A Psalm and Scriptures for Singles

This is a paraphrase of the twenty-third psalm that I wrote with singles in mind. As you read it remember Jesus is your Shepherd. He cares for you. He knows what it means to be single, for he lived as a single man himself. Who better to watch over you and keep you safe?

Jesus is my greatest friend,

My Protector,

My Guide:

I shall be contented.

My walk with him provides rest and refreshing.

He satisfies my inmost self.

I will face everything that comes with Jesus, my Lord.

I will know him as my constant companion.

My fellowship with him will be my greatest delight;

I will not let enemies steal it from me.

I have an overflowing cup;

I am fully satisfied;

And I will always be at home with him.

Should Everyone Marry?

Marriage is part of God’s provision for men and women. He established it and set down the model of the marriage covenant: a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh (See Genesis 2:24). Most of us will marry. But some will not. We can divide those people into two groups: those who choose to stay single, and those who would marry if someone showed interest in them.

Of the first class there are many notable examples. These single saints have enriched many lives. The Apostle Paul probably was married once. His wife may have died, or left him when he became a follower of Jesus. He chose to remain unmarried, as he says in I Corinthians 7, because he believed that he could serve God more effectively, in his unique calling, as a single man.

How to Choose for Life

Choosing the person you will marry is just that- a choice. Some men and women feel they were swept off their feet by a rush of romantic love, true. But beneath all the emotions and all the thrills of knowing someone is crazy about you, there is still your will to decide. This section of our series, Choosing For Life, will help you make a wise decision, not just an emotional one.

Choose someone who is happy, not someone who relies on you for happiness.
Statistics show that people who have learned how to be happy when they are single have a better chance of being happy when they are married. The opposite is also true. An unhappy, depressed person who gets married, thinking marriage will create the happiness they lack, is usually disappointed.

How Far Can We Go?

You can only do something the first time, one time. A simple statement, but true. You only get one first time. Do you want your first intimate sexual experiences to be with the person you marry and will spend your life sleeping with? Or do you want to marry with the memories of other sexual experiences with other people?

Because sexual experience is sacred, the Lord has wisely prohibited it from any relationship except marriage. Sex is so powerful, involves so much of the total person, that it needs the strongest covenant to protect it from abuse. That covenant is marriage. In marriage it is safe; outside marriage it never is.

How Should I Pray?

My wife prayed quite specifically for me, but probably not in the way you think. She prayed that the Lord would work in my life, help me develop in ways that pleased him and strengthened me, before she ever met me. She didn't know if I would be short or tall, with much hair or little (it turned out to be little). She prayed about the things that were most important to her and she prayed that God would bless her unknown future husband. When she met me she knew her prayers were answered! (It's just great being the answer to someone's prayers.) Praying specifically built her faith, too.

By the way, she does think I'm handsome and I think she's beautiful! Don't think that if you pray for a prince you will get a frog. God wants to give you the best possible person as your life partner. Looks aren't everything, though. And it seems to me that we make far too much of that part of courtship.

Can I Find the Perfect Person?

Personally, I think I have the perfect wife, the best I could have ever found. My mother once told me I could have searched the world over and not found a better wife than Diane. When your mother talks like that you know you have found someone quite special. Obviously, I agree.

But is Diane the only woman I could have married who would have been a good choice for me? Am I the only man in the world who was "the choice" for her? If so, what would have happened if one of us had resisted God’s will to marry the other? Think about where that kind of reasoning leads you and you will soon realize that there must be a better way to understand the will of the Lord concerning the person we choose to marry.

Should I Date Someone Who Doesn't Follow Jesus?

It is never, repeat never, God's will for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian. There are many reasons for this, but the essence is basic incompatibility on the most fundamental level of life: who, or what, we worship. That's the core issue. Not how handsome of how cute; not how much money or what kind of car he drives. Who, or what, does he or she worship? If you date someone who worships someone or something other than your God, or someone who worships God with only half their heart, sooner or later you will be asked to abandon your convictions. You don't want to do that, do you? If not, don't date or marry anyone who loves anyone or anything more than God, our Father.

Bait Or Believer?

One student asked this question: "If we can't date unbelievers won't they be disappointed with out attitude? Shouldn't we date them so that we can win them to Christ?"

First Things First

It is always wise to begin at the beginning. If you want to be a successful single and eventually have a successful marriage there is one principle for you to consider first. That principle is total commitment.

Romans, chapter 12, verses one and two, really explains total commitment. Here it is as it appears in the Good News Bible:

"So then, my brothers, because of God's great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship you should offer." Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God, what is good and pleasing to him and is perfect."

Choosing for Life

In most of youth groups and university student groups where I am asked to speak, the most frequently requested topic is dating and choosing a spouse. Young men and women want to know how to relate, date, and find a mate. They also want some clear answers, not just general principles.

The questions young people ask follow a similar line in all of the youth groups and campus fellowships. What they are looking for is clarity, a commodity not always readily available. Complexity may be fine for chemistry, algebra, political science, but when it comes to Christian principles of dating and courtship clear, practical, applicable wisdom is what we need more than anything.