The Love Language of Physical Touch

This week we are going to focus on the love language of physical touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research has shown that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. I suspect the same is true of adults.

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. All marriages are enhanced by tender physical touch.

If Your Spouse Doesn't Enjoy Physical Touch
One wife said, “I want to touch my husband, but when I try, he draws back. He acts like it irritates him, unless of course we are having sex.” What is this man telling his wife by his behavior? That physical touch is not his primary love language. He will respond much better to “words of affirmation” or one of the other love languages. If physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, they will welcome tender touches any time you want to give them.

Some people will find it difficult to speak the language of physical touch. They were not touched as children, and touching is uncomfortable for them. But anyone can learn to speak this language. Remember, love is seeking to meet your spouse's needs, but your own. You don’t touch because it feels comfortable to you, but because it communicates love to them.

Dialects of Love
In marriage, the love language of physical touch has many dialects. This does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Your wife or husband knows what they perceive as a loving touch. Don’t insist on touching them in your way and in your time.

Respect their wishes. Learn to speak their dialect. Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to them.

There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch in every society. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting. This is also true in marriage. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. Tender physical touch can be a powerful language of love, but harsh abusive touch can actually destroy love. Clearly our bodies are made for touching, but not for physical abuse.

There are five love languages. What's yours? Take the 30-second quiz.
Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.