Marriage and Sex: The Private Garden

This is the third in a series that I call The Three Loves. In the first we discussed Fence Love, a love that protects marital intimacy. In the second we talked about friendship in marriage. In this article we will think about sexual love in marriage.

For married couples, sex can be either great or a great challenge. Take a moment to read some actual comments we have received from husbands and wives who have attended our seminars:

• We've been married only a year and my husband hasn't touched me in months! I want his affection; I want to make love to the man I married.” (from a Chinese Malaysian wife)
• “Asian Women! They are so cold and uninterested in sex.” (from a Chinese Malaysian husband)
• “We're just too busy, too tired, and have too many responsibilities. By the end of the day there's just no energy . . . and not much desire!”
• “My wife was very responsive before we had children, but now it seems they are more important than I am. We seldom have sex, and when we do we just can't seem to enjoy it.

Worship Team 5 Jun 2011

Chairperson: Barnabas P.

Worship Leader: Kai Yew
Vocalist: Colleen, Hong Lu, Foong Yee

Pianist: Prisca Sim
Keyboardist: Jocelyn Lee
Guitarist:
Bassist: Weng Ern
Drummer: Anna Sim

Projectionist: Meng Fhui

PA Personnel: Hiew FF, Tommy Q

Your Spouse, Your Friend

I have a question for you. Did you like each other before you decided to marry each other? Most people do. In other words, they marry a friend. As our son and daughter-in-law’s wedding announcement read: “Today I will marry my friend; the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, and love.” They have had eleven years to test that friendship. Thankfully they are still married, and still best friends.

Friendship develops marital intimacy. Some people think sex does that, but sex is a celebration of intimacy, not the substance of intimacy.

Most couples began their friendship before marriage, but many do not continue it in their marriage. Couples who do not keep their friendship in good shape find their marriages become empty.

It’s like the difference between a living garden and a dead one. When you walk in a beautiful garden your soul feels refreshed. You want to linger. But let that garden die, and you will feel depressed just looking at it. Marriage without friendship is the same.

Healing Prayer : Max on Life #67

The following is a one of 172 questions and answers from the new book, Max on Life.

QUESTION #67:
In my med-school class we discussed the place of prayer in the hospital. As you can imagine, we heard strong opinions on both sides. What are your thoughts? What is the purpose of healing prayer?

We tend toward one of two extremes on this subject: fanaticism or cynicism. Fanatics see the healing of the body as the aim of God and the measure of faith. Cynics consider any connection between prayer and healing as coincidental at best and misleading at worst. A fanatic might seek prayer at the exclusion of medicine; a cynic might seek medicine at the exclusion of prayer.

A healthy balance can be found. The physician is the friend of God. Prayer is the friend of the physician.

The example of Jesus is important.

Fence Love

Love that Protects

Behold, love! For that word armies have marched, fortunes have been squandered and perfectly normal men and women have made total fools of themselves, often in front of complete strangers. Preachers preach about it. Singers sing about it in every possible language. It has inspired operas and rock songs, poems and graffiti, little notes and endless novels.

Love has cured people and (some say) killed others. Yet no word confuses us more than love. In marriage the confusion continues. Do we marry for love? Is love important? It is. But only if we understand what it is. Can we develop the kind of intimacy a marriage needs without love? It isn’t likely, for love is the substance of all true intimacy.

To help us understand the link between love and intimacy, I want to give you three different expressions of love to consider. Each is vital to an intimate marriage, as you will see. In this installment we will look at Fence Love.

Has the Baton Been Passed to the Asian Church?

J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones

Last week in Singapore I saw the future of Christianity—and it has a definite Chinese flavor.

Last week during a trip to Singapore I enjoyed all the tastes and smells of China—chili crab, salted milk crab, prawns, ban mian (flat noodles), bak chang (rice dumplings), lychee fruits, chicken feet (not my favorite!) and several varieties of fish. But the flavor I savored most was found in the worship times at Cornerstone Community Church.

“Missionary strategists have already predicted that by 2035 China will be a Christian nation. Then nations of Asia, including Singapore, are positioned to be 21st century Antiochs.”

I got choked up while watching the young people at Cornerstone last Sunday. Hundreds of young people—mostly Chinese, many first-generation converts to Christianity—jammed to the front of the auditorium at the close of their youth service. Many were on their knees. Some were sobbing. They were all singing:

Set this generation apart for You. Let me be a part of what You’re doing

I want to stand in purity and righteousness. Set this generation on fire

Lord I will burn, I will burn for You.

Punctuality and Your Spiritual Focus - 2/2

So what does the Bible have to say about punctuality? Does God care if you are often late to worship?

We read in Matthew 6:33 to “seek first the kingdom of God.” Jesus encourages Christians to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” (Matt.22: 37). Is it possible to love Him whole-heartedly and seek Him first and still be habitually late to the assembling of His saints where He is reverenced and praised?

Consider an example of five girls who were late to a wedding, as recorded in Matthew 25:1-13. They were unprepared for the coming of the bridegroom. Hastily, they attempted to get themselves ready and then appeared at the wedding only to find the door shut and their entrance denied. If these ladies had been on time, with the necessary supplies, they wouldn’t have missed out on the celebration they obviously wanted to attend.

Drawing the Lines

by Mark Gungor

There is a great song by Michael Buble titled “Everything”. It’s quite romantic actually, as he is telling his girl how important she is to him:

You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car. You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.

You’re the swimming pool, on an August day. And you’re the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true. Cause you can see it when I look at you.

You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well, And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space, You’re every minute of my everyday.

And I can’t believe, uh that I’m your man, And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we’ll see it through, And you know that’s what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times. It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.

You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.

Did you catch this phrase: “You’re the line in the sand, when I go to far.” Do you realize that amongst all the wonderful things he is praising this woman for, he says it’s a positive thing that she acts as the one to draw the boundaries when he pushes the envelope.

Expectations and Limitations

A common obstacle to restoring intimacy is a lack of agreement about the need for positive change.

Janet is worried because Frank seldom talks to her. She tries to discuss it with him, but he doesn't see things the same way. He thinks he says all the necessary words, so what's the problem? This couple might need an honest discussion of their expectations and limitations. Let's define some terms.

Expectations are the attitudes and actions that we feel entitled to receive within a relationship. They grow out of our upbringing, but also from the ideas we have developed through reading, observing, and dreaming.

Limitations are the hindrances within us that keep us from meeting expectations. Many are temporary and we outgrow them or overcome them in time. Some, however, do not change. For example, no matter what she does my wife will find it hard to walk as fast as I do. She doesn't have the length of stride I do. If I expect that of her, she will always experience frustration and I will feel disappointed. So we have learned to walk together. I shorten my stride, she quickens her pace a bit, and we have many great walks.

Intimacy Lost

Robert and Freda met at university. Eventually they decided they had what it takes to make a good marriage. Everyone who knew them thought so too, so after graduation they married.

Love began dying during their first year of marriage, but they hardly noticed it. Like many couples, they allowed their careers (both were lawyers) to consume their lives, leaving little time for each other.

Strangely, their courtship years had been just as busy, maybe more. Love flourished, even in a typhoon of exams and research papers. In those days their relationship gave them relief from the stresses of school work. Now their marriage had become just one more drain on their time and energy.

It didn't help when Freda, feeling lonely, developed a close friendship with her young, male piano teacher. The friendship was apparently innocent, but potentially dangerous. There was a certain excitement and tenderness that she missed with her husband. And laughter! Freda enjoyed the bright humor of her piano teacher. Definitely dangerous, especially for a woman in Freda's situation.

Sunday Sermon 22-May-2011 - Dr Isaac Yim

Speaker: Ps. Dr. Isaac Yim

http://www.mediafire.com/?wqg0bi7f9v8py91

Understanding Intimacy

Have you ever met a couple whose marriage seemed to glow, even in the common, everyday times? Intimacy creates that glow. It is the warm core of every successful marriage.

But Martin and Janice (not their real names) are not that couple. Married more than 15 years, yet constantly drifting apart. Now it looks like their marriage might end. The reason? Lost intimacy.

Sadly, many couples have lost their intimacy. Some never even had any intimacy to lose. Instead of a warm glow, they experience a constant chill. And, like cold people everywhere, they cover up to protect themselves.

In a survey of married couples, family therapist Stuart Johnson emphasized the importance of intimacy to a successful marriage. He found that all the happily married couples he surveyed had developed healthy intimacy in four vital areas:

Necessitites of Life : Max on Life #145

The following is a one of 172 questions and answers from the new book, Max on Life.

QUESTION #145:

In most of my prayers I ask God for things I need each day. These are legitimate needs. (I’m not asking God to make me a millionaire, just to help me pay the mortgage.) Is God really concerned about the necessities of my life?

“Give us each day our daily bread” (Luke 11:3).

What is this daily bread Jesus spoke of, tucked inside the Lord’s Prayer? A loaf of warm Italian bread on my doorstep every morning? That would be nice.

Bread is a staple of every culture. From flat bread to yeast-filled loaves, grain has been mixed with water and oil and placed over a fire by every civilization. What’s the first thing a restaurant brings before the meal? Bread. (Okay, maybe Mexican restaurants don’t, but those chips are made from grain. They’re just fried in oil.)

But how about a slight change to the daily menu: “Give us this day our daily mocha chocolate chip ice cream” or “Give us this day our daily beluga whale caviar”?

Those are luxuries, not necessities. Sorry, God does not promise those.

Bread is a valued necessity, tasty and welcomed, but certainly not extravagant.

Jesus tells us to ask for the necessities in life, but does he promise to provide them?

Soon after this plea for daily bread, found also in Matthew 6, Jesus presents his famous “Don’t worry” passage: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (v. 25). God takes care of birds, flowers, and grass and provides the basics they need to exist (vv. 26–30). Why not us? Aren’t we more important than a barn swallow, a multiflora petunia, and a blade of Bahia grass?

You bet a loaf of sweet sourdough we are.

In that statement comes a promise from God to provide his most important creation on earth with food, clothing, and drink (vv. 25–34). The necessities once again.

Jesus tells us to ask, then promises to give us the basics we need to survive.

So don’t worry; be prayerful. God has something wonderful for us baking in the oven. Can you smell it?

NEW Book!

MAX ON LIFE: Answers and Insights to your Most Important Questions

Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2011) Max Lucado

Making Decisions in Harmony

Decisions in Love

Most counselors agree that one of the greatest problems in marriage is decision-making. Visions of democracy dance in the minds of many young couples, but when there are only two voting members, democracy often results in deadlock. How does a couple move beyond deadlock? The answer is found in one word - love.

Love always asks the question, "What is best for you?" Love does not demand it's own way. Love seeks to bring pleasure to the one loved. That is why Christians should have less trouble making decisions than non-Christians. We are called to be lovers. When I love my wife, I will not seek to force my will upon her for selfish purposes.

Is There Anything Wrong With Rob Bell’s Gospel?

J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones

The popular author’s controversial book Love Wins celebrates God's love but drifts dangerously into Universalism.

I'm usually quick to speak my mind. But in the case of Rob Bell's controversial book Love Wins, I've withheld comment until now because (1) I don't think Christians should judge books before reading them; (2) the theological issues addressed require careful analysis; and (3) I have many young friends who are fans of Bell's books, and they may write me off if I don't treat him fairly.

So I'll begin with a compliment. Bell is a masterful writer whose prose is poetic. As pastor of the 7,000-member Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan, Bell has gained a following because of his casual style, his ultra-cool Nooma videos and the previous books he's released with Christian publisher Zondervan (especially Velvet Elvis).

How Healthy is Your Marriage?

An epidemic is sweeping the world. If this epidemic were medical in nature, if it was, for instance, a deadly virus that brought a painful death, the world's citizens would fight it with every weapon and tactic. But this epidemic doesn't cause sickness and death, at least not directly.

This is an epidemic of lifeless, joyless marriages and homes. It represents a social and spiritual catastrophe, a rising tide of broken relationships and broken people. You will find the symptoms in every country, in every culture, in all economic conditions. Sometimes it leads to divorce, sometimes only to chronic tension and unhappiness.

The technical word for this sickness is dysfunctional, as in, "They have a dysfunctional relationship." But let's not get too technical. Dysfunctional simply means, according to the Oxford Dictionary, not operating normally or properly. In other words, these marriages are broken and needing repair. How badly broken? How much repair do they need? It varies, but generally speaking, the longer the problems have been neglected, the more damage there is to repair.

Punctuality and Your Spiritual Focus - 1/2

published : November 26, 2006
by Michael Gibson

“If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affections on things above, not on things of the earth” (Col.3: 1-2).

In the verse above, Paul is admonishing the Christians in Colossae, and us today, to focus on spiritual matters and seek the things of God. What I want you to ask yourselves today, brethren, is how you can be setting “your affections on things above” if you are habitually late to the services? Since we, too, are risen with Christ, we are obligated to seek -- put diligent effort into -- putting our affections on things above.

“What is so bad,” you may ask, “about consistently being a few minutes late to services?” “Does the Bible have anything to say about punctuality?” I believe I can show you that it does! To clarify matters, let me make it perfectly clear that I am not talking about one who is occasionally late or one whose good intentions to be on time are derailed by unforeseen circumstances. I am addressing the practice of arriving at services tardy more often than arriving on time.

Skit Guys - Grace

In this conversation between Jesus and Peter, grace is illustrated when Jesus forgives the unforgivable.

The Marriage You Really Want

Do you have the marriage you really want? We do. Diane and I have been married for forty years. And most of the time, for most of those years, our marriage has brought us deep satisfaction. Perfect? No. Wonderful? Yes!

It could have been different. Diane and I could be like two prisoners serving a life sentence in a cold, dark jail. Prisoners have two choices. They can resign themselves to their captivity and make the most of it. Or, they can look for ways to escape. Pretty obvious, isn't it, that jail is not the place you want to be.

I am not writing as a prisoner. I am writing as a man who would not escape even if he could escape. We love each other, my wife and I, and we really enjoy our marriage. Can you say the same?

Worship Team 22 May 2011

Chairperson: Liong KC

Worship Leader: Prisca Sim
Vocalists: Jocelyn C., Siew Pin, Lareina

Pianist: Jocelyn Lee
Keyboardist: Jacinta Lee
Guitarist: Anna Sim
Bassist: Weng Ern
Drummer: Jaemy C.

Projectionist: Joseph Yap

PA Personnel: Manjit Singh, Hiew FF