The Joy of Intimacy is the Reward of Commitment

An intimate relationship is a beautiful experience that God wants us to enjoy. After all, He stated that it wasn't good for man to alone and created the woman to perfectly complement him and help him (Gen 2:18). But God has made the fulfilment of intimacy a by-product of commitment-based love. If we want to experience the goodness of His plan, we need to reconnect the pursuit of intimacy with the pursuit of commitment:

the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment

All of us want intimacy. It means being close to someone. It's being vulnerable, open, and dependent. It's giving to and receiving from another person the deepest parts of who we are - our hopes, our fears, our secrets, our affections. An intimate relationship in which we know and are known by another human is one of the most fulfilling and precious parts of life - it's a gift from God.
There are many different kinds of intimate relationships in life. We can be intimate with a friend, with a family member, with a co-worker, but the deepest, most meaningful of intimate relationships (outside of a Christian's relationship with God) is the one between a husband and wife who share not only their hearts but also their bodies - in sexual intimacy, two people know each other in a profound way.
What each of these relationships has in common is trust. We are intimate with those people who have proven their faithfulness to us, people who have shown over time that they will be careful to guard what we have given of ourselves. We're intimate with people who are committed to us.
You might say that intimacy between a man and a woman is the icing on the cake of a relationship headed toward marriage. And if we look at intimacy that way, then it becomes obvious that most of our dating relationships are all icing. They usually lack a purpose or a clear destination. In most cases, especially when we're younger, dating is short term,serving the needs of the moment. We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment.

"I'm Feeling Angry"

When you are angry, the first positive step is to admit to yourself that you are angry. Say aloud, "I'm feeling angry." The second step is to ask God to help you handle your anger in a positive way. "Lord, help me to do what is right and good with my anger." The third step is to ask, "Did someone sin against me?" If so, the biblical answer is to lovingly confront the person and seek reconciliation.

On the other hand, if you are angry simply because something happened that irritates you, ask "What can I learn from this experience?" If the other person habitually arrives late for your appointment, perhaps you can talk with them and negotiate change. Thus the anger has served a positive purpose. God wants to teach you how to handle your anger in a godly way.

When you are angry, be sure to get the facts before you take action. You hear your spouse tell someone on the phone, "I'll be there tomorrow night." You know that tomorrow night is your date night, so you get angry. Before you storm in and say something harsh, take time to ask, "Did I hear you promise someone to do something tomorrow night?" Your spouse says, "Yes, I told mom I'd bring her blanket by. I thought we could do it either before or after we go out to eat."

Your anger subsides because you took time to get the facts. Often we jump to conclusions about what someone said or did, and we accuse them in anger. We ruin a perfectly good evening because we failed to ask questions.




Adapted from Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Knowing What's Best

Philippians 1:9-10: 9 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ,

The way we love others should constantly grow and deepen in its knowledge and insight. And when our love grows in knowledge, we can more readily 'discern what is best' for our lives. Don't we all desperately need that discernment?
After all, when we engage in guy-girl relationships, we're not always choosing between absolute wrong and absolute right. Often the choice is between what's good and what's best...
... Because there is not biblical command not to date, this is an area that we each need to evaluate in light of our own maturity, our motive and the other person involved. The decision requires wisdom.
This is where it's so important that our love for others be shaped by God's love for us. This kind of love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God.

• Stop seeing members of the opposite sex as potential girlfriends/boyfriends - discover the richness of true friendship
• Stop worrying about whom you are going to marry & start trusting God's timing - uncover the potential of serving God as a single
• Stop flirting with temptation in one-on-one dating relationships & start pursuing righteousness - uncover the peace and power that come from purity

This Is Love

I've come to understand that God's Lordship in my life does not merely tinker with my approach to romance - it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently; He wants me to think differently - to view love, purity and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and a new attitude.
The basis of this new attitude is God's love for us. John explains the connection between God's love and the way we relate to others in 1 John 4:10-11:

10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Do you see what John is saying? God's amazing love for us at the cross provides both the example and the power for us to love others. People whose sins have been forgiven through faith in Jesus' death on the cross can't live or love the same ever again. We've been set free from our old self-centred life. We used to be controlled by what felt good, but now, as new creations, we're to be controlled by God's love. In 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, Paul writes:

14 For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; 15 and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.

The Bible teaches us that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living. And we can no longer live for ourselves - we now live for God and for the good of others.
Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship'. They're not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his/her best interest. To care for him/her even when there's nothing in it for us. To want that person's purity & holiness because it pleases God & protects him/her.
So whether or not we take a break from dating, if our dating is controlled by Christ's love it will look so radically different than the relationships around us that we'll want to come up with a different name for it!

~ taken from  "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris

So This Is Love?

It was finally here - Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for moths. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends & family.
Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a string quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she has waited so long. He gently took her hand and they turned towards the altar.
but as the minister began to lead Anna & David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another gril approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.
Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.
"I'm.. I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.
"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.
"They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now.. but I've given part of my heart to each of them."
"I thought your heart was mine," she said.
"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."
A tear rolled down Anna's cheek. Then she woke up.

1. How many men/women could line up next to me on my wedding day?
2. How many times have I given my heart away in short-term relationships?
3. Will I have anything left to give my husband/wife?

~ taken from "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris

Two Types of Anger

When is the last time you felt angry? How did you handle your anger? All of us have seen people explode. Many of us have exploded. On the other hand, many Christians pride themselves in holding their anger inside. But internalized anger is bad for your health.

The biblical challenge is that when we experience anger, we are to process it in a positive way. That may mean gently confronting the person who stimulated our anger. Or it may mean asking God to forgive us for being so 'bent out of shape' over such a minor matter. Learning to process anger in a timely and healthy way is one of the first lessons for healthy relationships.

Why do people get angry? I believe we get angry when our sense of 'right' is violated. But we have two kinds of anger:

* Definitive anger: When someone has wronged us.
* Distorted anger: When things didn't go our way.


Much of our anger is distorted. The traffic moved too slowly. Our spouse didn't do what we wanted.

This distorted anger is still very intense and must be processed. Here's a question: Would it be helpful if I shared my anger with someone? In sharing it, might I improve things for everyone? Or, should I simply let it go? Whatever you do, do something positive. Don't hold anger inside. Anger was meant to be a visitor, never a resident.



Adapted from Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

A Friend in High Places

by Max Lucado

God has put all things under the authority of Christ.
(Eph. 1:22)

Christ is running the show. Right now. A leaf just fell from a tree in the Alps. Christ caused it to do so. A newborn baby in India inhaled for the first time. Jesus measured the breath. The migration of the belugas through the oceans? Christ dictates their itinerary. He is

the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him.
(Col. 1:15–16)

What a phenomenal list! Heavens and earth. Visible and invisible. Thrones, dominions, rulers, and authorities. No thing, place, or person omitted. The scale on the sea urchin. The hair on the elephant hide. The hurricane that wrecks the coast, the rain that nourishes the desert, the infant’s first heartbeat, the elderly person’s final breath—all can be traced back to the hand of Christ, the firstborn of creation.

Firstborn in Paul’s vernacular has nothing to do with birth order. Firstborn refers to order of rank. As one translation states: “He ranks higher than everything that has been made” (v. 15) Everything? Find an exception. Peter’s mother-in-law has a fever; Jesus rebukes it. A tax needs to be paid; Jesus pays it by sending first a coin and then a fisherman’s hook into the mouth of a fish. When five thousand stomachs growl, Jesus renders a boy’s basket a bottomless buffet. Jesus exudes authority. He bats an eyelash, and nature jumps. No one argues when, at the end of his earthly life, the God-man declares, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth” (Matt. 28:18).

The Christ of the galaxies is the Christ of your Mondays. The Starmaker manages your travel schedule. Relax. You have a friend in high places. Does the child of Arnold Schwarzenegger worry about tight pickle-jar lids? Does the son of Nike founder Phil Knight sweat a broken shoestring? If the daughter of Bill Gates can’t turn on her computer, does she panic?

No. Nor should you.

The Great House of GodFrom Next Door Savior
Available in Hardback or Paperback
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2003) Max Lucado

The Reality of Hardship

Many of us in WFA do not like to talk about hardship and suffering but these are realities that we cannot avoid in life, for our children, our loved ones and ourselves. We recently discussed hardship and read about God's goodness in the 23rd Psalm - a much loved portion of the scripture that contains some of the Bible's most profound truths. It tells us that God is the Shepherd of His people. Jesus refers to Himself as the "good shepherd" who gave His life for us in John 10:11-16. This is a beautiful picture that God is a good shepherd of His people and that we are the sheep of His pasture.

We therefore depend on God to guide us and protect us and even if we walk in "the valley of the shadow of death" we do not have to fear because God is leading us. King David, who once was a young shepherd said, "Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me". In addition to God's supernatural rod and staff comforting His people, the Word of God can be a rod and staff both for protecting and leading us.

Like goodness, God's unwavering love and mercy will follow or pursue us like a parent following after a young child (sometimes seen in WFA during Sunday worship!) - an image of God coming after us when we face hardship, helping us to overcome challenges and assuring us that His unfailing love will always be there whatever happens. God's goodness endures even when hardship and disaster occur. He words for our good, giving us good things we do not deserve. Mercy means that because of Jesus, God will hold back the condemnation we deserve for our sin. When God inspired the Psalmist to say "And I will live in the house of the Lord forever," it means that God has prepared a place for each one of us in Heaven. The well-known author Rick Warren says that his is one of the most important connections in the Bible. It connects yesterday with today and then connects them both with tomorrow. The 23rd Psalm ends by assuring us that we are doing to Heaven. With God, things will not only get better but Jesus saves the best until Last. We have assurance in 2 Corinthians 5:1 that the best is yet to come - "For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the Heavens."

And Scripture says that it will be forever. Some day our bodies will die, but we will not. Our body is going to end, but it will not be the end of us. All of us are going to end up forever in one of two places - heaven or hell. These are both real places but Christians can be completely confident about the future. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8 reminds us "So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well places rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord".

Hardship strengthens us and even death is a promotion placing us in a place better with no more problems. We must all die someday but scripture tells us we are not ready to live until we are ready to die. If you have accepted Christ, you are going to Heaven. You will be released from pain, from sorrow, from suffering, from fear. Revelations 21:4 tells us "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying ... no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Sunday Sermon 4-Oct-2009

Speaker: Elder Sim Say Khim

White Fields Assembly Seremban

11 OCTOBER 2009

CM: Barnabas P.

WL: Kai Yew
BU: Jason Lai, Jacquelina, Lareina

P: Chris Lai
S: Jocelyn Lee
G: Darren Oi
D: Jaemy C.

LCD: Lee Siew Pin, Timothy Chang
PA: Tommy Q., Manjit Singh
-

18 Oct:

CM: Caleb R.

WL: Peter Long

BU: Timothy C, Siew Pin, Foong Yee

P: Grace Lee

S: Jason Lai

G: Chew Weng Ern

D: Darren Oi

LCD: Tian Sia, Colleen Chang

PA: Hiew FF, Tommy Q.

Are You Eaten Up With Anger?

Do you find yourself overreacting to little irritations? Your spouse forgot the milk. Your child tracked mud on the new carpet, and you explode. There is a good chance that you are suffering from stored anger. You've held all of these hurts inside and now your stored anger is showing up in your behavior. In my book entitled: Anger, I talk about getting rid of this.

When is the last time someone deeply hurt you? How did you respond? Jesus gave clear instructions: When we are mistreated, we are to lovingly confront the person who hurt us and seek reconciliation.

One of the common problems I encounter in the counseling office is people who are eaten up with anger. In an effort to be good Christians, they've held their anger inside. Anger held inside leads to bitterness, hatred, and often depression.

If you have internalized your anger for a long time, it's time to release it to God. Tell God how much you have been hurt. Then, release the person and your anger to God. When you release people to God, you put them in good hands.

Do you have a long standing offense with someone? Don't sit around the rest of your life letting anger control your life. Go to the person and tell them that you would like to make things right.

If they are open, they will confess their wrong and you can forgive. If they are not, then ask God if there is anything else you need to do. Give that person and your hurt and anger to God. Pray for them, but don't allow their behavior to control your life. God wants you to be free to follow Him.

There is hope for all of us who live with anger. It begins with taking a look at your history. It's never too late to seek reconciliation. Jesus knows all about being mistreated. You can trust Him with your anger.





Adapted from Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Special Friday Meeting

Speaker: Prophet Lionel Batke

Vancouver, Canada

He Loves to Be with the Ones He Loves

by Max Lucado

Holiday travel. It isn’t easy. Then why do we do it? Why cram the trunks and endure the airports? You know the answer. We love to be with the ones we love.

The four-year-old running up the sidewalk into the arms of Grandpa.

The cup of coffee with Mom before the rest of the house awakes.

That moment when, for a moment, everyone is quiet as we hold hands around the table and thank God for family and friends and pumpkin pie.

We love to be with the ones we love.

May I remind you? So does God. He loves to be with the ones he loves. How else do you explain what he did? Between him and us there was a distance—a great span. And he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t stand it. So he did something about it.

Before coming to the earth, “Christ himself was like God in every-thing.… But he gave up his place with God and made himself nothing. He was born to be a man and became like a servant” (Phil. 2:6–7 NCV).

Why? Why did Jesus travel so far?

I was asking myself that question when I spotted the squirrels outside my window. A family of black-tailed squirrels has made its home amid the roots of the tree north of my office. We’ve been neighbors for three years now. They watch me peck the keyboard. I watch them store their nuts and climb the trunk. We’re mutually amused. I could watch them all day. Sometimes I do.

But I’ve never considered becoming one of them. The squirrel world holds no appeal to me. Who wants to sleep next to a hairy rodent with beady eyes? (No comments from you wives who feel you already do.) Give up the Rocky Mountains, bass fishing, weddings, and laughter for a hole in the ground and a diet of dirty nuts? Count me out.

But count Jesus in. What a world he left. Our classiest mansion would be a tree trunk to him. Earth’s finest cuisine would be walnuts on heaven’s table. And the idea of becoming a squirrel with claws and tiny teeth and a furry tail? It’s nothing compared to God becoming a one-celled embryo and entering the womb of Mary.

But he did. The God of the universe kicked against the wall of a womb, was born into the poverty of a peasant, and spent his first night in the feed trough of a cow. “The Word became flesh and lived among us” (John 1:14 NRSV). The God of the universe left the glory of heaven and moved into the neighborhood. Our neighborhood! Who could have imagined he would do such a thing.

Why? He loves to be with the ones he loves.

The Great House of GodFrom Next Door Savior
Available in Hardback or Paperback
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2003) Max Lucado

Teaching Children Obedience: Part II of II

Are you having trouble teaching your child obedience? Children are moral creatures. They have a strong sense of right and wrong. When you state rules clearly to children and why you have the rule, and you state what the consequences will be if the rule is broken, you're on the way to teaching obedience.

The only other ingredient is to be consistent in letting the child suffer the consequences. If you remove the consequences because the child cries, then you teach the child to cry. If a temper tantrum will change the parents' mind, then the child becomes a terror. Do yourself a favor: learn to discipline fairly and consistently.

Do you want to teach your child not to smoke cigarettes? Then don't smoke yourself, and make it a family rule. In our family, no one smokes cigarettes. If we break the rule we must eat a carrot - the whole thing. This will give the body beta carotene to overcome the nicotine, and chances are the teen will think twice about smoking a second time.

If there is a second violation, a $25 donation to the American Heart Association, picking up 100 cigarette butts from the street and putting them in a trash can, and reading an article on the dangers of nicotine to the lungs will probably be enough to convince him that smoking is for camels and not for children. The third level is spending a day with a man who is dying of lung cancer. Your children are smart. Expose them to the truth.

Discipline is not a dirty word. It means "training." Every child needs it. It begins by helping a child understand that my behavior affects others. If I help mommy set the table, mommy is happy. If I throw the ball on the table, mommy is upset. It continues with the reality that life is filled with rules. Rules are for our good.

Having the consequences for misbehavior set in advance keeps you from being controlled by your emotional state at the moment. When you let it slide one day and come down hard on the child the next day for the same behavior, you create insecurity in the soul of the child. Be consistent and be loving and you will have a child that others will enjoy.




Adapted from The Family You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Jesus Touched the Untouchables

by Max Lucado
When Jesus came down from the hill, great crowds followed him. Then a man with a skin disease came to Jesus. The man bowed down before him and said, “Lord, you can heal me if you will.”
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man and said, “I will. Be healed!” And immediately the man was healed from his disease.
Matthew 8:1-3

I wonder… about the man who felt Jesus’ compassionate touch. He makes one appearance, has one request, and receives one touch. But that one touch changed his life forever….

I wonder about this man because in New Testament times leprosy was the most dreaded disease. The condition rendered the body a mass of ulcers and decay. Fingers would curl and gnarl. Blotches of skin would discolor and stink. Certain types of leprosy would numb nerve endings, leading to a loss of fingers, toes, even a whole foot or hand. Leprosy was death by inches.

The social consequences were as severe as the physical. Considered contagious, the leper was quarantined, banished to a leper colony.

In Scripture the leper is symbolic of the ultimate outcast: infected by a condition he did not seek, rejected by those he knew, avoided by people he did not know, condemned to a future he could not bear…

The touch did not heal the disease, you know. Matthew is careful to mention that it was the pronouncement and not the touch of Christ that cured the condition. “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man and said, ‘I will. Be healed!’ And immediately the man was healed from his disease” (Matt. 8:3).

The infection was banished by a word from Jesus.

The loneliness, however, was treated by a touch from Jesus.

Jesus touched the untouchables of the world.

From
His Name is Jesus
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2009) Max Lucado

Teaching Children Obedience

It's 4:30 in the afternoon when I am saying to my 10 year old son. "I'm sorry, Son, but you cannot ride your bicycle this afternoon. You know the rule. The bicycle is to be placed in the storage shed every night. If you leave it out, then you do not get to ride the following day. Last night you left it out all night; therefore, you cannot ride the bike this afternoon."

Am I being harsh to my son? No, I'm loving my son. Life is filled with rules and when we break them, we suffer the consequences. It is a lesson if learned early that may keep him from greater pain as an adult. "Children obey your parents, in the Lord for this is right." It is a fundamental principle of parenting. Make wise rules and have logical consequences. Be loving but consistent, and your children will be the benefactors.

Every society has rules. In a healthy society, rules are designed for the benefit of the whole and everyone reaps the benefits.

The same principles are true in family life. Mom and Dad have the responsibility to decide rules that are for the benefit of the children. Good rules which are lovingly enforced teach children obedience. Bad rules that are harshly enforced create angry children. Perhaps its time to evaluate your rules, and the manner in which you enforce them.

Are you having trouble teaching your child obedience? Stay tuned for next week's "A Love Language Minute."



Adapted from The Family You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

God Is Our Comfort

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4

Even in a relatively peaceful and prosperous land like Malaysia, there are many things to worry about these days whether it be our health, our children (or grandchildren), our finances, our safety, our country's political/racial problem, our government's mismanagement of the country's resources etc. All too often, many of our decisions are based on our fears and uncertainty of how things will turn out. God's promises is however that even when our situation becomes really bad, even in our darkest moments, He is there walking beside us.

In our of his devotional articles, Rick Warren observes that there are 365 verses in the Bible that says, "Fear not." God provided us with one 'fear not' message for every day of the year! Don't you think God is saying, "Listen to Me. Don't be afraid." It's interesting that almost every time God talks directly to someone in the Bible, the first thing He says is, "Don't be afraid!" Why is this so? It's because our pain and problems can lead us to think that God is out to punish or condemn us. But this is simply not the case and Jesus is proof of that. Our own fear of pain, sickness, hardship or poverty is definitely not from God.

After we understand God's grace and mercy, we have no need to fear the future. God is never trying to punish you for something you did or did not do. Jesus has taken the penalty for everything you've ever done or will do wrong. He paid for it on the cross. So when a bad thing happens, you don't have to think, "God is punishing me." Instead, remember this verse (from the New Living Translation Bible) "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

In the Spirit Filled Life Bible, Paul McGuire explains that the word 'comfort', or 'nacham' in Hebrew means: to comfort, console, extend compassion, sigh with one who is grieving or to repent. Nacham originally may have meant "to breathe intensely because of deep emotion." David wrote that God's rod and staff comforted him. David was not saying that God was just going to give him "a little pat on the hand" like one might do with a frightened child with a promise that everything would turn out okay, but that God was going to experience his suffering with him and embrace him at the deepest level.

In some references nacham is translated "repent", the idea being that regret causes deep sighing. In it's sense of comfort, nacham does not describe casual sympathy , but rather is actually "weeping with those who weep," or "sighing with those who sigh". This should convey a sense of our God being deeply personal and involved with our pain, fear, difficulties and sorrows. Therefore the peace and comfort that He brings to us when we open our hearts to Him is deep and personal. It is entirely unlike the comfort of the world that is often tied to material gain, money or medication.

Sunday Sermon 27 Sept 2009

Speaker: Rev. Isaac Yim

Malaysian Baptist Theological Seminary

4 OCTOBER 2009 - communion

CM: Dr. Siow KW

WL: Foong Yee
BU: Tian Sia, Hong Lu, Gigi Lim

P: Jason Lai
S: Jocelyn Lee
G: Darren Oi
D: Kenneth Lai

LCD: Lee Siew Pin, Timothy Chang
PA: Manjit Singh, Hiew FF
-

11 Oct:

CM: Barnabas P.

WL: Kai Yew

BU: Jason Lai, Jacquelina, Lareina

P: Chris Lai

S: Jocelyn Lee

G: Darren Oi

D: Jaemy C.

LCD: Lee Siew Pin, Timothy Chang

PA: Tommy Q., Manjit Singh

Help! I Don't Know My Love Language!: Part 2 of 2

Last week we discussed two ways to discover your love language, (1) observe your own behavior, and (2) observe what you request of others. Today we'll cover three more ways.

3. Listen to Your Complaints
The things about which you complain (whether expressed verbally or only in your head) can be very telling in figuring out your primary love language.

If you complain that your friends no longer have time for you, your love language is likely quality time. If you complain that only one friend gave you a birthday present, your language is likely gifts. If you complain about not having a good hug in the last two months, physical touch is probably your language. If your complaint is that no one ever helps you and they expect you to do everything, then acts of service is probably your love language.

Our complaints reveal our deep emotional hurts. The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. If you received love in that language, the hurt would go away and you would feel appreciated.

4. Ask the Right Questions
If you are currently in a dating relationship, you've got a great opportunity to discover your primary love language. Ask and answer the following questions: "What do I like most about the person I'm dating? What does he or she do or say that makes me desire to be with him/her?" Your answers will be very enlightening.

Another approach would be to ask yourself: "What would be an ideal spouse to me? If I could have the perfect mate, what would she/he be like?" Your picture of a perfect mate should give you some idea of your primary love language.

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, you may ask: "What do I want most in a friendship?" Complete the following sentence: "An ideal friend would ________." Your answer will probably reveal your primary love language.

5. The Love Language Profile
The final step in discovering (or confirming) your love language is taking the Five Love Languages Profile. The profile is located within The Five Languages: Singles Edition book, as well as the original The Five Love Languages. And don't forget to check out the study guide, too--it will help you develop your love language.



Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.