My Spouse Won't Help!

The Question
We are both working full time and when I get home, I start dinner but my husband comes in and sits on the couch. How do I encourage him to participate in household chores?

The Answer
Set fire to the couch! Then hand him the fire extinguisher. Do this every two days for one week. He will no longer sit on the couch. Well, that's one approach, but not one that I recommend. Nor do I recommend yelling at him and calling him a lazy slob.

All of us have patterns of behavior, which we have developed through the years. Some of these are helpful to the marriage (for example your starting dinner), and some are detrimental to the marriage. The problem is, we are not always aware of what these are until they are brought to our attention. But how you bring them to your spouse's attention is the important thing.

I suggest you initiate a "marriage improvement month." Say to your spouse, "I've been thinking about us, and I don't want us to drift into a dead marriage. I don't want to just be an ordinary wife. I want to be an exceptional wife. Would you be open to giving me one suggestion each week for the next month on how I could be a better wife? I would give you one suggestion on how you could be a better husband, and both of us could grow. Would you be open to this?" If he is, then you are on the road to positive change. One of those weeks, you can share with him what you would like him to do when he arrives home. He will not take it as nagging, because you have made it a part of your month of improvement.

If your husband agrees to give you a suggestion each week, but is not willing to take a suggestion from you, I would encourage you to go for it. Before the month is over, I think you will see a change in his attitude.


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