Your Marriage: A Great Place to Grow

Is your marriage promoting health and growth for both of you? Many marriages do just the opposite. The people in them wither. Like struggling trees in a polluted environment, they are choking, longing for some fresh air and sunshine. But with God's help we can create a healthy atmosphere in our marriages and homes, an atmosphere that helps everyone in the family flourish.

People thrive in an atmosphere of love and grace. With love and grace filling the air, we are far more likely to reach our potential. In this series you will discover seven important actions that flood your marriage with love and grace. When you take these actions your marriage will become a great place to grow. Guaranteed!

Read: Numbers 6:22-27

Pray and Believe for God's Best

Praying for your husband or wife is the absolute, number one, very best thing you can do. Nothing can do what prayer does. Why? Because in prayer we bring needy people under the powerful, loving influence of God. Believe me, all of us are needy people and no one knows that better than our spouses. So all of us need God and need someone who prays for us.

I have noticed that there is a great difference between praying ABOUT someone and praying FOR someone. It’s a change in focus. When I pray ABOUT I see the person as a problem. When I pray FOR I see the person as someone who needs God just as much as I do. And I really need God. That’s why I am glad to have a wife who prays for me, not about me.

Help for Prevailing Problems

by Max Lucado

“We use God’s mighty weapons, not mere worldly weapons, to knock down the Devil’s strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4 NLT

Does one prevailing problem leech your life?

Some are prone to cheat. Others quick to doubt. Maybe you worry. Yes, everyone worries some, but you own the national distributorship of anxiety. Perhaps you are judgmental. Sure, everybody can be critical, but you pass more judgments than a federal judge.

What is that one weakness, bad habit, rotten attitude? Where does Satan have a stronghold within you? Ahh, there is the fitting word—stronghold: a fortress, citadel, thick walls, tall gates. It’s as if the devil staked a claim on one weakness and constructed a rampart around it.

Strongholds: old, difficult, discouraging challenges.

That’s what David faced when he looked at Jerusalem. . . .

Nevertheless.

“Nevertheless David took the stronghold . . .” (2 Sam. 5:9).

Everyone Has a Big But

by Mark Gungor 

It’s a line from Pee-wee Herman in his movie Pee-wee’s Big Adventure… and it doesn’t mean that all of us have gigantic backsides, although it sounds pretty funny when you think of the possible double meaning! He’s trying to explain something to his friend Simone and the conversation goes like this:

Simone: I know you’re right, Pee-wee, but…

Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big “But….

This isn’t the word butt, rather b-u-t. The one small, three-letter word that has all the power to dismiss, discount and disregard everything that came before it. People can hear the truth, they can be given all the guidance, direction and wisdom that they need to live right and make the proper choices. Yet in the quick and swift utterance of this one word, believe they’ve exempted themselves and that they are not required to heed the truth. After all, their big but quickly erases everything.

Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about. A young Christian couple that I know is fornicating their little brains out, comes to me and I dispense the biblical truth that what they are doing is totally against what God says. I show them the scripture that explains fornicators will not inherit the kingdom, sexual immorality is a sin in God’s eyes, and that according to Him, sex is only to happen in the confines of marriage. Then in one fell swoop, they say it: But we don’t feel like it’s wrong.

Another guy who is a believer is committing adultery; he thinks that he’s found his real soul mate so is divorcing his wife. Again, I explain that this is absolutely contrary to what the Bible says and go through the verses just so he knows that this is God saying it, not Markie pulling it out of thin air. Then it happens again… the dude puts his big but in: But I truly believe God brought us together and wants us to be happy.

Staying Power: It's All About Love

What is the difference between couples who build successful marriages and those who don't? The difference is purposeful love. Some think love is a hazy thing, like early morning fog in a valley. It's pretty, almost mystical, but the heat melts it away. Others think love is all about passionate feelings and powerful, knee-shaking kisses. Great stuff, romantic too, but not true love.

One young Singaporean woman glories in her image as a "Party Girl." She engages in "sex for fun," and loves the party life. She thinks time-tested moral principles are outdated, confining, and dangerous to her freedom of self-expression. She has lots of partners of all races, all for the "fun" of it. But I wonder if she has anybody who really loves her? And is there anyone she really loves? Restless as a bee in a field of flowers, she goes from one encounter to another. Lots of lust, but where is the love that helps her become all God intends her to be?

Sam and Jane have been married twenty years. That's staying power, isn't it? Well, yes, but you wouldn't want what they have. Their marriage has been a long grey silence, with rare bright moments. Lasting, but not successful. Dreary, like twenty years of cloudy days. Why have they stayed married? They ask the same question, but don't have an answer. It usually comes down to obligation. Do Sam and Jane love each other? Doubtful. They live separate lives, for the most part, never thinking about what will help their partner. They do the minimum to keep marriage bearable, not the exceptional that makes marriage beautiful.

Remember this: True love helps. Hold that thought and you will never again have any trouble understanding love. The person who loves you helps you, and the person you love, you help.

Whatever Happened to Faithfulness?

J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones

Two elderly missionaries inspired me this week to value character so I can finish well.

You’ve probably never heard of Hobert and Marguerite Howard. They didn’t write best-selling books. They aren’t rich. They don’t preach on television or pastor a megachurch. Fame was the farthest thing from their minds when they both surrendered their lives to serve God on the mission field.

In 1951 this Pentecostal couple boarded a steamship and sailed for 50 days to India, where they built orphanages, schools and churches and trained Christian leaders. This week the Howards officially retired, and I had the privilege of attending a special reception to honor them for 60 years of service.

“Faithfulness is such a rare commodity today that it has disappeared from our lexicon. In this day of quick divorce, loan defaults, addictive personalities, broken contracts, deadbeat dads and religious scandals, we’re surprised when somebody actually follows through and keeps their promises.”

I had to choke back a few tears as I listened to Hobert talk about the fruit of his labor. Many of the children he and his wife cared for in their three orphanages are leading churches today. One boy, R.D. Murmu, was just 24 days old when the Howards took him in and raised him to love Jesus. Today R.D. oversees many churches in the north Indian region of Jharkhand.

Another orphan boy, Samuel Banerjee, from the Bihar region, was just six days old when he was brought to the Howards. They raised him in their orphanages and schools, and today he is the pastor of New Life Center in New Delhi.

You Say.. God Says...

YOU SAY	GOD SAYS	BIBLE VERSES
"It's impossible"	All things are possible	Luke 18:27
"I'm too tired"	I will give you rest	Matthew 11:28-30
"Nobody really loves me"	I love you	John 3:16  John 3:34
"I can't go on"	My grace is sufficient	II Corinthians 12:9 Psalm 91:15
"I can't figure things out"	I will direct your steps	Proverbs 3:5-6
"I can't do it"	You can do all things	Philippians 4:13
"I'm not able"	I am able	II Corinthians 9:8
"It's not worth it"	It will be worth it	Roman 8:28
"I can't forgive myself"	Forgive you	I John 1:9  Romans 8:1
"I can't manage"	I will supply all your needs	Philippians 4:19
"I'm afraid"	I have not given you a spirit of fear	II Timothy 1:7
"I'm always worried and frustrated"	Cast all your cares on ME	I Peter 5:7
"I'm not smart enough"	I give you wisdom	I Corinthians 1:30
"I feel all alone"	I will never leave you or forsake you	Hebrews 13:5

Letter for Two Lovers

What a hopeful thing love is! A man and woman decide they love eachother so much that they want to get married. Each hopes the other will love them for life. True, many of those hopeful people find disappointment. But a very great number build lasting marriages.

I originally wrote this letter to a couple we led through pre-marital counseling. Is your love alive? Or has loved died through neglect? I wonder what the couple we wrote this to would say today? I know they are still married, and still serving God together. I hope their love has grown too, filling their hearts, their words, and their actions.

---------- ---------- ----------

Dear Lovers,

Thanks so much for letting us help you prepare for marriage. With God’s help, you will have a wonderful marriage. We know He will give you many insights and will help you build a solid, satisfying marriage and a lifelong love.

Give your marriage all the time and care it needs. Don't skimp. Don't allow business and busyness to rob you of special times with each other. You will please the Lord by always treating each other as you would treat a valuable gift from God. Cherish each other. You mean so much to each other now. We can see the light in your eyes and sense the excitement you have in your hearts. We pray that you will become even more precious to one another day by day, year by year.

Prayer

Sunday Sermon 31-July-2011 - Elder Sim Say Khim

Speaker: Elder Sim Say Khim

White Fields Assembly Seremban

http://www.mediafire.com/?obwkbhz5xih7bjm

Worship Team 7 August 2011

Chairperson: Caleb R.
Worship Leader: Peggy Tan
Back-ups: Hong Lu, Foong Yee, Gigi Lim

Pianist: Lydia Sim
Synth: Jonathan L
Guitarist: Nigel Dusanjh
Bass: Weng Ern
Drummer: Darren

Projectionist: Terry C.

PA Personnel: Hiew FF, Tommy Q.

Can One Partner Make a Difference?

Kimberly has a problem. Her marriage to Carl is in bad shape, but Carl won’t discuss it or help repair it. Can Kim do anything that will make a difference?

Usually, positive change requires joint action. So, if one marriage partner doesn’t want improvement, what can the other partner do? More than you think. In most damaged marriages, healing begins when one mate sees the possibility of healing and starts the process.

Are you that person? Will you be the one who lets healing begin? It isn’t easy, and there is no guarantee that your partner will change, but your efforts will still make a positive difference.

As you work for healing in your marriage, guard against destructive attitudes. Like outlaws, they gang up on weak, hurting people. Here’s a short description of each gang member so you’ll recognize them:

Self-pity

It hurts, really hurts, when your spouse rejects you and your desire for improvement. Be honest about your pain, but reject self-pity.

Self-pity is such an innocent looking little attitude, a baby-faced bandit. In a weird way, we even like it. It’s more dangerous than it looks. Self-pity never leads us to God, never improves the situation, and never improves us. It only makes us want to give up, crawl into a hole, and bury ourselves.

Dear Elder / Pastor...

from here

A Pastor Is…

A pastor is an unusual person, indeed!

He gets his assignments from a voice no one else can hear.

He works for a bonus check that is only legal and tender in heaven.

He starts his day in the prayer closet instead of the wardrobe closet.

He climbs the ladder of success by taking the lowly place.

He receives nourishment by feeding sheep.

His greatest gains come by what he gives away.

He is more attracted to what people look like inwardly than outwardly.

He lives for God's approval rather than following the opinions of others.

He speaks from the depths of his heart rather than from the top of his head.

His richest treasures come from the investments he makes in the lives of others.

Problems Have a Purpose

by Max Lucado

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:15 NLT

God will use whatever he wants to display his glory. Heavens and stars. History and nations. People and problems. My dying dad in West Texas.

The last three years of his life were scarred by ALS. The disease took him from a healthy mechanic to a bedbound paralytic. He lost his voice and his muscles, but he never lost his faith. Visitors noticed. Not so much in what he said but more in what he didn’t say. Never outwardly angry or bitter, Jack Lucado suffered stately.

His faith led one man to seek a like faith. After the funeral this man sought me out and told me. Because of my dad’s example, he became a Jesus follower.

Mister Right

God always entrusts his treasures to ordinary people. The man I want us to think about today was one. He was a craftsman, a carpenter, but he could have been anything . . . plumber, farmer, shepherd, or even a scholar. His occupation isn’t the important thing. His character is. It’s not what he did, but how he lived that makes him Mister Right.

This man lived at a time when many people used religion as a cosmetic. It was useful for hiding blemishes and giving an imaginary glow of righteousness. But Mister Right had no use for cosmetic religion. He truly believed in God and tried, in every way, to orient his life with God’s commands.

You would have liked him, respected him, and trusted him. I know God did. For he chose this everyday man, this carpenter from Nazareth and Bethlehem, to be husband to Mary, and the guardian of Jesus, the Son of God. Joseph is Mister Right.

As a husband and a father figure, Joseph has much to teach us. Looking at his life in the few verses that describe him, I see why God trusted him with his treasures. I see the kind of man every wife and child needs, and I see the kind of man God makes us, if we’ll let him.

Joseph was fully devoted to God, therefore, a righteous man. (Matthew 1:16ff). That's why Joseph was Mister Right. He centered his life on pleasing God. As I have said so often, to so many groups, it is the center that matters, because your center controls your thoughts, actions, and relationships. So many families suffer because the head of the home disregards God and his Word. So, is pleasing God the center of your life? That is the first step to becoming Mister Right.

How to Deal Effectively With Conflict

by Gary Chapman

I have observed a common pattern across many areas that I work (and live) - people avoiding dealing with tense or conflictual situations in their relationships with others. And almost always, not dealing with the situation creates additional problems or makes the conflict larger and more intense (often involving more people than were originally involved).

And it happens it lots of settings:

• in family businesses, between family members working together
• in office settings, between coworkers who can't get a long
• in marriages, between spouses
• in extended families, between parents-in-law and their children's spouse
• in schools, between teachers and parents of the students
• in wealthy families, between siblings who are inheriting wealth
• and on and on.

Now, I am not going to try to address all the issues relevant to conflict in relationships, that would require a book (or two). But let's look at some core concepts.

First, why do people often try to avoid conflict? I think there are lots of potential reasons, but let's identify a few.

Peter's Wife : Forgiveness - part 2

continued from here

Forgiveness and Trust

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we have to trust the person. A young PW confided her fear of bandits to one of the older PWs. She thought she was talking to a trustworthy advisor. In a short while, she noticed little comments by others on the team to make sure she locks her door at night followed by some muffled chuckles. Her fear was exposed to ridicule. She forgives, but she does not have to trust this co-worker with any more confidences.

In American adventure movies you sometimes hear this warning: “Watch Your Back!” It means that there is danger all around and you must not let down your guard. Consider what Paul wrote to his dear friend Timothy:

 “Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.” (II Timothy 4:14-15, NIV)

We may never know whether Paul had forgiven Alexander, but if he practiced what he preached, he did. Yet he knew that Alexander could not be trusted, so he warned Timothy to watch his back.

Forgiveness and Privileges

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we automatically restore all privileges that were forfeited through the offence. Suppose a woman’s husband is unfaithful to her. Wanting to do the Christian thing, she goes to her pastor for counsel. The pastor, a compassionate man, though perhaps too legalistic, tells her to forgive her husband. So far so good. Then she asks, “Does that mean I have to share my body with him, although he is still going to bed with the other woman?” The pastor, thinking he is doing the right thing, tells her she must allow her husband to have sex with her. That kind of counsel is quite common in the places where PWs live and work.

Don’t Settle for a Fake Anointing

J. Lee Grady Newsletters - Fire In My Bones

Many Christians today can’t distinguish between the sweat of the flesh and the dew of heaven.

Gideon is one of my favorite Bible characters because I relate to his struggle with inferiority. God pulled this runt of a guy out of a hole in the ground and called him to deliver Israel. Gideon’s classic “Who, me?” response reminds me of conversations I’ve had with the Lord. None of us feels qualified to do God’s work, but we know from Gideon’s example that reluctant wimps can be transformed into valiant warriors.

I’ve heard people criticize Gideon because he laid out a fleece of wool on the ground and asked the Lord—not once but twice—to confirm His promise (see Judges 6:36-40). But the Bible doesn’t say God was mad at Gideon for wanting assurance. In fact, God answered Gideon both times with moisture from heaven. The dew was a sign of God’s favor and blessing.

“I love it when the Holy Spirit does miracles. But when people fake the supernatural in order to get an audience response (or a big offering), I run for the door.”

You know how the story ends. Gideon’s impressive army of 22,000 is downsized to a ragtag band of 300, and they carry only trumpets, clay pots and torches into battle. Through their supernatural victory over Midian, God made it clear that His anointing has nothing to do with human ability.

How many of us have learned Gideon’s lesson? Do you trust the Holy Spirit to work in you, or do you lean on the flesh? Do you have the precious dew of His miraculous anointing on your life, or have you manufactured a cheap form of human moisture to do the job?

Trusting God Together

Nick and Nora have an attractive home, two cats (one who hides from his shadow, another who is, as Nora says, "an uppity princess"), two often-frustrating jobs, two trucks, and two hard, one-hour commutes. In their five years of marriage they’ve had many opportunities to feel isolated in their personal struggles. Though they love each other, they have often felt disconnected. Both of them were frustrated, but didn’t know how to break the cycle. It took a mission trip to Honduras to do that.

With twenty-eight others, they journeyed into a remote area of the Honduran mountains to simply do anything they could to help. They built houses, taught children, fed the hungry– all the while hoping for something to happen to them and to their marriage.

It happened on the last night they were on the mountain. The whole team met for several hours to pray, and to cement the lessons they learned while they were away from the familiar. That night Nick and Nora experienced a breakthrough.

Let me interrupt their story to do a little explaining. There are breakthrough moments in our lives. They can come gently and gradually, like the dawn, or with the intensity of a sudden thunderstorm. But they come. When they do, change begins. We’re like one of those "before and after" commercials, except that our "before and after" is real, not a made-up story or an imaginary change.

Peter's Wife: Forgiveness - part 1

about Peter's Wife   April 20, 2011

This month my husband and I have been counseling several different people with the same problem. Maybe you have been struggling with this issue or maybe, like us, you have been trying to help someone else with this trouble. That issue is unforgiveness! It seems like there is an epidemic of offended people right now.

Just because we are PWs, recognized and commissioned to serve others, doesn’t mean we never need forgiveness. And just because we have been believers for many years doesn’t mean we are pros at forgiving. Maybe because we don’t have the kind of support system our family and friends have back home, we may need a refresher course on this all important issue of forgiveness.

Some years ago my husband wrote this article on forgiveness. I’ve adapted it in places for our cross cultural community. You can see the original article written for husbands and wives at: intermin.org

Every one of us need forgiving people around us. The reason is obvious: we need forgiving because we make mistakes. That would explain two interesting facts in the Bible:

• Fact one: God’s Word urges us to pursue perfection, to grow and mature in grace, and to become like Jesus.
• Fact two: The Bible also teaches us to forgive one another. On the road of life we step on many toes, so we need to forgive and to receive forgiveness.

Change!

After 34 years of marriage and ministry, Diane and I are right in the middle of one of the biggest changes of our lives. Unexpected? No. Challenging. Yes. All changes are. This one involves selling our house and moving to another country. You can imagine the stresses that can bring. And that is just one part of the change.

Some marriages breakdown during major changes because they had little strength to begin with. You've heard the stories. The children marry and move away, and the couple has no other reason to stay together, only a long list of unmet needs and unresolved conflicts. So, they go their separate ways, live separate lives. If you do not want a future like that, you have to start preparing for a different future right now. No matter what the change, it always puts stress on your relationship to your spouse, your children, and others. Like the Boy Scout motto says, "Be Prepared."

Here is today's key concept: How we survive change depends on how we have lived before the change.

Diane and I have built a life of trusting God, staying close to him and to each other. Have we had frustrations? We have, we are, and we will. But we face them together. We have long lists of answered prayers, forgiven offenses, and incredible joys, all because of God's faithfulness.

Rules for the Road

Transition is a road, not just a destination. So here are some rules for the road that will help you reach your goal: