by Max Lucado
The canyon of death.
Have you been there? Have you been called to stand at the thin line that separates the living from the dead? Have you lain awake at night listening to machines pumping air in and out of your lungs? Have you watched sickness corrode and atrophy the body of a friend? Have you lingered behind at the cemetery long after the others have left, gazing in disbelief at the metal casket that contains the body that contained the soul of the one you can’t believe is gone?
It is possible that I’m addressing someone who is walking the canyon wall. Someone you love dearly has been called into the unknown and you are alone. Alone with your fears and alone with your doubts. If this is the case, please read the rest of this piece very carefully. Look carefully at the scene described in John 11.
In this scene there are two people: Martha and Jesus. And for all practical purposes they are the only two people in the universe.
Her words were full of despair. “If you had been here … ” She stares into the Master’s face with confused eyes. She’d been strong long enough; now it hurt too badly. Lazarus was dead. Her brother was gone. And the one man who could have made a difference didn’t. He hadn’t even made it for the burial. Something about death makes us accuse God of betrayal. “If God were here there would be no death!” we claim.
You see, if God is God anywhere, he has to be God in the face of death. Pop psychology can deal with depression. Pep talks can deal with pessimism. Prosperity can handle hunger. But only God can deal with our ultimate dilemma—death. And only the God of the Bible has dared to stand on the canyon’s edge and offer an answer. He has to be God in the face of death. If not, he is not God anywhere.
Jesus wasn’t angry at Martha. Perhaps it was his patience that caused her to change her tone from frustration to earnestness. “Even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
Jesus then made one of those claims that place him either on the throne or in the asylum: “Your brother will rise again.”
Martha misunderstood. (Who wouldn’t have?) “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
That wasn’t what Jesus meant. Don’t miss the context of the next words. Imagine the setting: Jesus has intruded on the enemy’s turf; he’s standing in Satan’s territory, Death Canyon. His stomach turns as he smells the sulfuric stench of the ex-angel, and he winces as he hears the oppressed wails of those trapped in the prison. Satan has been here. He has violated one of God’s creations.
With his foot planted on the serpent’s head, Jesus speaks loudly enough that his words echo off the canyon walls.
“I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die” (John 11:25).
It is a hinge point in history. A chink has been found in death’s armor. The keys to the halls of hell have been claimed. The buzzards scatter and the scorpions scurry as Life confronts death—and wins! The wind stops. A cloud blocks the sun and a bird chirps in the distance while a humiliated snake slithers between the rocks and disappears into the ground.
The stage has been set for a confrontation at Calvary.
But Jesus isn’t through with Martha. With eyes locked on hers he asks the greatest question found in Scripture, a question meant as much for you and me as for Martha.
“Do you believe this?”
Wham! There it is. The bottom line. The dimension that separates Jesus from a thousand gurus and prophets who have come down the pike. The question that drives any responsible listener to absolute obedience to or total rejection of the Christian faith.
“Do you believe this?”
Let the question sink into your heart for a minute. Do you believe that a young, penniless itinerant is larger than your death? Do you truly believe that death is nothing more than an entrance ramp to a new highway?
“Do you believe this?”
Jesus didn’t pose this query as a topic for discussion in Sunday schools. It was never intended to be dealt with while basking in the stained glass sunlight or while seated on padded pews.
No. This is a canyon question. A question which makes sense only during an all-night vigil or in the stillness of smoke-filled waiting rooms. A question that makes sense when all of our props, crutches, and costumes are taken away. For then we must face ourselves as we really are: rudderless humans tailspinning toward disaster. And we are forced to see him for what he claims to be: our only hope.
As much out of desperation as inspiration, Martha said yes. As she studied the tan face of that Galilean carpenter, something told her she’d probably never get closer to the truth than she was right now. So she gave him her hand and let him lead her away from the canyon wall.
“I am the resurrection and the life.… Do you believe this?”
From the newly released
God Came Near: Deluxe Edition
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1987) Max Lucado
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Emotional Capital
by Mark Gungor on November 17th, 2010
Most people understand the concept of “emotional bank accounts” where we all have a limited amount of energy or emotion to give out interacting with other people during any period of time. A person who continuously “spends” can run out of “emotional capital” and have nothing left to give. Attached to this is the idea of making “emotional deposits”. We need to fill up the account in order to be able to spend and give out again. You can make your own deposits by recuperating and doing things that emotionally energize you, or others around you can make the deposits by spending time emotionally engaging and giving to you. You may have also heard of this in terms of a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order to give to others. It is an old and very familiar notion that people are generally aware of.
Just like our checking accounts can become drained of money, our emotional accounts can be drained of emotional currency–especially when there is more going out than is coming in. You can start to run into a shortage that creates a supply and demand issue and just like with cash, it becomes a problem when you try to spend what is simply not there. We become irritated and upset especially when those emotional expenditures are not the kind we want to make.
We don’t like it when we have to “spend” our capital on things that are not essential. Put it in terms of money and it’s easy to understand. Most of us are usually not thrilled if we have to spend money on things we don’t think are necessary. Typically we like to hang onto our hard earned cash and use it for what we want. The same can be said about emotions—we don’t like it when we have to spend our “emotional capital” on people and situations that we believe are nonessential. We will all fork over the emotions for the things we think are worthy, but will resent it when someone is taking our energy if we don’t think we should have to give it….sort of like having to pay taxes, bills or extra charges when we really don’t need or want to....
continued HERE
Most people understand the concept of “emotional bank accounts” where we all have a limited amount of energy or emotion to give out interacting with other people during any period of time. A person who continuously “spends” can run out of “emotional capital” and have nothing left to give. Attached to this is the idea of making “emotional deposits”. We need to fill up the account in order to be able to spend and give out again. You can make your own deposits by recuperating and doing things that emotionally energize you, or others around you can make the deposits by spending time emotionally engaging and giving to you. You may have also heard of this in terms of a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order to give to others. It is an old and very familiar notion that people are generally aware of.
Just like our checking accounts can become drained of money, our emotional accounts can be drained of emotional currency–especially when there is more going out than is coming in. You can start to run into a shortage that creates a supply and demand issue and just like with cash, it becomes a problem when you try to spend what is simply not there. We become irritated and upset especially when those emotional expenditures are not the kind we want to make.
We don’t like it when we have to “spend” our capital on things that are not essential. Put it in terms of money and it’s easy to understand. Most of us are usually not thrilled if we have to spend money on things we don’t think are necessary. Typically we like to hang onto our hard earned cash and use it for what we want. The same can be said about emotions—we don’t like it when we have to spend our “emotional capital” on people and situations that we believe are nonessential. We will all fork over the emotions for the things we think are worthy, but will resent it when someone is taking our energy if we don’t think we should have to give it….sort of like having to pay taxes, bills or extra charges when we really don’t need or want to....
continued HERE
Monday, 15 November 2010
21 Nov 2010
Chairman: Dr. Siow KW
Worship Leader: Foong Yee
Vocalist: Lareina, Peggy Tan, Hong Lu
Keyboardist: Meng Fhui, Jonathan Long
Guitarist: Terry C., Weng Ern
Drummer: Anna Sim
Projectionist: Tian Sia
PA: Manjit Singh, Tommy Q.
Worship Leader: Foong Yee
Vocalist: Lareina, Peggy Tan, Hong Lu
Keyboardist: Meng Fhui, Jonathan Long
Guitarist: Terry C., Weng Ern
Drummer: Anna Sim
Projectionist: Tian Sia
PA: Manjit Singh, Tommy Q.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Monday, 8 November 2010
14 Nov 2010
Chairman: Tom C.
Worship Leader: Kai Yew
Vocalist: Jocelyn C., Siew Pin, Gigi Lim
Keyboardist: Jocelyn Lee, Jacinta Lee
Guitarist: Anna Sim, Prisca
Drummer: Darren
Projectionist: Terry C.
PA: Tommy Q., Manjit Singh
Worship Leader: Kai Yew
Vocalist: Jocelyn C., Siew Pin, Gigi Lim
Keyboardist: Jocelyn Lee, Jacinta Lee
Guitarist: Anna Sim, Prisca
Drummer: Darren
Projectionist: Terry C.
PA: Tommy Q., Manjit Singh
Friday, 5 November 2010
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Is it OK to be Gay and Christian?
Wednesday, 03 November 2010 10:42 AM EDT
J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/29512-is-it-ok-to-be-gay-and-christian#readmore
Charismatic pastor Jim Swilley’s announcement that he is gay opened the door wider for a subtle delusion. Don’t believe it.
Many people were shell-shocked last week when Atlanta pastor Jim Swilley stood in front of his congregation, Church in the Now in Conyers, Ga., and announced that he is gay. The 52-year-old minister was abruptly removed from his position in the International Communion of Charismatic Churches—a network in which he served as an overseer. Some of Swilley’s members left his church, others stayed, and countless others are now scratching their heads.
We Americans are lost in a moral fog. Two major Protestant denominations (the Episcopal Church USA and the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) have voted to ordain gay clergy. Meanwhile, gayness is celebrated in our media, and anyone who refuses to bow to this idol is painted as intolerant and homophobic.
“The sins we avoid addressing from the pulpit are the sins that will thrive unchallenged in our culture. We must develop some backbone and speak the truth in love.”
Christians who still believe homosexuality is incompatible with biblical faith feel painted into a corner. If we defend Christian morality, and even if we speak with compassion to those who may struggle with same-sex attraction, we are accused of hate speech or branded as judgmental. So we tiptoe through the minefield of political correctness—and keep our mouths shut.
Sorry, but timidity on this issue is not acceptable. The sins we avoid addressing from the pulpit are the sins that will thrive unchallenged in our culture. We must develop some backbone and speak the truth in love. Here are four truths that should factor into any discussion on this topic:
1. Everyone is born with issues. King David wrote: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5, NASB). David acknowledged that he had an inborn sin nature. This is true for all of us!
Many “gay Christian” advocates insist that some people are born homosexuals and therefore they have no hope of altering their orientation. But this is a lame argument since we all are born with a propensity toward certain sins. This is the human condition: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Just because you are born with an inclination toward adultery, alcoholism, shoplifting or pride doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
2. Christ offers forgiveness and sexual healing. The more strident voices in the gay community hate when Christians speak about homosexuals being healed or reformed. They insist that if you are gay, you must stay that way. They choose to ignore the fact that thousands of people have left homosexuality after coming to faith in Christ.
My friend Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, came out of the gay lifestyle many years ago and now has a great marriage with his wife, Leslie, plus two beautiful children. The ministry he leads has helped countless people—including many Christian “strugglers”—find emotional freedom. Some of them experienced same-sex feelings from childhood; others developed these feelings because they were sexually molested or because of dysfunction in their families.
Whatever the cause of sexual brokenness, the gospel has always provided the solution. It was true for people in the Corinthian church, to whom Paul wrote: “Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals … will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:9-11, emphasis added).
3. Discipleship requires self-denial. In his announcement to his church last week, Jim Swilley said he decided to come out as gay because he was tired of pretending. I’ve talked with others who told me they felt they were being “dishonest” by ignoring their gay feelings. They said they felt free when they accepted “who they really are” and got involved in gay relationships.
For a Christian, that’s a cop out. The essence of our walk with Christ involves denial. Jesus said: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me” (Matt. 16:24). Jesus was not asking us to pretend we don’t have problems—He calls us to bring all of those problems into His light through repentance. But the Holy Spirit gives us the power to deny sinful desires. That quality of self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (see Gal. 6:22-23).
4. Homosexuality is not a protected category of sin. Many “gay Christian” advocates insist that if you are gay, then it’s fine to go out and have all the sex you want. They ignore biblical commandments against homosexuality (usually by saying that Old Testament law doesn’t apply today); meanwhile they advocate gay marriage even though most gay men are rarely monogamous. The message is clear: If you have same-sex desires, just go ahead and indulge because that’s how you were created.
This is what the Bible calls licentiousness—which means “lacking legal or moral restraints, especially sexual restraints; disregarding rules.” Actually, the Bible lumps homosexuality in with every other form of sexual sin—and says God will punish those who engage in it. After Paul warns about every form of immorality, he says: “So, he who rejects [these rules] is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you” (1 Thess. 4:8).
Regardless of how loudly the world trumpets its hedonistic agenda—and no matter how many backslidden preachers dance to the tune—God has the final say on this matter.
J. Lee Grady is contributing editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter at leegrady His most recent book is The Holy Spirit Is Not for Sale (Chosen). For more information about Exodus International, go to exodusinternational.org.
Read more: http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/29512-is-it-ok-to-be-gay-and-christian#readmore#ixzz14HCVvG9Y
J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones
http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/29512-is-it-ok-to-be-gay-and-christian#readmore
Charismatic pastor Jim Swilley’s announcement that he is gay opened the door wider for a subtle delusion. Don’t believe it.
Many people were shell-shocked last week when Atlanta pastor Jim Swilley stood in front of his congregation, Church in the Now in Conyers, Ga., and announced that he is gay. The 52-year-old minister was abruptly removed from his position in the International Communion of Charismatic Churches—a network in which he served as an overseer. Some of Swilley’s members left his church, others stayed, and countless others are now scratching their heads.
We Americans are lost in a moral fog. Two major Protestant denominations (the Episcopal Church USA and the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) have voted to ordain gay clergy. Meanwhile, gayness is celebrated in our media, and anyone who refuses to bow to this idol is painted as intolerant and homophobic.
“The sins we avoid addressing from the pulpit are the sins that will thrive unchallenged in our culture. We must develop some backbone and speak the truth in love.”
Christians who still believe homosexuality is incompatible with biblical faith feel painted into a corner. If we defend Christian morality, and even if we speak with compassion to those who may struggle with same-sex attraction, we are accused of hate speech or branded as judgmental. So we tiptoe through the minefield of political correctness—and keep our mouths shut.
Sorry, but timidity on this issue is not acceptable. The sins we avoid addressing from the pulpit are the sins that will thrive unchallenged in our culture. We must develop some backbone and speak the truth in love. Here are four truths that should factor into any discussion on this topic:
1. Everyone is born with issues. King David wrote: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5, NASB). David acknowledged that he had an inborn sin nature. This is true for all of us!
Many “gay Christian” advocates insist that some people are born homosexuals and therefore they have no hope of altering their orientation. But this is a lame argument since we all are born with a propensity toward certain sins. This is the human condition: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Just because you are born with an inclination toward adultery, alcoholism, shoplifting or pride doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
2. Christ offers forgiveness and sexual healing. The more strident voices in the gay community hate when Christians speak about homosexuals being healed or reformed. They insist that if you are gay, you must stay that way. They choose to ignore the fact that thousands of people have left homosexuality after coming to faith in Christ.
My friend Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International, came out of the gay lifestyle many years ago and now has a great marriage with his wife, Leslie, plus two beautiful children. The ministry he leads has helped countless people—including many Christian “strugglers”—find emotional freedom. Some of them experienced same-sex feelings from childhood; others developed these feelings because they were sexually molested or because of dysfunction in their families.
Whatever the cause of sexual brokenness, the gospel has always provided the solution. It was true for people in the Corinthian church, to whom Paul wrote: “Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals … will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:9-11, emphasis added).
3. Discipleship requires self-denial. In his announcement to his church last week, Jim Swilley said he decided to come out as gay because he was tired of pretending. I’ve talked with others who told me they felt they were being “dishonest” by ignoring their gay feelings. They said they felt free when they accepted “who they really are” and got involved in gay relationships.
For a Christian, that’s a cop out. The essence of our walk with Christ involves denial. Jesus said: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me” (Matt. 16:24). Jesus was not asking us to pretend we don’t have problems—He calls us to bring all of those problems into His light through repentance. But the Holy Spirit gives us the power to deny sinful desires. That quality of self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (see Gal. 6:22-23).
4. Homosexuality is not a protected category of sin. Many “gay Christian” advocates insist that if you are gay, then it’s fine to go out and have all the sex you want. They ignore biblical commandments against homosexuality (usually by saying that Old Testament law doesn’t apply today); meanwhile they advocate gay marriage even though most gay men are rarely monogamous. The message is clear: If you have same-sex desires, just go ahead and indulge because that’s how you were created.
This is what the Bible calls licentiousness—which means “lacking legal or moral restraints, especially sexual restraints; disregarding rules.” Actually, the Bible lumps homosexuality in with every other form of sexual sin—and says God will punish those who engage in it. After Paul warns about every form of immorality, he says: “So, he who rejects [these rules] is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you” (1 Thess. 4:8).
Regardless of how loudly the world trumpets its hedonistic agenda—and no matter how many backslidden preachers dance to the tune—God has the final say on this matter.
J. Lee Grady is contributing editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter at leegrady His most recent book is The Holy Spirit Is Not for Sale (Chosen). For more information about Exodus International, go to exodusinternational.org.
Read more: http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/29512-is-it-ok-to-be-gay-and-christian#readmore#ixzz14HCVvG9Y
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Christians Think Too Much
by Mark Gungor on May 25th, 2010
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I’m convinced that many Christians think too much. Let me explain. It’s not a matter of learning, using common sense or exercising your intellectual abilities. What I mean is that people put far too much weight on what they think instead of being concerned about what the bible says.
Here is a news flash for you: God loves you but doesn’t give a rat’s butt what you think. He is not sitting up in heaven taking a poll on the public opinion here on Earth trying to decide if he should alter his rules based on what you or anyone else thinks. Seriously, I don’t think that God calls all the angels together and says, “You know, I believe we should make some changes around here. After all, Susan, Bobby and all these other people think that it’s ok to live together before marriage. Jane and John and their friends all think it’s ok to commit adultery because they really love this other person. Maybe we need to change our policies.”
God is actually God and he has thoughts, ways and standards that are His and His alone. He tells us in scripture what to do and how to behave, and your opinion on it is irrelevant. I don’t even care what I think because it simply doesn’t matter. The bible says “thou shall not kill” or “thou shall not commit adultery” and I never even consider asking myself the question, “But what do I think of that?” All that matters is what God says and what God thinks. I base my choices and behavior on pleasing Him.
On judgment day your opinion won’t matter because God is not going to go by what you thought of his instructions and commands. After all, it’s not like what God says is merely a bunch of suggestions to follow only if you like them, if they are convenient and work for you. For instance, the bible says Christians should meet together regularly. Yet you might say, “Yeah, I know I am supposed to go to church, but I don’t really think you have to. I think a person can follow God without actually going to a building. I think I can find God by spending time in nature or just praying and listening to CDs of sermons.” Who cares what you think? And by the way, you are wrong. God’s word is God’s word and what He says trumps what you think.
How about as Christians we start reading the bible and actually do what it says. It doesn’t matter that you think it’s not necessary to attend church or give money. You are wrong, because God says you should. He doesn’t care that you think it’s okay to commit adultery or divorce your spouse because you just aren’t happy. You are wrong. We are believers and our life and actions should be based on what the bible says—what God says. It should be our aim to please Him and make Him happy.
Here’s an analogy to help in understanding this: Let’s say you really want to please me. Maybe you’re trying to impress me in order to get a job, or get me to do something for you and you want to make me happy. Wouldn’t you try to figure out what I think, what I want and like and then act accordingly? I may ask you to bring me something to drink and the people who know me tell you, “Hey, Mark really likes hot chocolate—not cappuccino.” Now if you want to make me happy, then you’ll bring me hot chocolate. What would happen if you decided to bring me cappuccino anyway? I might tell you that I don’t like cappuccino, and if you reply, “Yeah, well, I know that, but I really like it. I think it’s good. Lots of people like it. There’s nothing wrong with it. This is perfectly good cappuccino so I brought it for you anyway.” I would look at you like you were crazy. You acted according to what you thought, but you didn’t please me. It wouldn’t work for me and it won’t work with God either. You must do what pleases Him.
People intentionally disobey the word of God just to make themselves happy and are insulting Him in every conceivable way. They want his blessings and do not make any connection between the way they are living their lives and the obedience God requires of us. I’ve had couples who are living together and having sex, sit in my office and ask me, “Pastor Mark, we have all these struggles and issues. Why isn’t God blessing our lives?” I explain to them that they are sinning and doing all the wrong things but they just do not get the connection. They rationalize and justify their sinful behaviors and wonder why things aren’t going well for them! Many people expect God to be there for them and meet their needs and bless them regardless of the fact that they are blatantly insulting His word and standards by doing all the wrong stuff.
I will hear people, who apparently know the bible, say crazy things like, “Well, I know the bible says such and such, but I don’t think that really matters. That isn’t really what it means. I don’t think God will hold us to that.” Talk about arrogance. Millions of people do this all the time and they actually believe that what they think is all that matters. There are others who truly don’t know what the bible says. If you are one of those people, you really need to read it to find out and then do what His word tells us to do. But don’t run it through your philosophy or filters. Don’t let the pop-psychologists, self-help books, Oprah, your friends, family or even some pastor tell you that what you think is all that really matters.
The bible tells us in Romans 12:3 “…Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment…” Be less concerned about what you think and more concerned about what God says. Learn what pleases Him and live according to His ways. As Christians we need to stop “thinking” about the bible and start obeying it.
Share
I’m convinced that many Christians think too much. Let me explain. It’s not a matter of learning, using common sense or exercising your intellectual abilities. What I mean is that people put far too much weight on what they think instead of being concerned about what the bible says.
Here is a news flash for you: God loves you but doesn’t give a rat’s butt what you think. He is not sitting up in heaven taking a poll on the public opinion here on Earth trying to decide if he should alter his rules based on what you or anyone else thinks. Seriously, I don’t think that God calls all the angels together and says, “You know, I believe we should make some changes around here. After all, Susan, Bobby and all these other people think that it’s ok to live together before marriage. Jane and John and their friends all think it’s ok to commit adultery because they really love this other person. Maybe we need to change our policies.”
God is actually God and he has thoughts, ways and standards that are His and His alone. He tells us in scripture what to do and how to behave, and your opinion on it is irrelevant. I don’t even care what I think because it simply doesn’t matter. The bible says “thou shall not kill” or “thou shall not commit adultery” and I never even consider asking myself the question, “But what do I think of that?” All that matters is what God says and what God thinks. I base my choices and behavior on pleasing Him.
On judgment day your opinion won’t matter because God is not going to go by what you thought of his instructions and commands. After all, it’s not like what God says is merely a bunch of suggestions to follow only if you like them, if they are convenient and work for you. For instance, the bible says Christians should meet together regularly. Yet you might say, “Yeah, I know I am supposed to go to church, but I don’t really think you have to. I think a person can follow God without actually going to a building. I think I can find God by spending time in nature or just praying and listening to CDs of sermons.” Who cares what you think? And by the way, you are wrong. God’s word is God’s word and what He says trumps what you think.
How about as Christians we start reading the bible and actually do what it says. It doesn’t matter that you think it’s not necessary to attend church or give money. You are wrong, because God says you should. He doesn’t care that you think it’s okay to commit adultery or divorce your spouse because you just aren’t happy. You are wrong. We are believers and our life and actions should be based on what the bible says—what God says. It should be our aim to please Him and make Him happy.
Here’s an analogy to help in understanding this: Let’s say you really want to please me. Maybe you’re trying to impress me in order to get a job, or get me to do something for you and you want to make me happy. Wouldn’t you try to figure out what I think, what I want and like and then act accordingly? I may ask you to bring me something to drink and the people who know me tell you, “Hey, Mark really likes hot chocolate—not cappuccino.” Now if you want to make me happy, then you’ll bring me hot chocolate. What would happen if you decided to bring me cappuccino anyway? I might tell you that I don’t like cappuccino, and if you reply, “Yeah, well, I know that, but I really like it. I think it’s good. Lots of people like it. There’s nothing wrong with it. This is perfectly good cappuccino so I brought it for you anyway.” I would look at you like you were crazy. You acted according to what you thought, but you didn’t please me. It wouldn’t work for me and it won’t work with God either. You must do what pleases Him.
People intentionally disobey the word of God just to make themselves happy and are insulting Him in every conceivable way. They want his blessings and do not make any connection between the way they are living their lives and the obedience God requires of us. I’ve had couples who are living together and having sex, sit in my office and ask me, “Pastor Mark, we have all these struggles and issues. Why isn’t God blessing our lives?” I explain to them that they are sinning and doing all the wrong things but they just do not get the connection. They rationalize and justify their sinful behaviors and wonder why things aren’t going well for them! Many people expect God to be there for them and meet their needs and bless them regardless of the fact that they are blatantly insulting His word and standards by doing all the wrong stuff.
I will hear people, who apparently know the bible, say crazy things like, “Well, I know the bible says such and such, but I don’t think that really matters. That isn’t really what it means. I don’t think God will hold us to that.” Talk about arrogance. Millions of people do this all the time and they actually believe that what they think is all that matters. There are others who truly don’t know what the bible says. If you are one of those people, you really need to read it to find out and then do what His word tells us to do. But don’t run it through your philosophy or filters. Don’t let the pop-psychologists, self-help books, Oprah, your friends, family or even some pastor tell you that what you think is all that really matters.
The bible tells us in Romans 12:3 “…Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment…” Be less concerned about what you think and more concerned about what God says. Learn what pleases Him and live according to His ways. As Christians we need to stop “thinking” about the bible and start obeying it.
Stay Away from the Edge
by Mark Gungor on November 2nd, 2010
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In a previous post I talked about the Damage of Sexual Promiscuity—more specifically, the “imprinting” that happens during a person’s initial sexual experiences.
People have read the article or have heard me talk about his and contact me after they realize they have been improperly “imprinted” on—especially through lust-filled, elicit sex and the use of pornography and masturbation—and they want to know if and how it can be reversed or erased. They wonder if it’s possible to go back to a clean slate–kind of like the old Etch-a-Sketch toy where you could turn the knobs and a little line would appear on the screen so you could draw pictures. Then when you wanted to start over, you just tipped the thing upside down and shook it to make all the lines disappear—all was erased and you would have the blank screen again. They ask if it’s possible to get back to the blank screen when it comes to sex.
This was the case with a young man I recently heard from through my radio show. He was one of those people, like so many, that had been affected by his early exploits with lust-filled sex. Since then he had gone on to be a born-again believer, who loves God and is doing all he can to live for Jesus. He wrote to me explaining that he and his wonderful wife of ten years were having some issues. He was still struggling with the desires and “pictures” in his head after all this time and wanted to recreate those things of the past to make their sex life more interesting. That is the power of sexual imprinting.
His wife did not have those types of early experiences, was much more conservative in her approach to sex, and uncomfortable with what her husband wanted. He didn’t force her into anything, but felt the pull to go back and relive those things that were so very exciting in his past. There was frustration and tension between them because of this and he wanted to know how to fix it. This young man—as many people wonder—wanted to know “how far” he could go and still have it be “ok”. Where was the line on what constituted lust? My advice to people who are struggling with this is to stay as far away from the line as you can. Be very deliberate to avoid anything of the lust-filled nature and aim to be as conservative as possible. You won’t get free if you just “cut back” or keep “toeing the line”; you need to stop it all together to break this.
It reminds me about a story of a wealthy man back in the horse and buggy days who was looking to hire a carriage driver. There were three candidates and he asked all three of them the same question: How close to the edge of the cliff can you drive and not go over the edge? The first guy said he could get within two inches and not lose the carriage. The second guy said he could get within a half inch. But the third man wisely said, “I stay as far away from the edge as possible.” He’s the one who got the job and was thinking the right way. Why take the risk? Why push the boundaries? Why do something if it makes the passenger nervous and uncomfortable just so you can have the thrill?!
It’s not about how much you can “get away with”. You need to steer clear, learn to key off your spouse and do what she likes. You must not make it about all the things that are a part of pornography and the promiscuity of your past, rather make it about pleasing her. Men should be lovers to women in the first place. It’s not about what she does to you. Pornography has turned men into selfish pigs who have lost the art of making love to a woman. People who struggle with this can be changed through prayer and with God’s help, but they must be very deliberate. The bible tells us we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We need to change the way we think so that sex isn’t about being selfish and your spouse isn’t there just for you to be satisfied.
If you are “bored” or find that sex is a “drag”, try doing a sex fast for a week or two—maybe even a month if need be. This goes for both men and women—it’s not as common or talked about as frequently, but women can and do have the same issues with lust. Allow your desire to build during that time and concentrate on only your husband or wife. No porn, no masturbating—think only of him or her, focus on that one man or that one woman. Give them your time and attention; flirt with each other to let the sexual tension build until you can retrain yourself to respond only to your spouse without needing all the other garbage to arouse and satisfy you. It will change your life and set you free.
Know that “kind of” staying away from the lust or “cutting back” won’t do it. You need to stop it. For men and women who are Christians, nothing is more miserable than being stuck in a lustful world you know you shouldn’t be in. Dangling dangerously close to the precipice doesn’t work…be like the wise carriage driver and stay as far away from the edge of the cliff as possible.
Share
In a previous post I talked about the Damage of Sexual Promiscuity—more specifically, the “imprinting” that happens during a person’s initial sexual experiences.
People have read the article or have heard me talk about his and contact me after they realize they have been improperly “imprinted” on—especially through lust-filled, elicit sex and the use of pornography and masturbation—and they want to know if and how it can be reversed or erased. They wonder if it’s possible to go back to a clean slate–kind of like the old Etch-a-Sketch toy where you could turn the knobs and a little line would appear on the screen so you could draw pictures. Then when you wanted to start over, you just tipped the thing upside down and shook it to make all the lines disappear—all was erased and you would have the blank screen again. They ask if it’s possible to get back to the blank screen when it comes to sex.
This was the case with a young man I recently heard from through my radio show. He was one of those people, like so many, that had been affected by his early exploits with lust-filled sex. Since then he had gone on to be a born-again believer, who loves God and is doing all he can to live for Jesus. He wrote to me explaining that he and his wonderful wife of ten years were having some issues. He was still struggling with the desires and “pictures” in his head after all this time and wanted to recreate those things of the past to make their sex life more interesting. That is the power of sexual imprinting.
His wife did not have those types of early experiences, was much more conservative in her approach to sex, and uncomfortable with what her husband wanted. He didn’t force her into anything, but felt the pull to go back and relive those things that were so very exciting in his past. There was frustration and tension between them because of this and he wanted to know how to fix it. This young man—as many people wonder—wanted to know “how far” he could go and still have it be “ok”. Where was the line on what constituted lust? My advice to people who are struggling with this is to stay as far away from the line as you can. Be very deliberate to avoid anything of the lust-filled nature and aim to be as conservative as possible. You won’t get free if you just “cut back” or keep “toeing the line”; you need to stop it all together to break this.
It reminds me about a story of a wealthy man back in the horse and buggy days who was looking to hire a carriage driver. There were three candidates and he asked all three of them the same question: How close to the edge of the cliff can you drive and not go over the edge? The first guy said he could get within two inches and not lose the carriage. The second guy said he could get within a half inch. But the third man wisely said, “I stay as far away from the edge as possible.” He’s the one who got the job and was thinking the right way. Why take the risk? Why push the boundaries? Why do something if it makes the passenger nervous and uncomfortable just so you can have the thrill?!
It’s not about how much you can “get away with”. You need to steer clear, learn to key off your spouse and do what she likes. You must not make it about all the things that are a part of pornography and the promiscuity of your past, rather make it about pleasing her. Men should be lovers to women in the first place. It’s not about what she does to you. Pornography has turned men into selfish pigs who have lost the art of making love to a woman. People who struggle with this can be changed through prayer and with God’s help, but they must be very deliberate. The bible tells us we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We need to change the way we think so that sex isn’t about being selfish and your spouse isn’t there just for you to be satisfied.
If you are “bored” or find that sex is a “drag”, try doing a sex fast for a week or two—maybe even a month if need be. This goes for both men and women—it’s not as common or talked about as frequently, but women can and do have the same issues with lust. Allow your desire to build during that time and concentrate on only your husband or wife. No porn, no masturbating—think only of him or her, focus on that one man or that one woman. Give them your time and attention; flirt with each other to let the sexual tension build until you can retrain yourself to respond only to your spouse without needing all the other garbage to arouse and satisfy you. It will change your life and set you free.
Know that “kind of” staying away from the lust or “cutting back” won’t do it. You need to stop it. For men and women who are Christians, nothing is more miserable than being stuck in a lustful world you know you shouldn’t be in. Dangling dangerously close to the precipice doesn’t work…be like the wise carriage driver and stay as far away from the edge of the cliff as possible.
Monday, 1 November 2010
7 Nov 2010 (to be confirmed)
WFA 25th Anniversary Celebration Service @ Min Kok
Chairman: Caleb R.
Worship Leader: Peggy Tan
Vocalists: Colleen, Foong Yee, Hong Lu
Keyboardist: Prisca, Meng Fhui
Guitarist: Terry C., Weng Ern
Drummer: Ken Fhui
Projectionist: Moses Tan
PA: Hiew FF, Tommy .Q
Chairman: Caleb R.
Worship Leader: Peggy Tan
Vocalists: Colleen, Foong Yee, Hong Lu
Keyboardist: Prisca, Meng Fhui
Guitarist: Terry C., Weng Ern
Drummer: Ken Fhui
Projectionist: Moses Tan
PA: Hiew FF, Tommy .Q
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Sunday Sermon 31-Oct-2010 - Rev. Canon. Dr. Lakshman K.R
Speaker: Rev. Canon. Dr. Lakshman K.R
Bethel Anglican Centre, Puchong Jaya
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Why ARE so many modern British career women converting to Islam?
Tony Blair’s sister-in-law announced her conversion to Islam last weekend. Journalist Lauren Booth embraced the faith after what she describes as a ‘holy experience’ in Iran.
She is just one of a growing number of modern British career women to do so. Here, writer EVE AHMED, who was raised as a Muslim before rejecting the faith, explores the reasons why.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1324039/Like-Lauren-Booth-ARE-modern-British-career-women-converting-Islam.html
She is just one of a growing number of modern British career women to do so. Here, writer EVE AHMED, who was raised as a Muslim before rejecting the faith, explores the reasons why.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1324039/Like-Lauren-Booth-ARE-modern-British-career-women-converting-Islam.html
Monday, 25 October 2010
31 Oct 2010
Chairman: Barnabas P.
Worship Leader: Prisca
Vocalist: Siew Pin, Jocelyn C, Lareina
Keyboardist: Lydia Sim, Jocelyn Lee
Guitarist: Darren , Ken Fhui
Drummer: Jaemy C.
Projectionist: Meng Fhui
PA: Manjit Singh, Tommy Q.
Worship Leader: Prisca
Vocalist: Siew Pin, Jocelyn C, Lareina
Keyboardist: Lydia Sim, Jocelyn Lee
Guitarist: Darren , Ken Fhui
Drummer: Jaemy C.
Projectionist: Meng Fhui
PA: Manjit Singh, Tommy Q.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Sunday Sermon 24-Oct-2010 - Rev. Dr. Solomon Abraham
Speaker: Rev. Dr. Solomon Abraham
Grace Assembly Of God, Petaling Jaya
http://www.mediafire.com/?bkx0fsq15f0xp96
Grace Assembly Of God, Petaling Jaya
http://www.mediafire.com/?bkx0fsq15f0xp96
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Vatican Mideast synod ends with criticism of Israel
published in theStar
By Philip Pullella
VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Israel cannot use the Biblical concept of a promised land or a chosen people to justify new settlements in Jerusalem or territorial claims, a Vatican synod on the Middle East said on Saturday.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrates a mass marking the opening of the Synod of bishops from the Middle Eastern region at the Vatican October 10, 2010.Israel cannot use the Biblical concept of a promised land or a chosen people to justify new settlements in Jerusalem or territorial claims, a Vatican synod on the Middle East said. (REUTERS/Tony Gentile/Files)
In its concluding message after two weeks of meetings, the synod of bishops from the Middle East also said it hoped a two-state solution for peace between Israel and the Palestinians could be lifted from dream to reality and called for peaceful conditions that would stop a Christian exodus from the region.
"We have meditated on the situation of the holy city of Jerusalem. We are anxious about the unilateral initiatives that threaten its composition and risk to change its demographic balance," the message said.
U.S.-brokered peace talks have stalled since Israel rejected appeals to extend a temporary moratorium on settlement construction in the occupied West Bank that expired last month.
Since the freeze expired, Israel has announced plans to build another 238 homes in two East Jerusalem neighbourhoods, drawing the condemnation of Palestinians and world leaders.
In a separate part of the document -- a section on cooperation with Jews -- the synod fathers also took issue with Jews who use the Bible to justify settlements in the West Bank, which Israel captured in 1967.
"Recourse to theological and biblical positions which use the Word of God to wrongly justify injustices is not acceptable," the document said.
Many Jewish settlers and right-wing Israelis claim a biblical birthright to the occupied West Bank, which they call Judea and Samaria and regard as a part of historical, ancient Israel given to the Jews by God.
"THERE IS NO LONGER A CHOSEN PEOPLE"
Asked about the passage at a news conference, Greek-Melchite Archbishop Cyrille Salim Bustros, said:
"We Christians cannot speak about the promised land for the Jewish people. There is no longer a chosen people. All men and women of all countries have become the chosen people.
"The concept of the promised land cannot be used as a base for the justification of the return of Jews to Israel and the displacement of Palestinians," he added. "The justification of Israel's occupation of the land of Palestine cannot be based on sacred scriptures."
The synod's concluding message repeated a Vatican call for Jerusalem to have a special status "which respects its particular character" as a city sacred to the three great monotheistic religions -- Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
Jerusalem remains a key issue of dispute. Palestinians want East Jerusalem for capital of a future state. Israel has annexed the area, a move never recognised internationally, and has declared Jerusalem to be its "united and eternal" capital.
Israel did not include East Jerusalem as part of its 10-month building freeze, though most plans there were put on hold in March, when the U.S. protested reports of a new housing project leaked during a visit by Vice President Joe Biden.
East Jerusalem was also captured by Israel in 1967.
While recognising "the suffering and insecurity in which Israelis live" and the need for Israel to enjoy peace within internationally recognised borders, the document was much more expansive and detailed on the situation of Palestinians.
It said Palestinians "are suffering the consequences of the Israeli occupation: the lack of freedom of movement, the wall of separation and the military checkpoints, the political prisoners, the demolition of homes, the disturbance of socio-economic life and the thousands of refugees".
It urged Christians in the region not to sell their homes and properties. "It is a vital aspect of the lives of those who remain there and for those who one day will return there."
It condemned terrorism "from wherever it may proceed" as well as anti-Semitism, Islamophobia and discrimination against Christians.
(Additional reporting by Allyn Fisher-Ilan in Jerusalem; Editing by Mark Heinrich)
Copyright © 2010 Reuters
By Philip Pullella
VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Israel cannot use the Biblical concept of a promised land or a chosen people to justify new settlements in Jerusalem or territorial claims, a Vatican synod on the Middle East said on Saturday.
Pope Benedict XVI celebrates a mass marking the opening of the Synod of bishops from the Middle Eastern region at the Vatican October 10, 2010.Israel cannot use the Biblical concept of a promised land or a chosen people to justify new settlements in Jerusalem or territorial claims, a Vatican synod on the Middle East said. (REUTERS/Tony Gentile/Files)
In its concluding message after two weeks of meetings, the synod of bishops from the Middle East also said it hoped a two-state solution for peace between Israel and the Palestinians could be lifted from dream to reality and called for peaceful conditions that would stop a Christian exodus from the region.
"We have meditated on the situation of the holy city of Jerusalem. We are anxious about the unilateral initiatives that threaten its composition and risk to change its demographic balance," the message said.
U.S.-brokered peace talks have stalled since Israel rejected appeals to extend a temporary moratorium on settlement construction in the occupied West Bank that expired last month.
Since the freeze expired, Israel has announced plans to build another 238 homes in two East Jerusalem neighbourhoods, drawing the condemnation of Palestinians and world leaders.
In a separate part of the document -- a section on cooperation with Jews -- the synod fathers also took issue with Jews who use the Bible to justify settlements in the West Bank, which Israel captured in 1967.
"Recourse to theological and biblical positions which use the Word of God to wrongly justify injustices is not acceptable," the document said.
Many Jewish settlers and right-wing Israelis claim a biblical birthright to the occupied West Bank, which they call Judea and Samaria and regard as a part of historical, ancient Israel given to the Jews by God.
"THERE IS NO LONGER A CHOSEN PEOPLE"
Asked about the passage at a news conference, Greek-Melchite Archbishop Cyrille Salim Bustros, said:
"We Christians cannot speak about the promised land for the Jewish people. There is no longer a chosen people. All men and women of all countries have become the chosen people.
"The concept of the promised land cannot be used as a base for the justification of the return of Jews to Israel and the displacement of Palestinians," he added. "The justification of Israel's occupation of the land of Palestine cannot be based on sacred scriptures."
The synod's concluding message repeated a Vatican call for Jerusalem to have a special status "which respects its particular character" as a city sacred to the three great monotheistic religions -- Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
Jerusalem remains a key issue of dispute. Palestinians want East Jerusalem for capital of a future state. Israel has annexed the area, a move never recognised internationally, and has declared Jerusalem to be its "united and eternal" capital.
Israel did not include East Jerusalem as part of its 10-month building freeze, though most plans there were put on hold in March, when the U.S. protested reports of a new housing project leaked during a visit by Vice President Joe Biden.
East Jerusalem was also captured by Israel in 1967.
While recognising "the suffering and insecurity in which Israelis live" and the need for Israel to enjoy peace within internationally recognised borders, the document was much more expansive and detailed on the situation of Palestinians.
It said Palestinians "are suffering the consequences of the Israeli occupation: the lack of freedom of movement, the wall of separation and the military checkpoints, the political prisoners, the demolition of homes, the disturbance of socio-economic life and the thousands of refugees".
It urged Christians in the region not to sell their homes and properties. "It is a vital aspect of the lives of those who remain there and for those who one day will return there."
It condemned terrorism "from wherever it may proceed" as well as anti-Semitism, Islamophobia and discrimination against Christians.
(Additional reporting by Allyn Fisher-Ilan in Jerusalem; Editing by Mark Heinrich)
Copyright © 2010 Reuters
Monday, 18 October 2010
24 Oct 2010
Dr. Siow KW
Shankar
Hong Lu, Foong Yee, Colleen
Meng Fhui, Jacinta Lee
Anna Sim
Weng Ern, Khen Fhui
Moses Tan
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF.
Shankar
Hong Lu, Foong Yee, Colleen
Meng Fhui, Jacinta Lee
Anna Sim
Weng Ern, Khen Fhui
Moses Tan
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF.
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Friday, 15 October 2010
There Ain’t No Easy Button
by Mark Gungor on September 17th, 2010
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Lots of people wish life had an easy button… like the commercial for the office supply store Staples, where you just push the big red button with the word “easy” on it and everything you want just magically happens. But the reality is, there are no easy buttons in life, and that is especially true in Christianity—even though people often think and act like God is the easy button for us.
Frequently, believers will treat God like the magic genie or giant vending machine in the sky. We ask Him to do things just so we don’t have to do it ourselves; then we don’t have to put any work or effort into a situation. Husbands and wives will pray for God to make their marriage better, yet they will continue to invest no time and attention into the relationship. People may be diagnosed with some illness or condition and beg God to heal them and take it away, but they won’t do anything to change their diet, exercise or lifestyle that would improve their health. Students will blow off studying for an exam, yet earnestly pray for God to help them do well on the test. There are people who pray and ask God to bring them a job or a spouse, but never go out and look for one! I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but that’s not the way it works.
God will help us. We can ask Him to give us the strength and courage to persevere and do the right things—like dealing with disease, a difficult relationship, or temptation—but He doesn’t just magically fix it or take it all away to make it easy. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with and controlling feelings. Here is one common example that I’ve heard numerous times from men: I’m so tempted to look at other women and pornography and I’ve prayed and prayed for God to take those feelings away. I’ve also heard people say that they are experiencing great temptation with attraction to another person other than their spouse and want God to just “take those feelings away”. Mind you, they don’t want to flee the temptation or stay away from this person or situation. They don’t want to learn to control their feelings—they want the easy button instead. And quite simply, there isn’t one.
Part of being a Christ follower is learning not to be led by feelings. We must learn that feelings don’t determine our behavior or else we will be doomed. Most people think that if they feel it, they just have to do it and that’s why they pray those prayers asking God to “take them away”. They reason that surely humans can’t help what they feel! Sadly, too many people end up being slaves to their feelings and think they cannot possibly manage, control or resist their urges, temptations and emotions. Therefore they believe that the only reasonable and certain solution is for God to just zap them away. Nonsense!
The bible is very clear that we are to fight temptation and that God will help us so we don’t have to succumb. I Corinthians 10:13 says: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (NIV) That means you don’t have to give in, nothing is too much for you to take—despite what your feelings tell you. In the book of James scripture tells us to resist the devil and he will flee from you (4:7). But we don’t want to resist the devil; we want to pray and ask God to make him to go away. These are wrong thoughts and wrong prayers. God won’t do it. He won’t sprinkle you with pixie dust and make it all vanish. We are expected to live by His word and that means we have to do our part in this—never giving up and never giving in. James goes on to say we are blessed when we persevere (1:12 and 5:11)
Every human being is tempted—whether that means you are tempted by visual lusts, feelings of attraction or dissatisfaction, the tendency to be mean and nasty to people, complacency in your faith, food, alcohol, drugs, and the list goes on and on—but that doesn’t mean we are to be condemned for feeling certain things. We are to resist, not in our own will power, because as believers we have the Holy Spirit and the power of the risen Christ at work in us to enable us to stand up to any and every temptation or feeling. The problem is often people equate the want to with the have to, but just because you feel it, doesn’t mean that you listen to those wants or feelings or that you act upon them. And sometimes those “want tos” can be really strong, but they are never greater than the strength we have as Christians. Don’t tell me that your desire to look at porn is more powerful than Jesus!
It’s at times of temptation and struggle that we must rely on the power available to us. That is when it is vitally important to have the word of God in you so are able to quote the truths of scripture that will enable you to combat and fight those urges.** Only then will we be able to break free from being a slave to feelings and not allow emotions to dictate our choices. We must stop thinking we have to be “true and honest to our feelings”. They are the most unreliable and dishonest thing a person could possibly follow. As Christians we must learn to control our feelings and not allow them to control us.
Stop asking and expecting God to do all the heavy lifting, just so you can have it easy and not do the work that it requires. Remember, there is no easy button in heaven…you’ll have to go to Staples for that.
**For a list of scripture to help you with any kind of temptation, please see our link at http://www.laughyourway.com/resources/sexual-addiction/.
Share
Lots of people wish life had an easy button… like the commercial for the office supply store Staples, where you just push the big red button with the word “easy” on it and everything you want just magically happens. But the reality is, there are no easy buttons in life, and that is especially true in Christianity—even though people often think and act like God is the easy button for us.
Frequently, believers will treat God like the magic genie or giant vending machine in the sky. We ask Him to do things just so we don’t have to do it ourselves; then we don’t have to put any work or effort into a situation. Husbands and wives will pray for God to make their marriage better, yet they will continue to invest no time and attention into the relationship. People may be diagnosed with some illness or condition and beg God to heal them and take it away, but they won’t do anything to change their diet, exercise or lifestyle that would improve their health. Students will blow off studying for an exam, yet earnestly pray for God to help them do well on the test. There are people who pray and ask God to bring them a job or a spouse, but never go out and look for one! I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but that’s not the way it works.
God will help us. We can ask Him to give us the strength and courage to persevere and do the right things—like dealing with disease, a difficult relationship, or temptation—but He doesn’t just magically fix it or take it all away to make it easy. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with and controlling feelings. Here is one common example that I’ve heard numerous times from men: I’m so tempted to look at other women and pornography and I’ve prayed and prayed for God to take those feelings away. I’ve also heard people say that they are experiencing great temptation with attraction to another person other than their spouse and want God to just “take those feelings away”. Mind you, they don’t want to flee the temptation or stay away from this person or situation. They don’t want to learn to control their feelings—they want the easy button instead. And quite simply, there isn’t one.
Part of being a Christ follower is learning not to be led by feelings. We must learn that feelings don’t determine our behavior or else we will be doomed. Most people think that if they feel it, they just have to do it and that’s why they pray those prayers asking God to “take them away”. They reason that surely humans can’t help what they feel! Sadly, too many people end up being slaves to their feelings and think they cannot possibly manage, control or resist their urges, temptations and emotions. Therefore they believe that the only reasonable and certain solution is for God to just zap them away. Nonsense!
The bible is very clear that we are to fight temptation and that God will help us so we don’t have to succumb. I Corinthians 10:13 says: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (NIV) That means you don’t have to give in, nothing is too much for you to take—despite what your feelings tell you. In the book of James scripture tells us to resist the devil and he will flee from you (4:7). But we don’t want to resist the devil; we want to pray and ask God to make him to go away. These are wrong thoughts and wrong prayers. God won’t do it. He won’t sprinkle you with pixie dust and make it all vanish. We are expected to live by His word and that means we have to do our part in this—never giving up and never giving in. James goes on to say we are blessed when we persevere (1:12 and 5:11)
Every human being is tempted—whether that means you are tempted by visual lusts, feelings of attraction or dissatisfaction, the tendency to be mean and nasty to people, complacency in your faith, food, alcohol, drugs, and the list goes on and on—but that doesn’t mean we are to be condemned for feeling certain things. We are to resist, not in our own will power, because as believers we have the Holy Spirit and the power of the risen Christ at work in us to enable us to stand up to any and every temptation or feeling. The problem is often people equate the want to with the have to, but just because you feel it, doesn’t mean that you listen to those wants or feelings or that you act upon them. And sometimes those “want tos” can be really strong, but they are never greater than the strength we have as Christians. Don’t tell me that your desire to look at porn is more powerful than Jesus!
It’s at times of temptation and struggle that we must rely on the power available to us. That is when it is vitally important to have the word of God in you so are able to quote the truths of scripture that will enable you to combat and fight those urges.** Only then will we be able to break free from being a slave to feelings and not allow emotions to dictate our choices. We must stop thinking we have to be “true and honest to our feelings”. They are the most unreliable and dishonest thing a person could possibly follow. As Christians we must learn to control our feelings and not allow them to control us.
Stop asking and expecting God to do all the heavy lifting, just so you can have it easy and not do the work that it requires. Remember, there is no easy button in heaven…you’ll have to go to Staples for that.
**For a list of scripture to help you with any kind of temptation, please see our link at http://www.laughyourway.com/resources/sexual-addiction/.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 7/7
Enduring Gospel Witness
Abstinence is not to blame for our marital crisis. But promoting it has come at a cost in a permissive world in which we are increasingly postponing marriage. While I am no fan of the demographic realities I outlined earlier, one thing I will remember is that while sex matters, marriage matters more. The importance of Christian marriage as a symbol of God's covenantal faithfulness to his people—and a witness to the future union of Christ and his bride—will only grow in significance as the wider Western culture diminishes both the meaning and actual practice of marriage. Marriage itself will become a witness to the gospel.
Romantic relationship formation is what I study. I've spoken with hundreds of young adults about not only what they think or hope for, but also what they actually do. Time and again, I've listened to Christian undergraduates recount to me how their relationships turned sexual. One thing I never ask them is why. I know why. Because sex feels great, it feels connectional, it feels deeply human. I never blame them for wanting that. Sex is intended to deepen personal relationships, and desire for it is intended to promote marriage. Such are the impulses of many young Christians in love. In an environment where parents and peers are encouraging them to delay thoughts of marriage, I'm not surprised that their sexuality remains difficult to suppress and the source of considerable angst. We would do well to recognize some of these relationships for what they are: marriages in the making. If a young couple displays maturity, faith, fidelity, a commitment to understanding marriage as a covenant, and a sense of realism about marriage, then it's our duty—indeed, our pleasure—to help them expedite the part of marriage that involves public recognition and celebration of what God is already knitting together. We ought to "rejoice and delight" in them, and praise their love (Song of Sol. 1:4).
Mark Regnerus, Ph.D., is the author of Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers (Oxford, 2007). He's an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin, where he lives with his wife, Deeann, and their three children.
Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.
Abstinence is not to blame for our marital crisis. But promoting it has come at a cost in a permissive world in which we are increasingly postponing marriage. While I am no fan of the demographic realities I outlined earlier, one thing I will remember is that while sex matters, marriage matters more. The importance of Christian marriage as a symbol of God's covenantal faithfulness to his people—and a witness to the future union of Christ and his bride—will only grow in significance as the wider Western culture diminishes both the meaning and actual practice of marriage. Marriage itself will become a witness to the gospel.
Romantic relationship formation is what I study. I've spoken with hundreds of young adults about not only what they think or hope for, but also what they actually do. Time and again, I've listened to Christian undergraduates recount to me how their relationships turned sexual. One thing I never ask them is why. I know why. Because sex feels great, it feels connectional, it feels deeply human. I never blame them for wanting that. Sex is intended to deepen personal relationships, and desire for it is intended to promote marriage. Such are the impulses of many young Christians in love. In an environment where parents and peers are encouraging them to delay thoughts of marriage, I'm not surprised that their sexuality remains difficult to suppress and the source of considerable angst. We would do well to recognize some of these relationships for what they are: marriages in the making. If a young couple displays maturity, faith, fidelity, a commitment to understanding marriage as a covenant, and a sense of realism about marriage, then it's our duty—indeed, our pleasure—to help them expedite the part of marriage that involves public recognition and celebration of what God is already knitting together. We ought to "rejoice and delight" in them, and praise their love (Song of Sol. 1:4).
Mark Regnerus, Ph.D., is the author of Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers (Oxford, 2007). He's an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin, where he lives with his wife, Deeann, and their three children.
Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.
Monday, 11 October 2010
17-Oct-10
Liong KC
Foong Yee
Jocelyn Choong, Hong Lu, Peggy Tan
Prisca, Jonathan L
Anna Sim, Weng Ern
Ken Fhui
Meng Fhui
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF
Foong Yee
Jocelyn Choong, Hong Lu, Peggy Tan
Prisca, Jonathan L
Anna Sim, Weng Ern
Ken Fhui
Meng Fhui
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF
Sunday, 10 October 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 6/7
Toward this end, pastors, premarital counselors, and Christian friends must be free to speak frankly into the lives of those seeking their counsel about marriage. While it may be nice to find an optimal match in marriage, it cannot hold a candle to sharing a mental and spiritual commitment to the enduring covenant between God, man, and woman. It just can't. People change. Chemistry wanes. Covenants don't.
(4) Marrying for Sex: One byproduct of the abstinence culture is that some marry early simply for the promise of long-awaited, guilt-free sex. After all, Paul told us that it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7). And modern America certainly bears a striking resemblance to Corinth, whose church was confused about what to do with marriage. Its people were delaying marriage, just like we are. Yet in our culture of shallow marriages and easy divorce, marrying simply for the lure of sex is not what Paul had in mind. He reminded the Corinthians—and us—of the only two callings for believers in this matter: a season or lifetime of singleness, or marriage. In other words, our freedom to serve as singles or our submission as married people is never intended to be about us. It's about God. While I certainly understand the biological urge to mate, we need to remind young adults that values like generosity, courage, dependability, compassion, and godliness live on far longer than do high testosterone and estrogen levels. Simply put, family and friends ought to do their best to help young couples discern whether there is more to their love than sexual desire.
(5) Unrealistic expectations: Today's young adults show tremendous optimism about their own personal futures, leading many to sense they are entitled to a great marriage that will commence according to plan, on their timetable. Unfortunately, marital life often ends up looking different from what they had anticipated. Marriage is a remarkable institution in many ways, but it cannot bear all of the unrealistic expectations that we moderns have heaped upon it.
So enough of the honeymoon banter: insiders know that a good marriage is hard work, and that its challenges often begin immediately. The abstinence industry perpetuates a blissful myth; too much is made of the explosively rewarding marital sex life awaiting abstainers. The fact is that God makes no promises of great sex to those who wait. Some experience difficult marriages. Spouses wander. Others cannot conceive children.
In reality, spouses learn marriage, just like they learn communication, child-rearing, or making love. Unfortunately, education about marriage is now sadly perceived as self-obvious, juvenile, or feminine, the domain of disparaged home economics courses. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In sum, Christians need to get real about marriage: it's a covenant helpmate thing that suffers from too much idealism and too little realism.Weddings may be beautiful, but marriages become beautiful. Personal storytelling and testimonies can work wonders here, since so much about life is learned behavior. Young adults want to know that it's possible for two fellow believers to stay happy together for a lifetime, and they need to hear how the generations preceding them did it.
(4) Marrying for Sex: One byproduct of the abstinence culture is that some marry early simply for the promise of long-awaited, guilt-free sex. After all, Paul told us that it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7). And modern America certainly bears a striking resemblance to Corinth, whose church was confused about what to do with marriage. Its people were delaying marriage, just like we are. Yet in our culture of shallow marriages and easy divorce, marrying simply for the lure of sex is not what Paul had in mind. He reminded the Corinthians—and us—of the only two callings for believers in this matter: a season or lifetime of singleness, or marriage. In other words, our freedom to serve as singles or our submission as married people is never intended to be about us. It's about God. While I certainly understand the biological urge to mate, we need to remind young adults that values like generosity, courage, dependability, compassion, and godliness live on far longer than do high testosterone and estrogen levels. Simply put, family and friends ought to do their best to help young couples discern whether there is more to their love than sexual desire.
(5) Unrealistic expectations: Today's young adults show tremendous optimism about their own personal futures, leading many to sense they are entitled to a great marriage that will commence according to plan, on their timetable. Unfortunately, marital life often ends up looking different from what they had anticipated. Marriage is a remarkable institution in many ways, but it cannot bear all of the unrealistic expectations that we moderns have heaped upon it.
So enough of the honeymoon banter: insiders know that a good marriage is hard work, and that its challenges often begin immediately. The abstinence industry perpetuates a blissful myth; too much is made of the explosively rewarding marital sex life awaiting abstainers. The fact is that God makes no promises of great sex to those who wait. Some experience difficult marriages. Spouses wander. Others cannot conceive children.
In reality, spouses learn marriage, just like they learn communication, child-rearing, or making love. Unfortunately, education about marriage is now sadly perceived as self-obvious, juvenile, or feminine, the domain of disparaged home economics courses. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In sum, Christians need to get real about marriage: it's a covenant helpmate thing that suffers from too much idealism and too little realism.Weddings may be beautiful, but marriages become beautiful. Personal storytelling and testimonies can work wonders here, since so much about life is learned behavior. Young adults want to know that it's possible for two fellow believers to stay happy together for a lifetime, and they need to hear how the generations preceding them did it.
Friday, 8 October 2010
Forgiveness Part 2: What is Forgiveness?
by Mark Gungor on October 4th, 2010
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In the previous post I wrote about why it is imperative to let go of hurts and offenses and to live your life walking in forgiveness. As Christians we do not have the luxury of remaining bitter, vengeful, unforgiving and holding grudges. I laid out the scriptural commands that instruct us on forgiveness and showed the gravity of the situation when we do not forgive others. Knowing that God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others is a pretty sobering thought and should be all the motivation we need. Yet we often have difficulty with forgiving those who have transgressed against us and hurt us. I think we don’t really understand what it means to forgive someone.
Many times people have trouble forgiving because they believe that it’s tied to emotions or memory and they think they have to stop feeling or stop remembering in order to forgive. Not true. I teach every weekend at my marriage seminar and write about it in my book Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. Here is an excerpt:
The first thing you have to understand about forgiveness is that is has nothing to do with your emotions. You may feel the emotional pain of what that other person did to you till the day you die—it has nothing to do with forgiveness.
Second, forgiveness has nothing to do with erasing your memory. You may remember what that person did to you till the day you die. Forgiveness is simply this: a decision to let it go. The Greek word that translates to “forgiveness” is aphieeme,” literally “to send off,” “to release,” or “to let go.” This means forgiveness is the act of sending away incidents that cause offense to brew in us. It means we can’t keep focusing on the wrong done to us. Forgiveness is an act. This is an example of forgiveness: ‘I forgive you. I will never use it against you in the future. I will never speak of it again to you or to anyone else.”
When you forgive, you decide to release the person from his or her guilt, period. You may remember the offense repeatedly at first. That’s okay. The commitment to forgive a person is a commitment to “send away” the incident every time it reappears in your mind.
Once the apostle Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s 490 times.
Luke, in his Gospel, adds the phrase “a day.’ Imagine forgiving the same person 490 times a day! Truth is, it is pretty easy to get consumed by someone’s offense. When a person does something that really hurts you, you will naturally think about it over and over again. Practicing the principle of forgiving someone 490 times a day means every time you think about what that person did to you, you prayerfully give it to God. The choice to forgive means we keep forgiving. Over time you will find the incident losing strength.
You must also remember that forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or your heart. If you’re still talking about what that person did to you, you haven’t forgiven him or her. You need to hush. You need to let it go. The good news is, God will help you do this.
See, you don’t have to erase your feelings or memories. Forgiveness is not amnesia; it’s intentionally choosing to let the offense go. When God forgives us He never brings it up again. The Bible says he throws it in the sea of forgetfulness. But it’s not like he’s an old man who has Alzheimer’s. Do you really think that God can’t remember? It’s not as if God looks at you and goes, “There’s something that ticks me off about this guy, but I just can’t remember what it is!” You think God literally can’t remember? Of course He can, He just chooses not to. He never brings it up again. He never, ever, ever, will speak of it or use it against you in any way, shape, or form. And that’s what you need to do as a Christian. You need to quite talking about it…and that includes the running conversations you have with yourself in your head!
When an offense is new and you are first dealing with all the emotion and hurt, you need to talk through it and all. I get that and I’m not condemning that. But at some point you have to stop, let it go and you have to let go of the anger and hate in your heart. People complain that it’s hard to do. Yeah, that’s why you need to pray and ask God to help you. I’ve struggled with this. There have been times in my life that I’ve been so angry and I didn’t want to forgive. But I knew better. I knew this was not okay and I took it so seriously because I know what the Bible says. So in tears and crying out to God, I dealt with it and broke through. So I’m not condemning people who struggle with this—we all struggle. If you are a Christian you have to let it go. If you say you have forgiven the person, but are constantly in a state of pain day after day, into week after month after year, you have only re-titled the unforgiveness as “pain”. Be aware of the struggle and realize that it’s not a good place for you to be. It might take some work, but you need to get out of it.
Refusing to forgive another doesn’t make right the wrong, nor does it even the score or supply vengeance. It only hurts the one who refuses to forgive. Unforgiveness is like taking poison in hopes that the other guy will die. And it is literally like a toxic poison in your body. It will make you sick and destroy you, your life and your relationships. Jesus taught that without forgiveness, your very relationship to God is doomed. And I can assure you that without forgiveness, your marriage is doomed.
*Also see the related post “I Said I Was Sorry”.
Share
In the previous post I wrote about why it is imperative to let go of hurts and offenses and to live your life walking in forgiveness. As Christians we do not have the luxury of remaining bitter, vengeful, unforgiving and holding grudges. I laid out the scriptural commands that instruct us on forgiveness and showed the gravity of the situation when we do not forgive others. Knowing that God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others is a pretty sobering thought and should be all the motivation we need. Yet we often have difficulty with forgiving those who have transgressed against us and hurt us. I think we don’t really understand what it means to forgive someone.
Many times people have trouble forgiving because they believe that it’s tied to emotions or memory and they think they have to stop feeling or stop remembering in order to forgive. Not true. I teach every weekend at my marriage seminar and write about it in my book Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. Here is an excerpt:
The first thing you have to understand about forgiveness is that is has nothing to do with your emotions. You may feel the emotional pain of what that other person did to you till the day you die—it has nothing to do with forgiveness.
Second, forgiveness has nothing to do with erasing your memory. You may remember what that person did to you till the day you die. Forgiveness is simply this: a decision to let it go. The Greek word that translates to “forgiveness” is aphieeme,” literally “to send off,” “to release,” or “to let go.” This means forgiveness is the act of sending away incidents that cause offense to brew in us. It means we can’t keep focusing on the wrong done to us. Forgiveness is an act. This is an example of forgiveness: ‘I forgive you. I will never use it against you in the future. I will never speak of it again to you or to anyone else.”
When you forgive, you decide to release the person from his or her guilt, period. You may remember the offense repeatedly at first. That’s okay. The commitment to forgive a person is a commitment to “send away” the incident every time it reappears in your mind.
Once the apostle Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s 490 times.
Luke, in his Gospel, adds the phrase “a day.’ Imagine forgiving the same person 490 times a day! Truth is, it is pretty easy to get consumed by someone’s offense. When a person does something that really hurts you, you will naturally think about it over and over again. Practicing the principle of forgiving someone 490 times a day means every time you think about what that person did to you, you prayerfully give it to God. The choice to forgive means we keep forgiving. Over time you will find the incident losing strength.
You must also remember that forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or your heart. If you’re still talking about what that person did to you, you haven’t forgiven him or her. You need to hush. You need to let it go. The good news is, God will help you do this.
See, you don’t have to erase your feelings or memories. Forgiveness is not amnesia; it’s intentionally choosing to let the offense go. When God forgives us He never brings it up again. The Bible says he throws it in the sea of forgetfulness. But it’s not like he’s an old man who has Alzheimer’s. Do you really think that God can’t remember? It’s not as if God looks at you and goes, “There’s something that ticks me off about this guy, but I just can’t remember what it is!” You think God literally can’t remember? Of course He can, He just chooses not to. He never brings it up again. He never, ever, ever, will speak of it or use it against you in any way, shape, or form. And that’s what you need to do as a Christian. You need to quite talking about it…and that includes the running conversations you have with yourself in your head!
When an offense is new and you are first dealing with all the emotion and hurt, you need to talk through it and all. I get that and I’m not condemning that. But at some point you have to stop, let it go and you have to let go of the anger and hate in your heart. People complain that it’s hard to do. Yeah, that’s why you need to pray and ask God to help you. I’ve struggled with this. There have been times in my life that I’ve been so angry and I didn’t want to forgive. But I knew better. I knew this was not okay and I took it so seriously because I know what the Bible says. So in tears and crying out to God, I dealt with it and broke through. So I’m not condemning people who struggle with this—we all struggle. If you are a Christian you have to let it go. If you say you have forgiven the person, but are constantly in a state of pain day after day, into week after month after year, you have only re-titled the unforgiveness as “pain”. Be aware of the struggle and realize that it’s not a good place for you to be. It might take some work, but you need to get out of it.
Refusing to forgive another doesn’t make right the wrong, nor does it even the score or supply vengeance. It only hurts the one who refuses to forgive. Unforgiveness is like taking poison in hopes that the other guy will die. And it is literally like a toxic poison in your body. It will make you sick and destroy you, your life and your relationships. Jesus taught that without forgiveness, your very relationship to God is doomed. And I can assure you that without forgiveness, your marriage is doomed.
*Also see the related post “I Said I Was Sorry”.
Thursday, 7 October 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 5/7
(2) Immaturity: Even if economic security is not a concern, immaturity and naïveté often characterize young marriages. While unlearning self-centeredness and acquiring a sacrificial side aren't easy at any age, naïveté may actually benefit youth, since preferences and habits ingrained over years of single life often are not set aside easily. Let's face it: Young adults are inexperienced, but they are not intrinsically incompetent at marriage. So they need, of course, the frank guidance of parents, mentors, and Christian couples.
Women, however, do tend to exhibit greater maturity earlier than men. As a result, it shouldn't surprise us when a young woman falls in love with someone three, five, even ten years her senior. Indeed, two of the finest marriages I've recently witnessed exhibit nearly a dozen years' difference between husband and wife. While there are unwise ages to marry, there is no right age for which we must make our children wait. Indeed, age integration is one of the unique hallmarks of the institutional church, tacitly contesting the strict age-separation patterns that have long characterized American schools and universities.
One common way that immaturity reveals itself is when parents or children make marriage into another form of social competition or sibling rivalry. Modern adolescence and young adulthood read like one contest after another: the race to win in sports, to get good grades, to attend a prestigious college, to attract the best-looking person, to secure that coveted job. Where does it end? Not with marriage. Even college students who wish to marry are painfully (or proudly) aware of the "ring by spring" competition. Marriage becomes equated with beautiful, successful people. Weddings become expensive displays of personal and family status. Clergy often get caught in the middle of this, and feel powerless to contest it. My father, a minister, told me that he'd rather "bury people than marry people."
Such is the pressure cooker of modern weddings. None of this is good. Marriage is too important and too serious to be treated as yet another game to play, with winners and losers. It's a covenant of mutual submission and sacrificial love, not a contest of prestige, social norms, and saving face. A trend toward more modest weddings would be a great start.
(3) A Poor Match: Marrying early can mean a short search process, which elevates the odds of a poorer match. In the age of online dating personality algorithms and matches (see "Restless, Reformed, and Single," page 28), Americans have become well acquainted with the cultural notion that getting the right fit in a marital partner is extremely important. Chemistry is the new watchword as we meld marriage with science. Should opposites attract? Or should we look for common interests?
There is no right answer to such questions, because successful marriages are less about the right personalities than about the right practices, like persistent communication and conflict resolution, along with the ability to handle the cyclical nature of so much about marriage, and a bedrock commitment to its sacred unity. Indeed, marriage research confirms that couples who view their marriages as sacred covenants are far better off than those who don't.
Women, however, do tend to exhibit greater maturity earlier than men. As a result, it shouldn't surprise us when a young woman falls in love with someone three, five, even ten years her senior. Indeed, two of the finest marriages I've recently witnessed exhibit nearly a dozen years' difference between husband and wife. While there are unwise ages to marry, there is no right age for which we must make our children wait. Indeed, age integration is one of the unique hallmarks of the institutional church, tacitly contesting the strict age-separation patterns that have long characterized American schools and universities.
One common way that immaturity reveals itself is when parents or children make marriage into another form of social competition or sibling rivalry. Modern adolescence and young adulthood read like one contest after another: the race to win in sports, to get good grades, to attend a prestigious college, to attract the best-looking person, to secure that coveted job. Where does it end? Not with marriage. Even college students who wish to marry are painfully (or proudly) aware of the "ring by spring" competition. Marriage becomes equated with beautiful, successful people. Weddings become expensive displays of personal and family status. Clergy often get caught in the middle of this, and feel powerless to contest it. My father, a minister, told me that he'd rather "bury people than marry people."
Such is the pressure cooker of modern weddings. None of this is good. Marriage is too important and too serious to be treated as yet another game to play, with winners and losers. It's a covenant of mutual submission and sacrificial love, not a contest of prestige, social norms, and saving face. A trend toward more modest weddings would be a great start.
(3) A Poor Match: Marrying early can mean a short search process, which elevates the odds of a poorer match. In the age of online dating personality algorithms and matches (see "Restless, Reformed, and Single," page 28), Americans have become well acquainted with the cultural notion that getting the right fit in a marital partner is extremely important. Chemistry is the new watchword as we meld marriage with science. Should opposites attract? Or should we look for common interests?
There is no right answer to such questions, because successful marriages are less about the right personalities than about the right practices, like persistent communication and conflict resolution, along with the ability to handle the cyclical nature of so much about marriage, and a bedrock commitment to its sacred unity. Indeed, marriage research confirms that couples who view their marriages as sacred covenants are far better off than those who don't.
Monday, 4 October 2010
10-Oct-10
Caleb R.
Terry C
Shankar R., Gigi Lim, Lareina
Meng Fhui, Lydia Sim
Ken Fhui, Terry C.
Darren
Moses Tan
Hiew, Tommy Q.
Terry C
Shankar R., Gigi Lim, Lareina
Meng Fhui, Lydia Sim
Ken Fhui, Terry C.
Darren
Moses Tan
Hiew, Tommy Q.
The Case for Early Marriage: 4/7
As a result, many young adults sense that putting oneself in the trust of another person so soon may be foolish and risky. Many choose to wait out the risk—sometimes for years—to see how a relationship will fare before committing. (We seem to have lost our ability to shame men for such incessant delays.) Consequently, the focus of 20-somethings has become less about building mature relationships and fulfilling responsibilities, and more about enjoying oneself, traveling, and trying on identities and relationships. After all the fun, it will be time to settle down and get serious.
Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed. Increasing numbers of young evangelicals think likewise, and, by integrating these ideas with the timeless imperative to abstain from sex before marriage, we've created a new optimal life formula for our children: Marriage is glorious, and a big deal. But it must wait. And with it, sex. Which is seldom as patient.
Objections to Young Marriage
Now let's have a dose of that pragmatic reasoning, because there are some good reasons to avoid marrying young. Indeed, studies continue to show that early marriage is the number one predictor of divorce. So why on earth would I want to consider such a disastrous idea that flies in the face of the evidence? Two reasons:
First, what is deemed "early marriage" by researchers is commonly misunderstood. The most competent evaluations of early marriage and divorce note that the association between early age-at-marriage and divorce occurs largely among those who marry as teenagers (before age 20). Although probably all of us know successful examples of such marriages, I still don't think teen marriage is wise. But the data suggest that marriages that commence in the early 20s are not as risky—especially for women—as conventional wisdom claims.
Second, the age at which a person marries never causes divorce. Rather, a young age-at-marriage is an indicator of an underlying proclivity for marital problems, the kind most Christian couples learn to avoid or solve without parting. Family scholars agree that there are several roots to the link between age-at-marriage and divorce. I consider five of them here, together with some practical ways that parents, friends, and the church can work to turn such weaknesses into strengths.
(1) Economic insecurity: Marrying young can spell poverty, at least temporarily. Yet the mentality that we need to shield young adults from the usual struggles of life by encouraging them to delay marriage until they are financially secure usually rests on an unrealistic standard of living. Good marriages grow through struggles, including economic ones. My wife and I are still fiscal conservatives because of our early days of austerity.
Nevertheless, the economic domain remains an area in which many parents are often able, but frequently unwilling, to assist their children. Many well-meaning parents use their resources as a threat, implying that if their children marry before the age at which their parents socially approve, they are on their own. No more car insurance. No help with tuition. No more rent.
This doesn't sound very compassionate toward marriage—or toward family members. This is, however, a two-way street: many young adults consider it immature or humiliating to rely on others for financial or even social support. They would rather deal with sexual guilt—if they sense any at all—than consider marrying before they think they are ready. This cultural predilection toward punishing rather than blessing marriage must go, and congregations and churchgoers can help by dropping their own punitive positions toward family members, as well as by identifying deserving young couples who could use a little extra help once in a while. Christians are great about supporting their missionaries, but in this matter, we can be missionaries to the marriages in our midst.
Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed. Increasing numbers of young evangelicals think likewise, and, by integrating these ideas with the timeless imperative to abstain from sex before marriage, we've created a new optimal life formula for our children: Marriage is glorious, and a big deal. But it must wait. And with it, sex. Which is seldom as patient.
Objections to Young Marriage
Now let's have a dose of that pragmatic reasoning, because there are some good reasons to avoid marrying young. Indeed, studies continue to show that early marriage is the number one predictor of divorce. So why on earth would I want to consider such a disastrous idea that flies in the face of the evidence? Two reasons:
First, what is deemed "early marriage" by researchers is commonly misunderstood. The most competent evaluations of early marriage and divorce note that the association between early age-at-marriage and divorce occurs largely among those who marry as teenagers (before age 20). Although probably all of us know successful examples of such marriages, I still don't think teen marriage is wise. But the data suggest that marriages that commence in the early 20s are not as risky—especially for women—as conventional wisdom claims.
Second, the age at which a person marries never causes divorce. Rather, a young age-at-marriage is an indicator of an underlying proclivity for marital problems, the kind most Christian couples learn to avoid or solve without parting. Family scholars agree that there are several roots to the link between age-at-marriage and divorce. I consider five of them here, together with some practical ways that parents, friends, and the church can work to turn such weaknesses into strengths.
(1) Economic insecurity: Marrying young can spell poverty, at least temporarily. Yet the mentality that we need to shield young adults from the usual struggles of life by encouraging them to delay marriage until they are financially secure usually rests on an unrealistic standard of living. Good marriages grow through struggles, including economic ones. My wife and I are still fiscal conservatives because of our early days of austerity.
Nevertheless, the economic domain remains an area in which many parents are often able, but frequently unwilling, to assist their children. Many well-meaning parents use their resources as a threat, implying that if their children marry before the age at which their parents socially approve, they are on their own. No more car insurance. No help with tuition. No more rent.
This doesn't sound very compassionate toward marriage—or toward family members. This is, however, a two-way street: many young adults consider it immature or humiliating to rely on others for financial or even social support. They would rather deal with sexual guilt—if they sense any at all—than consider marrying before they think they are ready. This cultural predilection toward punishing rather than blessing marriage must go, and congregations and churchgoers can help by dropping their own punitive positions toward family members, as well as by identifying deserving young couples who could use a little extra help once in a while. Christians are great about supporting their missionaries, but in this matter, we can be missionaries to the marriages in our midst.
Friday, 1 October 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 3/7
Men get the idea that they can indeed find the ideal woman if they are patient enough. Life expectancies nearing 80 years prompt many to dabble with relationships in their 20s rather than commit to a life of "the same thing" for such a long time. Men have few compelling reasons to mature quickly. Marriage seems an unnecessary risk to many of them, even Christians. Sex seldom requires such a steep commitment.
As a result, many men postpone growing up. Even their workplace performance is suffering: earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971, even after accounting for inflation. No wonder young women marry men who are on average at least two years older than they. Unfortunately, a key developmental institution for men—marriage—is the very thing being postponed, thus perpetuating their adolescence.
Changing Ideals
Still, the data from nearly every survey suggest that young Americans want to get married. Eventually. That makes sense. Our Creator clearly intended for male and female to be knit together in covenantal relationship. An increasing number of men and women, however, aren't marrying. They want to. But it's not happening. And yet in surveying this scene, many Christians continue to perceive a sexual crisis, not a marital one. We buy, read, and pass along books about battling our sexual urges, when in fact we are battling them far longer than we were meant to. How did we misdiagnose this?
The answer is pretty straightforward: While our sexual ideals have remained biblical and thus rooted in marriage, our ideas about marriage have changed significantly. For all the heated talk and contested referendums about defending marriage against attempts to legally redefine it, the church has already ceded plenty of intellectual ground in its marriage-mindedness. Christian practical ethics about marriage—not the ones expounded on in books, but the ones we actually exhibit—have become a nebulous hodgepodge of pragmatic norms and romantic imperatives, few of which resemble anything biblical.
Unfortunately, many Christians cannot tell the difference. Much about evangelical marital ethics is at bottom therapeutic: since we are pro-family, we are sure that a happy marriage is a central source of human contentment, and that romantic love is the key gauge of its health. While our marriage covenants are strengthened by romance, the latter has no particular loyalty to the former.
Our personal feelings may lead us out of a marriage as quickly as they lead us into one. As a result, many of us think about marriage much like those outside the church—as a capstone that completes the life of the autonomous self. We claim to be better promise keepers, but our vision of what marriage means is not all that unique. When did this all change?
The shift has gone largely unnoticed over the past half-century. As we finally climb toward multigenerational economic success, we advise our children to finish their education, to launch their careers, and to become financially independent, since dependence is weakness. "Don't rush into a relationship," we caution them. "Hold out for a spouse who displays real godliness." "First loves aren't likely the best fit." "You have plenty of time!" we now remind them. "Don't bank on a mate." Even those who successfully married young now find themselves dispensing such parental wisdom with little forethought.
As a result, many men postpone growing up. Even their workplace performance is suffering: earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971, even after accounting for inflation. No wonder young women marry men who are on average at least two years older than they. Unfortunately, a key developmental institution for men—marriage—is the very thing being postponed, thus perpetuating their adolescence.
Changing Ideals
Still, the data from nearly every survey suggest that young Americans want to get married. Eventually. That makes sense. Our Creator clearly intended for male and female to be knit together in covenantal relationship. An increasing number of men and women, however, aren't marrying. They want to. But it's not happening. And yet in surveying this scene, many Christians continue to perceive a sexual crisis, not a marital one. We buy, read, and pass along books about battling our sexual urges, when in fact we are battling them far longer than we were meant to. How did we misdiagnose this?
The answer is pretty straightforward: While our sexual ideals have remained biblical and thus rooted in marriage, our ideas about marriage have changed significantly. For all the heated talk and contested referendums about defending marriage against attempts to legally redefine it, the church has already ceded plenty of intellectual ground in its marriage-mindedness. Christian practical ethics about marriage—not the ones expounded on in books, but the ones we actually exhibit—have become a nebulous hodgepodge of pragmatic norms and romantic imperatives, few of which resemble anything biblical.
Unfortunately, many Christians cannot tell the difference. Much about evangelical marital ethics is at bottom therapeutic: since we are pro-family, we are sure that a happy marriage is a central source of human contentment, and that romantic love is the key gauge of its health. While our marriage covenants are strengthened by romance, the latter has no particular loyalty to the former.
Our personal feelings may lead us out of a marriage as quickly as they lead us into one. As a result, many of us think about marriage much like those outside the church—as a capstone that completes the life of the autonomous self. We claim to be better promise keepers, but our vision of what marriage means is not all that unique. When did this all change?
The shift has gone largely unnoticed over the past half-century. As we finally climb toward multigenerational economic success, we advise our children to finish their education, to launch their careers, and to become financially independent, since dependence is weakness. "Don't rush into a relationship," we caution them. "Hold out for a spouse who displays real godliness." "First loves aren't likely the best fit." "You have plenty of time!" we now remind them. "Don't bank on a mate." Even those who successfully married young now find themselves dispensing such parental wisdom with little forethought.
Forgiveness Part 1: Do I Have to Forgive?
by Mark Gungor on September 28th, 2010
Share
If you do a search for “forgiveness” on Amazon, you’ll get a list of over 4700 books, so apparently it’s a hot topic. Everyone gets hurt, offended or betrayed in life, and we all have to deal with forgiving others. Often the lack of forgiveness is like a big, black cloud that hangs over the heads of people, keeping them tied up and held in a prison of anger and bitterness. Countless people ask me how they can forgive someone—usually their spouse—for some transgression that has been committed against them. It is not at all unusual to hear people say that the specific thing they are struggling to forgive happened 5, 10, 20, 30 years ago, yet they are still dealing with the memory, the pain and the inability to work through it. Many relive the event in excruciating detail as if it just happened yesterday, saying they can’t, won’t, or don’t know how to forgive the person.
While non-Christians may have their own steps and formulas on how to forgive, from a Christian world-view I can explain it very quickly and to the point. Quite simply, the Bible teaches that if we won’t forgive other people, then God will not forgive us. In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches His disciples “The Lord’s Prayer” that says, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Debt means sin or offense.) Then in verses 14-15 Jesus continues and says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”(NIV) Seems like a very straight-forward concept, yet many Christians don’t get this and even when they hear it, they don’t believe it. There may be things in Christianity that are debatable—such as finer points of theology, speaking in tongues, what is the proper form of baptism, how to interpret the end-times scriptures—but not this. Forgiveness is pretty black and white, fundamental Christianity 101; if you don’t understand forgiveness you don’t understand Christianity.
You would think that once you put into people’s minds they are running the risk of eternal damnation for their souls, they would start to wake up and get a clue. (Which is exactly the case if your sins are not forgiven by God, by the way.) Sadly, many Christians believe that as long as they have “said the prayer”, they can live anyway they want, do anything they want and it doesn’t matter. It does matter. Further on in Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus talks about forgiveness by relating a parable about a servant who owed his master a lot of money—let’s say the equivalent of a million dollars. The master comes to collect and the servant begs to be let off the hook because he can’t repay it. So the master reconsiders, shows mercy and lets him off; erasing the considerable debt that the man owed. But then that very same servant turns around and finds another guy who owes him some small amount— let’s say $100. He starts choking the guy, demanding his money, then throws the guy in jail till he pays him what he owes. When the master hears what the servant did, he calls him back in and says, “You wicked servant. I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” After that the master turned the guy over to the jailers to be tortured, until he could pay back what he owed. Then check out what Jesus says, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
You are fooling yourself if you think you can remain bitter and unforgiving toward someone else and have that be okay with God. The Bible warns not to “deceive yourself” and I truly think this is one of the areas that people are full of self-deception. As Christians one thing that is totally non-negotiable for us is forgiveness. There are lots of things that are for us to decide that won’t affect whether God forgives us or not. How much you pray and how much money you give is up to you—the standard is 10%, but it’s still your call. Whether or not you go to church—God’s not going to send you to hell if you don’t go every Sunday, even though you know you should go. How much you read the bible—once a month, 8 chapters a day—is up to you. There are all kinds of things we get to play with and have wiggle room on. But the one thing that is absolutely not up to you, not negotiable in any way shape or form, is forgiveness. You cannot live in unforgiveness and think you are okay.
I was talking to this one woman who was attending our church and she was there every Sunday on the front row loving and worshipping Jesus—but she had just divorced her husband. I asked why, and she said, “Because he called me fat! I hate him! I want him to die and go to hell!” Seriously!? I think people are delusional. You can clap, sing, praise God and think you are a Christian all you want, but the truth is you will have to answer to God for your lack of forgiveness. Sadly, you don’t hear this taught by pastors. I know because when I say these things, people look at me like I just dropped in from Mars! They become indignant and can’t believe that I’m saying such a thing. One lady was talking to me in my office and she got so mad that she slammed out the door yelling at me, “How dare you imply I’m in trouble with God because of what my husband did!” She wanted no part of dealing with her own sin of unforgiveness. Many people have a problem with this teaching and I understand that it is extremely strong, but I don’t see how they get around these scriptures.
People often say “I am growing in forgiveness”, or “I’m learning to forgive”—I don’t buy it. Either you have forgiven or you haven’t, there’s no growing! Hear me on this…and if this freaks you out and scares you, it should! Jesus said, “Many will say to me on judgment day ‘Lord, Lord’”. Then He’s going to say “I never knew you” and you’re not getting in. (Matthew 7:21-23) Make no mistake, one of the fundamental reasons is because people absolutely refuse to forgive those who have hurt them. You may know people who say they have been a Christian for 20 years or more but can’t or won’t forgive someone. I say those people need to really reconsider whether or not they are Christians. I think there will be surprises on judgment day as to who is and who isn’t a real Christian.
I am not being condemning here, only showing the gravity of this situation. The Church has suffered, because pastors have not taught the great importance of forgiving and the dire consequences if we don’t. Christians tend to be very compassionate in trying to help people forgive, but the thing that should really motivate us is when we truly understand the seriousness of choosing not to forgive another person. Honestly, that teaching has been withheld in Christian circles and I am certain that if we really understood it, we would be less inclined to walk in unforgiveness.
Here is an analogy to help clarify this. Let’s say you have a problem with eating chocolate cake. You are really tempted to eat it any time you see a delicious slice. Now, it’s a pretty easy temptation to work around and deal with because most of the time it’s not going to kill you if you slip up. After all, you have been doing so well avoiding the cake and sticking to your diet. You rationalize that you can work it off later, walk farther to burn the calories, or reason that you will only indulge a little by having one small piece. Now, if you knew that the cake was laced with cyanide, would it still be a temptation? No, not at all! It breaks the temptation entirely and no way would you yield to that because you totally get it— you understand the gravity of the situation and the consequences.
That’s what pastors teach about forgiveness: We know it’s difficult, just do your best, try harder to avoid it, but if you can’t, it’s really not that bad, you’re still ok. I believe that people struggle with not forgiving others because pastors have failed to teach the perilousness of it. They aren’t telling believers that the cake is saturated with cyanide. If we fully comprehended what the Bible says about the sin of unforgiveness, if we really understood the huge price we will pay on Judgment Day, I think we would be much quicker to let others off the hook, release our grudges, and forgive. Jesus was not ambiguous in any way—if you refuse to forgive people, God will not forgive you. My question to you is: Can you afford that?
**Check back next week for Part 2 “What is Forgiveness?”
Share
If you do a search for “forgiveness” on Amazon, you’ll get a list of over 4700 books, so apparently it’s a hot topic. Everyone gets hurt, offended or betrayed in life, and we all have to deal with forgiving others. Often the lack of forgiveness is like a big, black cloud that hangs over the heads of people, keeping them tied up and held in a prison of anger and bitterness. Countless people ask me how they can forgive someone—usually their spouse—for some transgression that has been committed against them. It is not at all unusual to hear people say that the specific thing they are struggling to forgive happened 5, 10, 20, 30 years ago, yet they are still dealing with the memory, the pain and the inability to work through it. Many relive the event in excruciating detail as if it just happened yesterday, saying they can’t, won’t, or don’t know how to forgive the person.
While non-Christians may have their own steps and formulas on how to forgive, from a Christian world-view I can explain it very quickly and to the point. Quite simply, the Bible teaches that if we won’t forgive other people, then God will not forgive us. In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches His disciples “The Lord’s Prayer” that says, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Debt means sin or offense.) Then in verses 14-15 Jesus continues and says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”(NIV) Seems like a very straight-forward concept, yet many Christians don’t get this and even when they hear it, they don’t believe it. There may be things in Christianity that are debatable—such as finer points of theology, speaking in tongues, what is the proper form of baptism, how to interpret the end-times scriptures—but not this. Forgiveness is pretty black and white, fundamental Christianity 101; if you don’t understand forgiveness you don’t understand Christianity.
You would think that once you put into people’s minds they are running the risk of eternal damnation for their souls, they would start to wake up and get a clue. (Which is exactly the case if your sins are not forgiven by God, by the way.) Sadly, many Christians believe that as long as they have “said the prayer”, they can live anyway they want, do anything they want and it doesn’t matter. It does matter. Further on in Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus talks about forgiveness by relating a parable about a servant who owed his master a lot of money—let’s say the equivalent of a million dollars. The master comes to collect and the servant begs to be let off the hook because he can’t repay it. So the master reconsiders, shows mercy and lets him off; erasing the considerable debt that the man owed. But then that very same servant turns around and finds another guy who owes him some small amount— let’s say $100. He starts choking the guy, demanding his money, then throws the guy in jail till he pays him what he owes. When the master hears what the servant did, he calls him back in and says, “You wicked servant. I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” After that the master turned the guy over to the jailers to be tortured, until he could pay back what he owed. Then check out what Jesus says, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
You are fooling yourself if you think you can remain bitter and unforgiving toward someone else and have that be okay with God. The Bible warns not to “deceive yourself” and I truly think this is one of the areas that people are full of self-deception. As Christians one thing that is totally non-negotiable for us is forgiveness. There are lots of things that are for us to decide that won’t affect whether God forgives us or not. How much you pray and how much money you give is up to you—the standard is 10%, but it’s still your call. Whether or not you go to church—God’s not going to send you to hell if you don’t go every Sunday, even though you know you should go. How much you read the bible—once a month, 8 chapters a day—is up to you. There are all kinds of things we get to play with and have wiggle room on. But the one thing that is absolutely not up to you, not negotiable in any way shape or form, is forgiveness. You cannot live in unforgiveness and think you are okay.
I was talking to this one woman who was attending our church and she was there every Sunday on the front row loving and worshipping Jesus—but she had just divorced her husband. I asked why, and she said, “Because he called me fat! I hate him! I want him to die and go to hell!” Seriously!? I think people are delusional. You can clap, sing, praise God and think you are a Christian all you want, but the truth is you will have to answer to God for your lack of forgiveness. Sadly, you don’t hear this taught by pastors. I know because when I say these things, people look at me like I just dropped in from Mars! They become indignant and can’t believe that I’m saying such a thing. One lady was talking to me in my office and she got so mad that she slammed out the door yelling at me, “How dare you imply I’m in trouble with God because of what my husband did!” She wanted no part of dealing with her own sin of unforgiveness. Many people have a problem with this teaching and I understand that it is extremely strong, but I don’t see how they get around these scriptures.
People often say “I am growing in forgiveness”, or “I’m learning to forgive”—I don’t buy it. Either you have forgiven or you haven’t, there’s no growing! Hear me on this…and if this freaks you out and scares you, it should! Jesus said, “Many will say to me on judgment day ‘Lord, Lord’”. Then He’s going to say “I never knew you” and you’re not getting in. (Matthew 7:21-23) Make no mistake, one of the fundamental reasons is because people absolutely refuse to forgive those who have hurt them. You may know people who say they have been a Christian for 20 years or more but can’t or won’t forgive someone. I say those people need to really reconsider whether or not they are Christians. I think there will be surprises on judgment day as to who is and who isn’t a real Christian.
I am not being condemning here, only showing the gravity of this situation. The Church has suffered, because pastors have not taught the great importance of forgiving and the dire consequences if we don’t. Christians tend to be very compassionate in trying to help people forgive, but the thing that should really motivate us is when we truly understand the seriousness of choosing not to forgive another person. Honestly, that teaching has been withheld in Christian circles and I am certain that if we really understood it, we would be less inclined to walk in unforgiveness.
Here is an analogy to help clarify this. Let’s say you have a problem with eating chocolate cake. You are really tempted to eat it any time you see a delicious slice. Now, it’s a pretty easy temptation to work around and deal with because most of the time it’s not going to kill you if you slip up. After all, you have been doing so well avoiding the cake and sticking to your diet. You rationalize that you can work it off later, walk farther to burn the calories, or reason that you will only indulge a little by having one small piece. Now, if you knew that the cake was laced with cyanide, would it still be a temptation? No, not at all! It breaks the temptation entirely and no way would you yield to that because you totally get it— you understand the gravity of the situation and the consequences.
That’s what pastors teach about forgiveness: We know it’s difficult, just do your best, try harder to avoid it, but if you can’t, it’s really not that bad, you’re still ok. I believe that people struggle with not forgiving others because pastors have failed to teach the perilousness of it. They aren’t telling believers that the cake is saturated with cyanide. If we fully comprehended what the Bible says about the sin of unforgiveness, if we really understood the huge price we will pay on Judgment Day, I think we would be much quicker to let others off the hook, release our grudges, and forgive. Jesus was not ambiguous in any way—if you refuse to forgive people, God will not forgive you. My question to you is: Can you afford that?
**Check back next week for Part 2 “What is Forgiveness?”
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 2/7
It is, however, an institution under extreme duress in America. In the past 35 years, the number of independent female households in the U.S. has grown by 65 percent, while the share of independent male households has skyrocketed, leaping 120 percent. As a result, fewer than half of all American households today are made up of married couples.
Another indicator of our shifting sentiment about the institution is the median age at first marriage, which has risen from 21 for women and 23 for men in 1970 to where it stands today: 26 for women and 28 for men, the highest figures since the Census Bureau started collecting data about it. That's five additional, long years of peak sexual interest and fertility. (And remember, those numbers are medians: for every man marrying at 22, there's one marrying for the first time at 34.)
Evangelicals tend to marry slightly earlier than other Americans, but not by much. Many of them plan to marry in their mid-20s.Yet waiting for sex until then feels far too long to most of them. And I am suggesting that when people wait until their mid-to-late 20s to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex. It's battling our Creator's reproductive designs. The data don't lie. Our sexual behavior patterns—the kind I documented in 2007 in Forbidden Fruit—give us away. Very few wait long for sex. Meanwhile, women's fertility is more or less fixed, yet Americans are increasingly ignoring it during their 20s, only to beg and pray to reclaim it in their 30s and 40s.
Where Are All the Christian Men?
Unfortunately, American evangelicals have another demographic concern: The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation—a shortage of young Christian men.
Try counting singles in your congregation next Sunday. Evangelicals make much of avoiding being unequally yoked, but the fact that there are far more spiritually mature young women out there than men makes this bit of advice difficult to follow. No congregational program or men's retreat in the Rocky Mountains will solve this. If she decides to marry, one in three women has no choice but to marry down in terms of Christian maturity. Many of the hopeful ones wait, watching their late 20s and early 30s arrive with no husband. When the persistent longing turns to deep disappointment, some decide that they didn't really want to marry after all.
Given this unfavorable ratio, and the plain fact that men are, on average, ready for sex earlier in relationships than women are, many young Christian women are being left with a dilemma: either commence a sexual relationship with a decent, marriage-minded man before she would prefer to—almost certainly before marriage—or risk the real possibility that, in holding out for a godly, chaste, uncommon man, she will wait a lot longer than she would like. Plenty will wait so long as to put their fertility in jeopardy. By that time, the pool of available men is hardly the cream of the crop—and rarely chaste. I know, I know: God has someone in mind for them, and it's just a matter of time before they meet. God does work miracles. But the fact remains that there just aren't as many serious Christian young men as there are women, and the men know it.
Another indicator of our shifting sentiment about the institution is the median age at first marriage, which has risen from 21 for women and 23 for men in 1970 to where it stands today: 26 for women and 28 for men, the highest figures since the Census Bureau started collecting data about it. That's five additional, long years of peak sexual interest and fertility. (And remember, those numbers are medians: for every man marrying at 22, there's one marrying for the first time at 34.)
Evangelicals tend to marry slightly earlier than other Americans, but not by much. Many of them plan to marry in their mid-20s.Yet waiting for sex until then feels far too long to most of them. And I am suggesting that when people wait until their mid-to-late 20s to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex. It's battling our Creator's reproductive designs. The data don't lie. Our sexual behavior patterns—the kind I documented in 2007 in Forbidden Fruit—give us away. Very few wait long for sex. Meanwhile, women's fertility is more or less fixed, yet Americans are increasingly ignoring it during their 20s, only to beg and pray to reclaim it in their 30s and 40s.
Where Are All the Christian Men?
Unfortunately, American evangelicals have another demographic concern: The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation—a shortage of young Christian men.
Try counting singles in your congregation next Sunday. Evangelicals make much of avoiding being unequally yoked, but the fact that there are far more spiritually mature young women out there than men makes this bit of advice difficult to follow. No congregational program or men's retreat in the Rocky Mountains will solve this. If she decides to marry, one in three women has no choice but to marry down in terms of Christian maturity. Many of the hopeful ones wait, watching their late 20s and early 30s arrive with no husband. When the persistent longing turns to deep disappointment, some decide that they didn't really want to marry after all.
Given this unfavorable ratio, and the plain fact that men are, on average, ready for sex earlier in relationships than women are, many young Christian women are being left with a dilemma: either commence a sexual relationship with a decent, marriage-minded man before she would prefer to—almost certainly before marriage—or risk the real possibility that, in holding out for a godly, chaste, uncommon man, she will wait a lot longer than she would like. Plenty will wait so long as to put their fertility in jeopardy. By that time, the pool of available men is hardly the cream of the crop—and rarely chaste. I know, I know: God has someone in mind for them, and it's just a matter of time before they meet. God does work miracles. But the fact remains that there just aren't as many serious Christian young men as there are women, and the men know it.
Monday, 27 September 2010
3-Oct-10
Barnabas P.
Peter Long
Lydia Sim, Peggy Tan, Colleen
Jonathan L, Meng Fhui
Darren, Weng Ern
Anna Sim
Terry Chong
Hiew FF, Manjit Singh
Peter Long
Lydia Sim, Peggy Tan, Colleen
Jonathan L, Meng Fhui
Darren, Weng Ern
Anna Sim
Terry Chong
Hiew FF, Manjit Singh
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Friday, 24 September 2010
The Case for Early Marriage: 1/7
Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot.
Mark Regnerus | posted 7/31/2009 09:43AM
Virginity pledges. Chastity balls. Courtship. Side hugs. Guarding your heart. Evangelical discourse on sex is more conservative than I've ever seen it. Parents and pastors and youth group leaders told us not to do it before we got married. Why? Because the Bible says so. Yet that simple message didn't go very far in shaping our sexual decision-making.
So they kicked it up a notch and staked a battle over virginity, with pledges of abstinence and accountability structures to maintain the power of the imperative to not do what many of us felt like doing. Some of us failed, but we could become "born again virgins." Virginity mattered. But sex can be had in other ways, and many of us got creative.
Then they told us that oral sex was still sex. It could spread disease, and it would make you feel bad. "Sex will be so much better if you wait until your wedding night," they urged. If we could hold out, they said, it would be worth it. The sheer glory of consummation would knock our socks off.
Such is the prevailing discourse of abstinence culture in contemporary American evangelicalism. It might sound like I devalue abstinence. I don't. The problem is that not all abstainers end up happy or go on to the great sex lives they were promised. Nor do all indulgers become miserable or marital train wrecks. More simply, however, I have found that few evangelicals accomplish what their pastors and parents wanted them to.
Indeed, over 90 percent of American adults experience sexual intercourse before marrying. The percentage of evangelicals who do so is not much lower. In a nationally representative study of young adults, just under 80 percent of unmarried, church- going, conservative Protestants who are currently dating someone are having sex of some sort. I'm certainly not suggesting that they cannot abstain. I'm suggesting that in the domain of sex, most of them don't and won't.
What to do? Intensify the abstinence message even more? No. It won't work. The message must change, because our preoccupation with sex has unwittingly turned our attention away from the damage that Americans—including evangelicals—are doing to the institution of marriage by discouraging it and delaying it.
Late Have I Loved You
If you think it's difficult to be pro-life in a pro-choice world, or to be a disciple of Jesus in a sea of skeptics, try advocating for young marriage. Almost no one empathizes, even among the faithful. The nearly universal hostile reaction to my April 23, 2009, op-ed on early marriage in The Washington Post suggests that to esteem marriage in the public sphere today is to speak a foreign language: you invoke annoyance, confusion, or both.
But after years of studying the sexual behavior and family decision-making of young Americans, I've come to the conclusion that Christians have made much ado about sex but are becoming slow and lax about marriage—that more significant, enduring witness to Christ's sacrificial love for his bride. Americans are taking flight from marriage. We are marrying later, if at all, and having fewer children.
Demographers call it the second demographic transition. In societies like ours that exhibit lengthy economic prosperity, men and women alike begin to lose motivation to marry and have children, and thus avoid one or both. Pragmatically, however, the institution of marriage remains a foundational good for individuals and communities. It is by far the optimal context for child-rearing. Married people accumulate more wealth than people who are single or cohabiting. Marriage consolidates expenses—like food, child care, electricity, and gas—and over the life course drastically reduces the odds of becoming indigent or dependent on the state.
Mark Regnerus | posted 7/31/2009 09:43AM
Virginity pledges. Chastity balls. Courtship. Side hugs. Guarding your heart. Evangelical discourse on sex is more conservative than I've ever seen it. Parents and pastors and youth group leaders told us not to do it before we got married. Why? Because the Bible says so. Yet that simple message didn't go very far in shaping our sexual decision-making.
So they kicked it up a notch and staked a battle over virginity, with pledges of abstinence and accountability structures to maintain the power of the imperative to not do what many of us felt like doing. Some of us failed, but we could become "born again virgins." Virginity mattered. But sex can be had in other ways, and many of us got creative.
Then they told us that oral sex was still sex. It could spread disease, and it would make you feel bad. "Sex will be so much better if you wait until your wedding night," they urged. If we could hold out, they said, it would be worth it. The sheer glory of consummation would knock our socks off.
Such is the prevailing discourse of abstinence culture in contemporary American evangelicalism. It might sound like I devalue abstinence. I don't. The problem is that not all abstainers end up happy or go on to the great sex lives they were promised. Nor do all indulgers become miserable or marital train wrecks. More simply, however, I have found that few evangelicals accomplish what their pastors and parents wanted them to.
Indeed, over 90 percent of American adults experience sexual intercourse before marrying. The percentage of evangelicals who do so is not much lower. In a nationally representative study of young adults, just under 80 percent of unmarried, church- going, conservative Protestants who are currently dating someone are having sex of some sort. I'm certainly not suggesting that they cannot abstain. I'm suggesting that in the domain of sex, most of them don't and won't.
What to do? Intensify the abstinence message even more? No. It won't work. The message must change, because our preoccupation with sex has unwittingly turned our attention away from the damage that Americans—including evangelicals—are doing to the institution of marriage by discouraging it and delaying it.
Late Have I Loved You
If you think it's difficult to be pro-life in a pro-choice world, or to be a disciple of Jesus in a sea of skeptics, try advocating for young marriage. Almost no one empathizes, even among the faithful. The nearly universal hostile reaction to my April 23, 2009, op-ed on early marriage in The Washington Post suggests that to esteem marriage in the public sphere today is to speak a foreign language: you invoke annoyance, confusion, or both.
But after years of studying the sexual behavior and family decision-making of young Americans, I've come to the conclusion that Christians have made much ado about sex but are becoming slow and lax about marriage—that more significant, enduring witness to Christ's sacrificial love for his bride. Americans are taking flight from marriage. We are marrying later, if at all, and having fewer children.
Demographers call it the second demographic transition. In societies like ours that exhibit lengthy economic prosperity, men and women alike begin to lose motivation to marry and have children, and thus avoid one or both. Pragmatically, however, the institution of marriage remains a foundational good for individuals and communities. It is by far the optimal context for child-rearing. Married people accumulate more wealth than people who are single or cohabiting. Marriage consolidates expenses—like food, child care, electricity, and gas—and over the life course drastically reduces the odds of becoming indigent or dependent on the state.
Talk It Out Before You Say, "I Do"
By Julie Ferwerda
CBN.com – You’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with that special person. But do you really know them as well as you think? Are there areas you need to know about (or they need to know about you) that you haven’t discussed? The best time to get down to the nitty-gritty with each other is before you say, “I do.”
You need to know what to expect after the wedding day, and to decide if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person the way they are now. Chances are they (and you) won’t change that much, so if you really want to know who you are agreeing to love, work through these questions together. There’s no hurry—take all the time you need. But there’s one rule. You must be completely, gut-wrenchingly honest! If you misrepresent yourself…they will remember.
PURPOSE
My biggest goal in life is to…
I find satisfaction in…
Before I die I want to…
I am here because…
My dream is to someday…
I will be ready to die when I’ve…
PAST
The best part about my childhood was…
The worst part about my childhood was…
The scariest thing that ever happened to me was…
Something I’m afraid to tell anyone about my past is…
A past situation that could affect my future is…
I’ve had [ ] sexual partners before this relationship.
The way I feel about my past relationship history is…
WHO I AM
My biggest fears in life are…
My biggest needs in life are…
My most frequent mood is…
The thing I hate most is…
The thing I worry about most is…
Three things I want to change about myself are…
Three things I really like about myself are…
My most common daydream is…
I get angry when…
My favorite kind of house pet is…
My overall opinion about myself is…
I think my greatest personality asset is…
My greatest personality weakness is…
I find the greatest enjoyment in…
The sin I struggle most with is…
I’m most ashamed about…
Someone I greatly admire is…
The way I feel about death is…
I think war is…
I feel happy when…
I have no use for people who…
When someone acts rude to me, I…
When someone is unfair, I…
I feel jealous of…
My dream vacation would include…
The things I find the most fun are…
My favorite sport(s) is…
Playing sports in my future is a [ ] on a scale from one to ten.
Watching sports on T.V. is a [ ] for me on a scale from one to ten.
I am disgusted by…
When I am afraid (substitute sad, angry, happy, lonely, tired), I…
My hobbies include…
I spend [ ] hours a week at my hobbies.
What I really want when I am sick is…
The part of my body I am most bothered by is…
The part of my body I am most happy with is…
What hurts me most is…
The best (and worst) thing about life is…
The first thing I notice about someone is…
When someone is angry with me, I…
When someone is disappointed in me, I…
The worst (and best) thing about the opposite sex is…
Being teachable means…
People (including me) should say they’re sorry when…
MARRIAGE
My reasons for wanting to get married are…
I think the keys to a good marriage are…
The biggest mistakes I made in past relationships are…
The area I’ve grown the most in relationships is…
Relationships in the past have taught me…
I’ve always viewed marriage as…
My parents had a [ ] marriage.
I learned [ ] about marriage from my parents.
I think the things in marriage you should be honest about are…
The areas I’m concerned about being married are…
The areas I’m excited about being married are…
Marriage for me will be giving up…
Marriage for me will be gaining…
I think separate vacations are…
Traveling together is…
When having conflict, I like to: cool off by myself before discussing the problem; discuss and work the problem out right away; pretend there is no problem and just move on; analyze the problem as to what it is, why it happened, how to avoid it in the future, etc…
Arguing and or fighting is…
The best way to handle disagreements is to…
What I fear most about marriage is…
What I anticipate most about marriage is…
The role of in-laws in marriage is…
The thing that will make me most secure (and insecure) in marriage is…
Dating (each other) after you are married is…
Love is…
“Till death do us part” means…
I think people should be allowed to divorce when…
For me, divorce is…
SEX
I think sex is/will be…
I think a healthy marriage involves sex [ ] per week or [ ] per month.
I’m aware that real sex in marriage differs from Hollywood in the following ways…
I think being naked in front of someone is…
On a scale from one to ten, sex is a [ ] in importance in a good marriage for me.
What sex means to me is…
Talking about sex feels…
Being spontaneous or creative in marriage sex sounds…
MONEY/FINANCES
I think money is…
Spending money is hard/easy for me because…
The biggest waste of money is…
The best investment of money is…
I have [ ] in personal debt.
I use credit cards for…
I think car loans are…
Saving up to buy big ticket items is…
My savings plan is…
My retirement plan is…
The way I feel about tithing is…
I hope my spouse is a: saver, spender, somewhere in between.
On a scale from one to ten, financial security is [ ] in importance to me.
I want to save up to buy a…
The kind of house I want to own someday is…
Other items I hope to own are…
Charities I want to contribute to are…
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Is my own appearance important to me?
Is it important that my spouse maintains his/her current physical appearance/weight throughout our marriage?
How important is hygiene to me, i.e. brushing teeth, taking showers, deodorant, etc.?
How do I like to dress for special occasions? For church? For dates? For work?
Do I want to be able to have a say in my spouse’s choice of clothing, hairstyle, or general appearance?
Do I care if they have a say in mine?
Is cologne/perfume important to me?
What physical features are attractive to me?
HOUSEHOLD
How clean is a home that is comfortable for me?
What is my favorite thing about home?
What can I not tolerate in my home (noise, clutter, dirt, pets, unmade beds, etc.)?
How many/which jobs do I think I should do to keep my house maintained?
How many/which jobs do I think my spouse should do around the house?
Who should keep the yard maintained (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will maintain the cars (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will make decisions for and carry out decorating the home (spouse, both, hired out)?
Who will cook family meals?
How many meals do I expect to cook or for my spouse to cook daily?
Who will do the shopping?
Who will do laundry?
Who will do the dishes?
Who will pay bills?
RECREATION
My idea of recreation is…
To me, camping means…
My favorite sports are…
The way I relax on the weekends is by…
What areas of recreation do I want my spouse to accompany me on?
What areas of recreation do I want to do with my friends or alone?
How often will I want to spend time away from the family in my own recreation?
KIDS
I think kids are…
Kids get on my nerves when they…
I love it when kids…
The way I feel about other people’s kids is…
The way kids usually feel about me is…
Kids should be disciplined when…
The way I want to discipline my kids is…
The role of a parent is…
I want [ ] kids someday.
How important is showing physical affection to my kids?
Is telling my kids I love them important?
How much time do I think I should spend with my kids daily?
How important is two-parent interaction and discipline?
I think the bottom line for discipline should be with the (mom or dad)?
How important is it for kids to respect their parents in my home?
When it comes to discipline, I think I will be: lenient, strict, or somewhere in-between?
Where do I want my kids educated (private school, Christian school, home school, etc.)?
HEALTH/HISTORY
Taking care of myself and my health is [ ] important to me.
I think a healthy lifestyle includes…
Physical exercise is…
To me, eating right means…
My idea of a good work out is…
My life fitness plan is to…
My health problems (present or past) are…
I take medication for…
I think life long-term supports are…
People in my family have a history of the following health problems…
People in my family have died at the ages of…
INTIMACY
I feel loved when…
The way I show love to people is…
Which of the following are ways I feel most loved? Time spent with, words of encouragement/praise, gifts, being touched and hugged in a non-sexual manner, when people do things for (serve) me.
Showing affection in front of kids or friends is…
Intimacy is developed through…
I think a good marriage needs at least [ ] hours a day (or week) of focused communication to stay connected.
WORK
My idea of a dream job is…
I think the average number of hours a person can regularly work a week and maintain family commitment is…
Providing for the family is whose responsibility?
My career plans are…
How important is a steady job to me?
What kind of work ethic do I want in my mate?
Where do I draw the line with a job that demands too much time?
My plans for retirement are…
SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION
The way I feel about God is…
I think the way God feels about me is…
On a scale of one to ten, going to church is [ ] in importance for my life and future.
I want to raise my kids in the [ ] faith.
Will God be the center of my home? Why or why not?
If yes, how will I make Him the center?
Prayer is something I do when…
To me, the Bible is…
Other religions besides Christianity are…
Eternal life is accomplished by…
Select and discuss the following. To me, God is: personal, real, distant, vague, angry, happy, loving, harsh, demanding, gentle, kind, good, make-believe, living, powerful, weak, or other.
The way to have a relationship with God is…
For me, including God in my daily life is…
On a scale from one to ten, obeying God and His word is a [ ] to me.
When I die, I…
CBN.com – You’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with that special person. But do you really know them as well as you think? Are there areas you need to know about (or they need to know about you) that you haven’t discussed? The best time to get down to the nitty-gritty with each other is before you say, “I do.”
You need to know what to expect after the wedding day, and to decide if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person the way they are now. Chances are they (and you) won’t change that much, so if you really want to know who you are agreeing to love, work through these questions together. There’s no hurry—take all the time you need. But there’s one rule. You must be completely, gut-wrenchingly honest! If you misrepresent yourself…they will remember.
PURPOSE
My biggest goal in life is to…
I find satisfaction in…
Before I die I want to…
I am here because…
My dream is to someday…
I will be ready to die when I’ve…
PAST
The best part about my childhood was…
The worst part about my childhood was…
The scariest thing that ever happened to me was…
Something I’m afraid to tell anyone about my past is…
A past situation that could affect my future is…
I’ve had [ ] sexual partners before this relationship.
The way I feel about my past relationship history is…
WHO I AM
My biggest fears in life are…
My biggest needs in life are…
My most frequent mood is…
The thing I hate most is…
The thing I worry about most is…
Three things I want to change about myself are…
Three things I really like about myself are…
My most common daydream is…
I get angry when…
My favorite kind of house pet is…
My overall opinion about myself is…
I think my greatest personality asset is…
My greatest personality weakness is…
I find the greatest enjoyment in…
The sin I struggle most with is…
I’m most ashamed about…
Someone I greatly admire is…
The way I feel about death is…
I think war is…
I feel happy when…
I have no use for people who…
When someone acts rude to me, I…
When someone is unfair, I…
I feel jealous of…
My dream vacation would include…
The things I find the most fun are…
My favorite sport(s) is…
Playing sports in my future is a [ ] on a scale from one to ten.
Watching sports on T.V. is a [ ] for me on a scale from one to ten.
I am disgusted by…
When I am afraid (substitute sad, angry, happy, lonely, tired), I…
My hobbies include…
I spend [ ] hours a week at my hobbies.
What I really want when I am sick is…
The part of my body I am most bothered by is…
The part of my body I am most happy with is…
What hurts me most is…
The best (and worst) thing about life is…
The first thing I notice about someone is…
When someone is angry with me, I…
When someone is disappointed in me, I…
The worst (and best) thing about the opposite sex is…
Being teachable means…
People (including me) should say they’re sorry when…
MARRIAGE
My reasons for wanting to get married are…
I think the keys to a good marriage are…
The biggest mistakes I made in past relationships are…
The area I’ve grown the most in relationships is…
Relationships in the past have taught me…
I’ve always viewed marriage as…
My parents had a [ ] marriage.
I learned [ ] about marriage from my parents.
I think the things in marriage you should be honest about are…
The areas I’m concerned about being married are…
The areas I’m excited about being married are…
Marriage for me will be giving up…
Marriage for me will be gaining…
I think separate vacations are…
Traveling together is…
When having conflict, I like to: cool off by myself before discussing the problem; discuss and work the problem out right away; pretend there is no problem and just move on; analyze the problem as to what it is, why it happened, how to avoid it in the future, etc…
Arguing and or fighting is…
The best way to handle disagreements is to…
What I fear most about marriage is…
What I anticipate most about marriage is…
The role of in-laws in marriage is…
The thing that will make me most secure (and insecure) in marriage is…
Dating (each other) after you are married is…
Love is…
“Till death do us part” means…
I think people should be allowed to divorce when…
For me, divorce is…
SEX
I think sex is/will be…
I think a healthy marriage involves sex [ ] per week or [ ] per month.
I’m aware that real sex in marriage differs from Hollywood in the following ways…
I think being naked in front of someone is…
On a scale from one to ten, sex is a [ ] in importance in a good marriage for me.
What sex means to me is…
Talking about sex feels…
Being spontaneous or creative in marriage sex sounds…
MONEY/FINANCES
I think money is…
Spending money is hard/easy for me because…
The biggest waste of money is…
The best investment of money is…
I have [ ] in personal debt.
I use credit cards for…
I think car loans are…
Saving up to buy big ticket items is…
My savings plan is…
My retirement plan is…
The way I feel about tithing is…
I hope my spouse is a: saver, spender, somewhere in between.
On a scale from one to ten, financial security is [ ] in importance to me.
I want to save up to buy a…
The kind of house I want to own someday is…
Other items I hope to own are…
Charities I want to contribute to are…
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Is my own appearance important to me?
Is it important that my spouse maintains his/her current physical appearance/weight throughout our marriage?
How important is hygiene to me, i.e. brushing teeth, taking showers, deodorant, etc.?
How do I like to dress for special occasions? For church? For dates? For work?
Do I want to be able to have a say in my spouse’s choice of clothing, hairstyle, or general appearance?
Do I care if they have a say in mine?
Is cologne/perfume important to me?
What physical features are attractive to me?
HOUSEHOLD
How clean is a home that is comfortable for me?
What is my favorite thing about home?
What can I not tolerate in my home (noise, clutter, dirt, pets, unmade beds, etc.)?
How many/which jobs do I think I should do to keep my house maintained?
How many/which jobs do I think my spouse should do around the house?
Who should keep the yard maintained (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will maintain the cars (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will make decisions for and carry out decorating the home (spouse, both, hired out)?
Who will cook family meals?
How many meals do I expect to cook or for my spouse to cook daily?
Who will do the shopping?
Who will do laundry?
Who will do the dishes?
Who will pay bills?
RECREATION
My idea of recreation is…
To me, camping means…
My favorite sports are…
The way I relax on the weekends is by…
What areas of recreation do I want my spouse to accompany me on?
What areas of recreation do I want to do with my friends or alone?
How often will I want to spend time away from the family in my own recreation?
KIDS
I think kids are…
Kids get on my nerves when they…
I love it when kids…
The way I feel about other people’s kids is…
The way kids usually feel about me is…
Kids should be disciplined when…
The way I want to discipline my kids is…
The role of a parent is…
I want [ ] kids someday.
How important is showing physical affection to my kids?
Is telling my kids I love them important?
How much time do I think I should spend with my kids daily?
How important is two-parent interaction and discipline?
I think the bottom line for discipline should be with the (mom or dad)?
How important is it for kids to respect their parents in my home?
When it comes to discipline, I think I will be: lenient, strict, or somewhere in-between?
Where do I want my kids educated (private school, Christian school, home school, etc.)?
HEALTH/HISTORY
Taking care of myself and my health is [ ] important to me.
I think a healthy lifestyle includes…
Physical exercise is…
To me, eating right means…
My idea of a good work out is…
My life fitness plan is to…
My health problems (present or past) are…
I take medication for…
I think life long-term supports are…
People in my family have a history of the following health problems…
People in my family have died at the ages of…
INTIMACY
I feel loved when…
The way I show love to people is…
Which of the following are ways I feel most loved? Time spent with, words of encouragement/praise, gifts, being touched and hugged in a non-sexual manner, when people do things for (serve) me.
Showing affection in front of kids or friends is…
Intimacy is developed through…
I think a good marriage needs at least [ ] hours a day (or week) of focused communication to stay connected.
WORK
My idea of a dream job is…
I think the average number of hours a person can regularly work a week and maintain family commitment is…
Providing for the family is whose responsibility?
My career plans are…
How important is a steady job to me?
What kind of work ethic do I want in my mate?
Where do I draw the line with a job that demands too much time?
My plans for retirement are…
SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION
The way I feel about God is…
I think the way God feels about me is…
On a scale of one to ten, going to church is [ ] in importance for my life and future.
I want to raise my kids in the [ ] faith.
Will God be the center of my home? Why or why not?
If yes, how will I make Him the center?
Prayer is something I do when…
To me, the Bible is…
Other religions besides Christianity are…
Eternal life is accomplished by…
Select and discuss the following. To me, God is: personal, real, distant, vague, angry, happy, loving, harsh, demanding, gentle, kind, good, make-believe, living, powerful, weak, or other.
The way to have a relationship with God is…
For me, including God in my daily life is…
On a scale from one to ten, obeying God and His word is a [ ] to me.
When I die, I…
Monday, 20 September 2010
26-Sep-10
Dr. Siow KW
Kai Yew
Siew Pin, Hong Lu, Foong Yee
Jocelyn Lee, Jacinta Lee
Darren, Ken Fhui
Jaemy C.
Meng Fhui
Tommy Q., Manjit Singh
Kai Yew
Siew Pin, Hong Lu, Foong Yee
Jocelyn Lee, Jacinta Lee
Darren, Ken Fhui
Jaemy C.
Meng Fhui
Tommy Q., Manjit Singh
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Sunday Sermon 19-Sept-2010
Speaker: Pas. David Chan
Trinity Community Centre, Petaling Jaya
http://www.mediafire.com/?sa8vt6j75r26mp2
Trinity Community Centre, Petaling Jaya
http://www.mediafire.com/?sa8vt6j75r26mp2
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Day 40 (Thursday 16 September) - Surpremacy of Christ!
by NECF Malaysia 40-Day Fast & Prayer on Thursday, 16 September 2010 at 01:01
Scriptures declare, 'Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord!' When Christ is exalted and enthroned in a nation, the floodgates of heaven will open to bless the nation. Darkness will be dispelled, prisons will be opened, the enemy will be crushed and the land will be healed. Let us arise as the people of God and welcome the King of Glory to reign and rule in this land.
Enthroning Christ as Head of our Nation
Decree: The kingdom of this world will turn to become the kingdom of our God!
Enthroning Christ as Head of the Church
Enforce: The Supremacy of Christ to rule over His Church to come forth into fullness of maturity in the Body of Christ. Releasing the 5-fold ministry gifts for the equipping of the saints for the end-time harvest.
Enthroning Christ as Head over our Household
Restoring Heads of household to their position - to lead, guide and instruct the children in the ways of the Lord. Decree the fullness of Mal 4:6, bringing healing and reconciliation in all relationships, standing together as ONE powerful unit.
Enthroning Christ as Head over all Authorities
Release: blessings on those in authority to serve God's purpose.That the bars of the nation that obstruct God's purposes to be broken.Positioning of men and women after His own heart in high places of authority.
Enthroning Christ as Head over all realms of influence
Decree His Word:
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the Head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy.For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross".
Amen!
Col 1:15-20
Scriptures declare, 'Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord!' When Christ is exalted and enthroned in a nation, the floodgates of heaven will open to bless the nation. Darkness will be dispelled, prisons will be opened, the enemy will be crushed and the land will be healed. Let us arise as the people of God and welcome the King of Glory to reign and rule in this land.
Enthroning Christ as Head of our Nation
Decree: The kingdom of this world will turn to become the kingdom of our God!
Enthroning Christ as Head of the Church
Enforce: The Supremacy of Christ to rule over His Church to come forth into fullness of maturity in the Body of Christ. Releasing the 5-fold ministry gifts for the equipping of the saints for the end-time harvest.
Enthroning Christ as Head over our Household
Restoring Heads of household to their position - to lead, guide and instruct the children in the ways of the Lord. Decree the fullness of Mal 4:6, bringing healing and reconciliation in all relationships, standing together as ONE powerful unit.
Enthroning Christ as Head over all Authorities
Release: blessings on those in authority to serve God's purpose.That the bars of the nation that obstruct God's purposes to be broken.Positioning of men and women after His own heart in high places of authority.
Enthroning Christ as Head over all realms of influence
Decree His Word:
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the Head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy.For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross".
Amen!
Col 1:15-20
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Day 39 (Wednesday 15 September) - Preparing His Glorious Bride!
by NECF Malaysia 40-Day Fast & Prayer on Wednesday, 15 September 2010 at 01:03
In this critical time, the Bride of Christ must be PREPARED! In the parable of the 10 virgins in Matt 25:1-13, five had made adequate preparation for their lamps had extra oil in jars (Matt 25:4). The other five had lamps but no extra oil. At midnight, the bridegroom arrived. The lamps of the five virgins without extra oil went out to search for oil and missed the arrival of the bridegroom. When they returned and found the wedding feast in progress, they sought admission but were denied.
Jesus' coming is near, but not all will be spiritually prepared for it. His coming will be sudden and unexpected. Those who fail to acknowledge Him truly as Lord cannot enter His kingdom. Since the day and hour of His return are unknown, let us consider how we should live our lives. This is a desperate call for all generations to keep WATCH, be ALERT and be PREPARED!
Reflection: Matt 25:1-13. Honestly ask ourselves, "How have I been investing my time, resources or talents? Am I ready for His return?" Let us strip off every falsehood, pretension, spiritual dullness and self justification and allow His Spirit to renew us in our commitment to Him.
Prayer Points
■ Call on the Lord to raise up His standard to bring His Body into a new level of purity and holiness, separating herself from all defilement to know the time and season.
■ Call into His chamber - believers to enter into a new season of intimacy; to be filled with fresh anointing daily to minister out of relationship.
■ Call to watch - awaken believers to the privilege of His high calling to be His watchmen to watch and pray with fervency and intensity, renewing faith and focus until His Kingdom comes! Prayer Cells to be established in private/government offices, housing estates, apartments, parks, in places where none exists in all the states.
■ Call forth:
- the greatest revival to come forth to the fullness of people groups who have yet to receive His salvation
- His Glorious Bride without wrinkles to be prepared for His Glorious return! Maranatha! Come Lord Jesus, Come! The Spirit and the Bride say, AMEN!
In this critical time, the Bride of Christ must be PREPARED! In the parable of the 10 virgins in Matt 25:1-13, five had made adequate preparation for their lamps had extra oil in jars (Matt 25:4). The other five had lamps but no extra oil. At midnight, the bridegroom arrived. The lamps of the five virgins without extra oil went out to search for oil and missed the arrival of the bridegroom. When they returned and found the wedding feast in progress, they sought admission but were denied.
Jesus' coming is near, but not all will be spiritually prepared for it. His coming will be sudden and unexpected. Those who fail to acknowledge Him truly as Lord cannot enter His kingdom. Since the day and hour of His return are unknown, let us consider how we should live our lives. This is a desperate call for all generations to keep WATCH, be ALERT and be PREPARED!
Reflection: Matt 25:1-13. Honestly ask ourselves, "How have I been investing my time, resources or talents? Am I ready for His return?" Let us strip off every falsehood, pretension, spiritual dullness and self justification and allow His Spirit to renew us in our commitment to Him.
Prayer Points
■ Call on the Lord to raise up His standard to bring His Body into a new level of purity and holiness, separating herself from all defilement to know the time and season.
■ Call into His chamber - believers to enter into a new season of intimacy; to be filled with fresh anointing daily to minister out of relationship.
■ Call to watch - awaken believers to the privilege of His high calling to be His watchmen to watch and pray with fervency and intensity, renewing faith and focus until His Kingdom comes! Prayer Cells to be established in private/government offices, housing estates, apartments, parks, in places where none exists in all the states.
■ Call forth:
- the greatest revival to come forth to the fullness of people groups who have yet to receive His salvation
- His Glorious Bride without wrinkles to be prepared for His Glorious return! Maranatha! Come Lord Jesus, Come! The Spirit and the Bride say, AMEN!
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Day 38 (Tuesday 14 September) - Destined to Rule!
by NECF Malaysia 40-Day Fast & Prayer on Tuesday, 14 September 2010 at 01:01
Today, let thanksgivings overflow to our Father for our liberty in Christ, for calling us His sons! Indeed we are entering into a time of restoring all generations to full maturity. We will no longer be tossed to and fro but we will stand firm and rooted in Him. "...speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work" Eph 4:15-16. It's time to grow up and put away every 'childish' ways and carnality of our flesh and clothe ourselves in His royal robe as sons of righteousness!
Reflection: Rom 8:14-17, Rev 5:10. Ask the Lord to open our eyes of understanding to the full revelation of 'sonship' and to appropriate what He has deposited into us to walk victorious as sons and daughters of God. Renounce and shake off every spirit of inferiority or defeatism, childish ways and carnality. We are all destined to be kings and priest, the head and not the tail!
Prayer Points
■ The power which He exerted in Christ when He raise Him up from the dead, the same power to come upon His Church to raise her up from her spiritual slumber, sluggishness and carnality into NEW LIFE and POWER, to walk as sons of God.
■ Restoring and uniting all generations unto Him and releasing them to new levels of maturity. To prepare them to be His glorious Bride.
■ Spiritual leaders (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and elders) to empower and "to prepare God's people for works of service". Instructing and activating members of the Body to be positioned rightly to function in their gifts and callings that the whole Body will be built up.
■ Receiving strategies for bringing down strongholds in your community, city and nation. Releasing the apostolic and prophetic ministries in our nation.
■ Declare Eph 3:20-21 - He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. To Him be glory in the church of Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.
Today, let thanksgivings overflow to our Father for our liberty in Christ, for calling us His sons! Indeed we are entering into a time of restoring all generations to full maturity. We will no longer be tossed to and fro but we will stand firm and rooted in Him. "...speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work" Eph 4:15-16. It's time to grow up and put away every 'childish' ways and carnality of our flesh and clothe ourselves in His royal robe as sons of righteousness!
Reflection: Rom 8:14-17, Rev 5:10. Ask the Lord to open our eyes of understanding to the full revelation of 'sonship' and to appropriate what He has deposited into us to walk victorious as sons and daughters of God. Renounce and shake off every spirit of inferiority or defeatism, childish ways and carnality. We are all destined to be kings and priest, the head and not the tail!
Prayer Points
■ The power which He exerted in Christ when He raise Him up from the dead, the same power to come upon His Church to raise her up from her spiritual slumber, sluggishness and carnality into NEW LIFE and POWER, to walk as sons of God.
■ Restoring and uniting all generations unto Him and releasing them to new levels of maturity. To prepare them to be His glorious Bride.
■ Spiritual leaders (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and elders) to empower and "to prepare God's people for works of service". Instructing and activating members of the Body to be positioned rightly to function in their gifts and callings that the whole Body will be built up.
■ Receiving strategies for bringing down strongholds in your community, city and nation. Releasing the apostolic and prophetic ministries in our nation.
■ Declare Eph 3:20-21 - He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. To Him be glory in the church of Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.
Monday, 13 September 2010
19-Sep-10
Liong KC
Peggy Tan
Gigi Lim, Lydia Sim, Colleen
Grace Lee, Meng Fhui
Anna Sim, Prisca
Ken Fhui
Jocelyn Lee
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF
Peggy Tan
Gigi Lim, Lydia Sim, Colleen
Grace Lee, Meng Fhui
Anna Sim, Prisca
Ken Fhui
Jocelyn Lee
Manjit Singh, Hiew FF
Day 37 (Monday 13 September) - Possessing Our Inheritance
by NECF Malaysia 40-Day Fast & Prayer on Monday, 13 September 2010 at 01:12
The Lord has declared that we are to reach out to the nations. We have asked but now He wants us, every generation in the Family of God, to go forth and take hold of the nation by His Word. His Word commands us to be strong and of good courage and take hold of the people groups and the land. He promised to be with us. He will go before us. Therefore let us arise and go forth to possess the land by the Word of the Lord!
Reflection: Psalm 2:8, Rev 7:9-10. Do you believe that God has given this nation into your hands? Or are you disheartened by the 'giants' of obstacles that obstruct your future? Whatever your fears, let us renounce every doubt, unbelief and hopelessness. Let us be resolute in our conviction and stand firm on His Word today to claim this nation.
Prayer Points
■ Thank the Lord for this rich inheritance that the borders of this nation are marked out by Him and for His Glory. Claim, Psalm 24:1, "Malaysia is the Lord's and the fullness thereof!"
■ Thank Him for the rich culture and diversity of all people groups in all the states. Claim Rev 7:9-10 that all tribes and tongue will stand before The Lamb of God.
■ Pray for the fullness of the redemptive purpose of God to be realised. The Church to fulfill her destiny and call:
- to reach out to the lost, both the local people groups and the millions of migrants that are right at our doorstep.
- thousands to heed the call of God to be sent forth to the nations to the people groups who are still yet saved.
■ Every believer will be passionate about prayer and intentionally plant prayer cells in spiritually dark places for the gospel to penetrate through every part of the country.
The Lord has declared that we are to reach out to the nations. We have asked but now He wants us, every generation in the Family of God, to go forth and take hold of the nation by His Word. His Word commands us to be strong and of good courage and take hold of the people groups and the land. He promised to be with us. He will go before us. Therefore let us arise and go forth to possess the land by the Word of the Lord!
Reflection: Psalm 2:8, Rev 7:9-10. Do you believe that God has given this nation into your hands? Or are you disheartened by the 'giants' of obstacles that obstruct your future? Whatever your fears, let us renounce every doubt, unbelief and hopelessness. Let us be resolute in our conviction and stand firm on His Word today to claim this nation.
Prayer Points
■ Thank the Lord for this rich inheritance that the borders of this nation are marked out by Him and for His Glory. Claim, Psalm 24:1, "Malaysia is the Lord's and the fullness thereof!"
■ Thank Him for the rich culture and diversity of all people groups in all the states. Claim Rev 7:9-10 that all tribes and tongue will stand before The Lamb of God.
■ Pray for the fullness of the redemptive purpose of God to be realised. The Church to fulfill her destiny and call:
- to reach out to the lost, both the local people groups and the millions of migrants that are right at our doorstep.
- thousands to heed the call of God to be sent forth to the nations to the people groups who are still yet saved.
■ Every believer will be passionate about prayer and intentionally plant prayer cells in spiritually dark places for the gospel to penetrate through every part of the country.
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Sunday Sermon 12-Sept-2010
Speaker: Bro. Tan Moh Huat
White Fields Assembly, Seremban
http://www.mediafire.com/?2ex9xrcfi8xkd47
(8MB)
White Fields Assembly, Seremban
http://www.mediafire.com/?2ex9xrcfi8xkd47
(8MB)
Day 36 (Sunday 12 September) - Empowering the Next Generation
by NECF Malaysia 40-Day Fast & Prayer on Sunday, 12 September 2010 at 01:08
God has raised a generation of youths with a "different spirit". As Caleb in Numbers 14:24, they bear the seal of servants of the Lord who follow Him wholeheartedly. With boldness and faith, they stand to inherit all that the Lord has ordained for them. They are an overcoming generation, a people convicted by the Lord's revelation through which they are empowered to live as "more than conquerors" (Rom 8:37-39), with the potential of impacting the present and the future generations. It is time we recognise, empower and release this generation to "take this land"!
Claim the fulfillment of Numbers 14:24 and Rom 8:37 for the young people. Pray for yourself, your children and other young people by name. Let the love of God so saturate young lives that they walk with a different spirit, carrying an anointing of favour with God and man.
Prayer Points
■ Plead the Lord's mercy on youths who have substituted their passion for God with other passions which have alienated them from God and the Body of Christ. Declare that nothing can separate them from His love.
■ This generation of young people to have a different spirit, with a heart of submission to authority in their homes, churches and schools.
■ Spiritual leaders to be role models to teach, lead and mentor them to be future leaders after His own heart.
■ A powerful movement of this young generation who will embrace their destiny for this nation, to be actively engaged in the public square to be His voice to stand for justice and righteousness.
God has raised a generation of youths with a "different spirit". As Caleb in Numbers 14:24, they bear the seal of servants of the Lord who follow Him wholeheartedly. With boldness and faith, they stand to inherit all that the Lord has ordained for them. They are an overcoming generation, a people convicted by the Lord's revelation through which they are empowered to live as "more than conquerors" (Rom 8:37-39), with the potential of impacting the present and the future generations. It is time we recognise, empower and release this generation to "take this land"!
Claim the fulfillment of Numbers 14:24 and Rom 8:37 for the young people. Pray for yourself, your children and other young people by name. Let the love of God so saturate young lives that they walk with a different spirit, carrying an anointing of favour with God and man.
Prayer Points
■ Plead the Lord's mercy on youths who have substituted their passion for God with other passions which have alienated them from God and the Body of Christ. Declare that nothing can separate them from His love.
■ This generation of young people to have a different spirit, with a heart of submission to authority in their homes, churches and schools.
■ Spiritual leaders to be role models to teach, lead and mentor them to be future leaders after His own heart.
■ A powerful movement of this young generation who will embrace their destiny for this nation, to be actively engaged in the public square to be His voice to stand for justice and righteousness.
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