Love is Not a Feeling

I really do believe that “love makes the world go round.” Why would I say that? Because God is love. It is His love for us that makes all of life meaningful. So, what does that have to do with marriage? God made us for each other. Husband and wife – designed to work together as a mutual support team to discover and fulfill God’s plans for their lives.

In a word, love is the choice to look out for each other in the same way that God looks out for us. It doesn’t require warm feelings, but it does require and open heart.

Love is not our only emotional need, but it interfaces with all other needs. If I feel loved by my wife, then I also feel good about myself. After all, if she loves me, I must be worth loving. Ultimately, it is discovering that God loves me that gives me my greatest sense of worth. Also, if my spouse loves me, I’m more likely to feel that my life has significance.

Threat or Haven?
Spouses become God’s agent for helping their partners feel loved. Few things are more important than encouraging one’s spouse to accomplish God’s plans. Marriage is designed to help us accomplish more for God. Two are better than one in His kingdom.

If we do not feel loved in marriage, our differences are magnified. We come to view each other as a threat to our happiness. We fight for self-worth and significance, and marriage becomes a battlefield rather than a haven.

Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us. In the security of love, a couple can discuss differences without condemnation. Conflicts can be resolved. Two people who are different can learn to live together in harmony. We discover how to bring out the best in each other. The decision to love your spouse holds tremendous potential.

The Power of Love
I believe that love really does make the difference between success and failure in a marriage. Keep in mind that love is not a feeling, but love stimulates feelings. The euphoric feelings of the “in love” experience are temporary; usually two years or less. But when we learn to love each other effectively we keep warm emotional feelings alive. Life is much better when we feel loved.


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Adapted from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.