buy the groceries? Cook the meals? Mop the floors? Vacuum the carpets? Wash the dishes? Mow the grass? And walk the dog? Deciding these matters before you get married will save you a lot of frustration after the wedding.

Talk About Money

Are you thinking about getting married? Do you have a plan for handling your money? Do you know how much debt your 'spouse to be' has accumulated? Do you know how much they have in savings. Once you get married, how much of your regular income do you plan to save? How much do you plan to give away? Who will balance the checkbook each month?

These are the kind of questions that should be answered before you get married. Money is a huge area of conflict among married couples. Much of this could be avoided if we talk honestly about how we will handle money after we get married.

Talk About Sex

I wish I'd known, before we got married, that mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic. I had the idea, "I'm fully male. She is fully female. We have a high level of sexual attraction for each other. What more could we need?" Answer? A lot more! You would think that with all the explicit sex talk we find on TV and radio that sex would not be a problem in marriage.

In reality, sex becomes a battlefield for many couples. Information and communication are the keys to finding mutual sexual satisfaction in marriage. Sex was God's idea. You will not find the answer in Hollywood movies, or TV sitcoms.

Talk About Faith

When couples contemplate marriage, religion needs to be near the top of the list of matters that need to be discussed. Mankind is incurably religious. There are no cultures that have not developed a system of beliefs about the non-material world. These religious beliefs greatly influence the behavior of those who believe them.

Therefore, if you are thinking about getting married, I urge you to discuss your beliefs about spiritual matters. The Scriptures ask, "Can two walk together if they do not agree?" The answer is; "not very well."

In my book Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, I try to help couples build a solid foundation upon which to build a successful marriage. If you or someone you know find the information in this newsletter helpful and want to dive deeper into the topics discussed, then I want to encourage you to pick up a copy of the book. It's never too early to work towards a marriage that lasts a lifetime!

Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages