Loving Children Effectively

Most parents love their children, but many children do not feel loved. I like to picture that inside every child is an emotional love tank. When the tank is full, the child grows up emotionally healthy. But when the love tank is empty, the child will grow up with many internal struggles. Loving children effectively requires parents to express love in a language that the child understands.

Children and the Love Languages
Every child has a special way of receiving love. When Dr. Ross Campbell and I wrote The Five Love Languages of Children, we discovered that children understand love in five basic ways: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. If you have several children, chances are they each understand love in a different way.

Wrap Your Discipline in Love!
Loving children must be unconditional. Unconditional love says to a child, "I love you no matter what." Don’t withhold your love from a child when they misbehave. A child’s emotional love tank must be filled before any effective training or discipline can take place. A child with a full love tank can respond to parental guidance without resentment. On the other hand, when the child does not feel loved, the discipline seems harsh and unfair. Discipline wrapped in love is the most effective discipline.

The First Eighteen Months
During infancy, a child does not distinguish between milk and tenderness, between solid food and love. Without food a child will starve. Without love, a child will starve emotionally and can become impaired for life. A great deal of research indicates that the emotional foundation of life is laid in the first eighteen months of life, particularly in the mother/child relationship. Speak all five languages to your child the first eighteen months, and you are laying the best possible foundation for emotional health.

Teaching children how to express love to others in all five languages prepares your child for good relationships as an adult. Your example is the most effective method of teaching. Love your children effectively and they will learn to love others.


What's your love language? Take the 30-second quiz.
Adapted from The Five Love Languages of Children by Dr. Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.